"You need to be open-minded!" - I hear this a lot, and it's occasionally popped up on here. If one is listening to and discussing (and even debating) different ideas, one is being open-minded by definition, but the phrase is always used in this context. IT MAKES NO SENSE!!!
"You shouldn't judge others." - Isn't that statement a judgment in and of itself? FAIL.
"Irregardless" - I lose brain cells every time I hear this one.
Question: "How are you?" Answer: "Blessed and highly favored!" - I've only heard this a few times, and it annoys the living crap out of me EVERY TIME. What does that even MEAN? Material blessing? Spiritual blessing? Just-having-a-good-day blessing? I've-had-a-glimpse-of-Heaven blessing? Or just I-won-a-free-burger-from-McDonald's-Monopoly blessing?
"God gave me this song." - Chances are, He didn't, and you needed to have an excuse for not practicing before church.
There's a Tim Hawkins video on the subject somewhere...
"[Insert dead character here] will always be with us - in here. *Pointing at heart*" - So sugary sweet that it gives me cavities.
No, they won't, 'cause according to the major belief systems the dead person is either in Heaven or Hell, or they've ceased to exist, or they've been reincarnated as a moose. [I realize that I am probably leaving out some belief systems - this is for humorous purposes and is thus over-simplified. This note probably ruins the humor, however, so I suppose I'll have to be simultaneously burned at the stake by the Inquisition, blown up by a Jihadist, shot by a Southern Baptist's 12-gauge, beaten up by a Shaolin monk, killed in whatever way Hindus prefer, and executed by an atheist firing squad anyway.]
"I'm only human." - Well, DUH. You still did a horrible job compared to other humans.
"May I take your order?" - No, you may not. I came here to do nothing but sit in my car and enjoy the view.
I'll think of more eventually - for now, either laugh or imagine killing me in horrible ways.
"You shouldn't judge others." - Isn't that statement a judgment in and of itself? FAIL.
"Irregardless" - I lose brain cells every time I hear this one.
Question: "How are you?" Answer: "Blessed and highly favored!" - I've only heard this a few times, and it annoys the living crap out of me EVERY TIME. What does that even MEAN? Material blessing? Spiritual blessing? Just-having-a-good-day blessing? I've-had-a-glimpse-of-Heaven blessing? Or just I-won-a-free-burger-from-McDonald's-Monopoly blessing?
"God gave me this song." - Chances are, He didn't, and you needed to have an excuse for not practicing before church.
"[Insert dead character here] will always be with us - in here. *Pointing at heart*" - So sugary sweet that it gives me cavities.
"I'm only human." - Well, DUH. You still did a horrible job compared to other humans.
"May I take your order?" - No, you may not. I came here to do nothing but sit in my car and enjoy the view.
I'll think of more eventually - for now, either laugh or imagine killing me in horrible ways.
