Anyone else decide not to have children... R U treated differently?

[WhiteMountainsRanch]

I didn't have Steven until I was 28, I was told my entire life I couldn't have children so I resigned myself to that. I used to get all kinds of questions though,, and I didn't feel it was their business if I had children or not. But the funniest story I have concerning that was my SIL and her best friend! They were positive I wanted kids, and that the doctors were wrong. So they went to their priest, and got a bottle of blessed fish oil and presented it to me and told me to rub it all over my body and that I would get pregnant. I sniffed the bottle and about barfed, I told them if I rubbed that oil all over me no man would come near me to get me pregnant! But I took the bottle and I used it on the cat food, they loved it! Right after that I kicked my ex husband now, out of the house and started divorce proceedings. Four months into the divorce I found out I was pregnant. To this day they are positive that their blessed fish oil is the reason I have my son.

I've never wanted kids until I was about 25. Now I think I do, but I'm just not sure, I mean I've always wanted a really big family, but I'm just so afraid of childbirth, plus I'm not married so now I'm almost 30 and still on the fence....

So I guess I will just have to wait and see!​

 

[AngieChick]

It's nobody's business but yours. Yes, being a parent is rewarding, there are some major plusses. However, there are also many many negatives. Everyone has to weigh the plusses and the minuses themselves and come to their own conclusion about what best fits their lives.

I am very glad that your DH and you are in agreement. Beyond that, you don't have to justify your choice to anyone.

 

[ebwy2]

I'd just be blunt, and ask them why they think your uterus is their business.

my ex mother in law even asked me about when I was going to have grandchildren for her while I was in hospital, paralysed down my right side and had just been told I would never walk again. told her she'd have to find a different daughter in law

 

[joebryant]

Thank God that people who don't want children don't have children.
All married couples should have to pass a child-rearing test before applying for a license to have one, maybe two.

 

[booker81]

I know a lot of folks who are child free by choice, including my brother and his fiancée. Kudos to them! There is nothing odd by it.

DH and I would LIKE to have another child, we have one, but it's not happening. I'm not willing to start invasive procedures, and that was the point we were to.

It's very frustrating and hurtful to constantly be nagged on having another child, when we CAN'T right now for whatever reason. My most common answer on why we don't have another is "It's not for lack of trying," or if I'm feeling feisty - "I don't know what we are doing wrong, can you show me, like, REALLY show me?". Slowly, ever so slowly, folks are getting the point.

My body (and my husband's body) are no one's business.

ETA: Some of the child free folks I know are the BEST kid people, and fantastic babysitters - if they had their own kids, they wouldn't have time to sugar up, have fun, and send everyone else's kids home!

 

[chickenzoo]

Thank you all for your comments and points of view. Children are wonderful, and before my nephews moved I practically raised them. When my dad died, I pretty much raised my younger sister while mom went to work and school to try and support us. I guess perhaps I did all my mothering at a younger age. I always had all the neighbors kids, playing school and baby sitting.... Mom always said I was an old spirit in a young body. It is nice that I am not alone, sometimes I feel alone, sometimes when I see moms playing with their kids I wonder why am I different, why don't I feel that need. I have told people in the past that last I herd people in their 50's were still having kids, so I still have another 15 years to decide......

But seriously, thank you for your support and stores.

 

[mom'sfolly]

Your reproductive status in nobody's business but your own. You owe no one, not even family members, a civil answer on this one. I hate that so many people have to voice their opinions on other people's choices with children. I have childless-by-choice friends, friends who couldn't have the children they wanted, friends whose children are widely separated due to a variety of reasons, friends who suffered multiple miscarriages, friends who have more than they planned for, friends who have children through adoption, IV fertilization, etc. Unthinking questions hurt in all these situations. Again, nobody's business than your own.

Me, being me, I would have some sort of flip stock answer for those I don't know well, and who have no business even thinking the question....something like "dh is transgendered so we can't have a kid the usual way, want to donate sperm?" Rude question deserves a rude answer.

Family and close friends are a little more complicated, but it is still none of their business. A simple "that's a rather personal question, why do you ask" ought to be enough. Brothers, sisters, mom and dad can handle a "its none of your dammed business, so knock it off".

You owe no explanation, you owe no justification. Your choice, period! Say your stock sentence, and change the topic of conversation. Eventually everyone will leave you alone, those who don't are bores who require a rather more forceful response, probably with bad language included.

 

[EweSheep]

Yes I am one of those women that played with horses instead of Barbie or break Barbie. Even my extended families (grandparents, uncles and aunts and their kids) were sooooooo many of them. Not every one of us would have kids and happy not to have kids. I dont have that strong maternal traits like my sister who is very doting to kids while I am rather aloof with them.

The question when you are going to have kids never did pop up, it was MY decision that I wanted to get married but kids will be in the future if and when we have them. I got married at 39 years old and had my daughter that same year. Talk about OLD in that term but glad I took my time finding the right guy. I always get the flack in my twenties and thirties that "you're going to be an old maid and no one would want you" type of thing. I love my independence and come and go when I want. I do miss that...it is selfish for me but brutally honest as well. Don't get me wrong I love my DD but we both decided NOT to have anymore kids after so many complications resulted from my emergency C-section. No more! There is MORE love to give to my DD than she ever would have if she had more siblings and we both can focus on HER and give her all the selfish love from us only, and only her! My hubby got more of a maturnal instinct than I do and fiercely overprotective of her...like another Boyd LOL!

However my FIL still insist to have more kids, he wanted GRANDSONS. He barely acknowledge my DD and my DD does not call him Grandpa because she has my father and "adoptive" Grandparents (by the way, are so proud to be grandparents for my DD!). I told him that we are not planning on having any more kids because of the complications and our age are against the odds. So to give us the "security" we (as parents and as a couple), I went to have my tubes tied. Do you know what my FIL said to me? He told me it can be untied like untying a ribbon LOL! I told him no, I gave my OB/GYN a threat of his life that if I ever get pregnant, HE (the doc) will support this kid until it finishes high school. Doc said he has not yet ever had one that would become pregnant. They took out a couple cm of tubes, burned the heck out of the ends and clamped them both so 100% guaranteed not ever have kids. Reversed tubal litigation, very impossible for me.

It has been six years I had my DD and my FIL still to this day said, when will we have a grandson for him.

EACH AND EVERY TIME!!!! Don't he ever get it?????!!!!!! I don't think so!

So all in all, I appaulled

anyone that CHOSE to be childless...believe it or not, it is a growing numbers of couples of their own reason not wanting to have kids. I think society nowadays are more acceptive of seeing "child-free".

 

[Candiss]

If you do not want to have children, that is your choice and just because a person does not want children of their own does not mean they do not like children. I have 2 kids and they are the greatest things in the world but now I worry all the time.. This is a scary world.. I applaud you for doing what is in your heart and people (including family) need to respect your decision.

Candace

 

[@~rosecityfarmgirl~@]

Quote:
I completely agreed!!!