Ahhh, I am steaming mad at my teenage son right now!!!!!

[Robin'sBrood]

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[WriterofWords]

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I have to say I disagree here. Tell him he will be treated as an adult when he acts like one. That respect is earned, not automatic. That you love him too much to leave him to fend for himself without boundaries. That the boundaries will lessen as he shows himself capable of handling more freedoms and makes responsible choices. Talk to him about his future and listen to what HE wants for himself in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years. Ask him what his plan is to reach those goals.

I disagree with you on for this reasoning: Do you want to get through to him or have him shut down and not listen because you are talking to him like you would a 10 year old? If you want an older teen to listen to you, you have to give some ground just as they do. I agree with Steven on it and not just because he's my son, that is how I've always treated my nephews, my son and the older teens I work with. Sometimes you have to give them something to grow into not grow out of.

 

[Robin'sBrood]

Thanks to everyone for all the advice. I guess there is no one size fits all punishment for kids, since all kids are different. Sure would be nice if they came with personalized instruction manuals, wouldn't it?

 

[WriterofWords]

Wouldn't that be great!! Pg. 8, crimes and punishements,,, Pg. 27, good deeds and recognition..

 

[debilorrah]

Robin'sBrood :

Thanks to everyone for all the advice. I guess there is no one size fits all punishment for kids, since all kids are different. Sure would be nice if they came with personalized instruction manuals, wouldn't it?

Amen to that one!!!!!​

 

[Wynette]

I need an instruction manual for my pullets in pen #3. I surely must be doing something wrong since they're almost 40 weeks and not laying yet...

 

[BedHead]

I'm just posting to commiserate. I have a 20 year old, an 18 year old and an almost 16 year old. There have been a few very fun times with them over the years! I hope you get things worked out to everyone's satisfaction.

 

[vfem]

Hmm... it sounds like my days back in High School... I was horrible... and the more my parents fought me, the worse I became. (I however, did not lie to them about it... it caused them more hurt to tell the truth actually!)

I think my better days were not from being grounded, but from being extra responsible. I did get a job across the street from school at a movie theater, plus a weekend job part-time at the mall. I was very busy between school and 2 part-time jobs by 17. I had to pay for certain things at home after that... like paying my mom to continue to do my laundry or I had to find time to do it myself. (Which took up the little time I had anymore) I also had to pay for parents' time when it came to getting rides places I wanted to go when I COULD go out.

Being so busy and having additional responsiblities helped to a point... got me to college until I was on my own smoking and drinking again! LOL

Just saying, I was no longer their concern and they lost control after highschool, but I did have a GREAT work ethic. With everything I was doing in college, I never lost a job, I never called in sick or skipping out on my responsibilites and I would pick up shifts from other people who needed my help. I may not have been perfect, but I did eventually learn something.

Maybe its about time you took up his extra time with paying responsiblities, and make his time so very valuable he wouldn't want to lose it?!

If you really want more details, not pleasant to hear I know, please PM me... some of it isn't proper to talk about in public.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

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I have to say I disagree here. Tell him he will be treated as an adult when he acts like one. That respect is earned, not automatic. That you love him too much to leave him to fend for himself without boundaries. That the boundaries will lessen as he shows himself capable of handling more freedoms and makes responsible choices. Talk to him about his future and listen to what HE wants for himself in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years. Ask him what his plan is to reach those goals.

I disagree with you on for this reasoning: Do you want to get through to him or have him shut down and not listen because you are talking to him like you would a 10 year old? If you want an older teen to listen to you, you have to give some ground just as they do. I agree with Steven on it and not just because he's my son, that is how I've always treated my nephews, my son and the older teens I work with. Sometimes you have to give them something to grow into not grow out of.

I agree that you should not treat a 16 year old as if he were 10. BUT, if you have been treating him as a 16 year old and he screws up, then you MUST pull in the boundaries. It is much easier to raise a kid and loosen boundaries as his/her maturity shows that he/she is capable of more freedoms than to straighrten out a kid who is already floundering. You don't let someone who cannot swim into water over their head, regardless of whether they are a child or an adult. Yes, the conversation has to be held at the level of a teenager (who is NOT an adult), but a very clear part of it needs to be the choices he makes have consequences. If he acts responsibly, the consequences are that he earns trust and boundaries/restrictions are loosened. If he acts irresponsibly, his level of maturity is questioned and boundaries/restrictions are likely to be drawn in tighter. How he is treated is up to him: that it is determined by the choices he makes.

 

[KinderKorner]

I don't have much advice. But I do want to comment, that I attented my best friend's brother funeral last night. He was 21. And he was homeschooled. He died of a Drug Overdose. It was the saddest funeral I have ever went to. And his father a big man that is one of the toughest and scariest you will find was crying in hystericals for nearly 3 days nonstop now.

I wish other teens would realize what they are doing. But no matter what you do, if they don't want to the aren't going to listen. Thats why it's important to have a good relationship with them as they are younger. And constantly remind them what becomes of such things. If your child is your best friend and you can sit down and say 'You know. I really wish you would stop doing that. It's bad for you. I worry because I love you. I can help." Instead of a ton of punishment and making them rebel more.

Just my 2 cents.

But I also believe not every kid is the same. And the same thing won't work for everyone. Sometimes they need punished, sometimes they need love.

All I know is I'm a young lady. And I love my parents. I respect them. And I would never do drugs or drink. I wouldn't purposely defy my parents. I could never figure out why so many other teens did that. Perhaps you need to work on your relationship skills as a parent. And not just be a dictator.

And I don't mean to make offense with that. I believe if you train up a child right, they should know not to do stuff like that. Although there are some that stray I understand that.

I wish you the best of luck with your kid.

Just remember to have a loving and open heart for him. So he can go 'Wow. My mom really loves me. Maybe she is right" Teens are funny about that. If you tell them they can't do something or yell at them, or make is a huge deal they want to do it just to show you they can do whatever they want.