Appropriate Punishment?

[NapsWithChickens]

I read about two pages of this thread and wanted to just jump in. I'll go back and catch up on the rest in a minute, but I wanted to share what works for me.

I have four kids - daughter 15, daughter 13, son 11 and son with ADHD who is 8. Getting them out of the house in the morning can be a challenge, for sure, and they certainly do their share of bone head manuevers. The biggest issue I have at my house is when they "forget" to do their chores. I'm a divorced mom - just me and the kids - and I expect everyone to pitch in. I pay the bills... and they feed the chickens, do the dishwasher, pooper scoop, etc.

I was turning into a nasty, frustrated policeman trying to keep track of who did or didn't do their chores... until I made a chore chart that organized all the chores and who was responsible for what. (More of a spreadsheet and definately not one of those get-a-smiley-face-sticker-when-you-make-your-bed kind of things... LOL) Now when they don't do something... or if I have to tell them to do something (like set the table for supper or put the roosters away in their dark boxes), I just assign extra chores as a consequence.

Now, they hate extra chores... but they especially hate to spread mulch around the yard. Hee hee. I go to the local gardening place and buy these compressed mulch blocks. A typical consequence is three mulch blocks - breaking them open, spreading the mulch and rehydrating it. Since they hate it so much, it works as a good stick. When they spread the mulch, it makes the yard look better (mine is big)... so it is a win-win situation.

Okay, if my daughter did as yours did... I'd give her a dressing down and I would either give her mulch blocks... or if I was really ticked: take away all screen time for a week ("screen time" = any leisure time spent on the computer, watching a dvd or tv, playing gameboy/playstation, texting friends {they hand over their phone at home} etc. Taking this priviledge away is VERY effective.)... take away any social events for a period of time... etc. Alternatively, I would sit her down and let her calculate - based on our electric bill - what her open-the-window-and-heat-the-great-outdoors cost... and then charge her that (taking it out of her allowance or giving her work to do around the house to pay off that debt).

Raising responsible adults who are accountable for their actions is a labor of intense love. I'm really proud of your desire to be a good parent and raise good kids!

 

[DuckLady]

Nail the window shut (or open), disable the thermostat, and if she misses the bus, make her stay home and give her all the dirtiest jobs you can think of and stand over her as she does them.

Probably she will be early to the bus next time.

 

[savingdogs]

Your post was quite interesting to me because we were having the same issue with my 13-year-old son aka Trouble. Due to this and other factors, we have started him with online public homeschooling so he never NEEDS to catch a bus. School is right here at the house.

However, we have used all of your methods of punishment at one time or another and do find taking away the phone is one of the most effective. However Trouble will misbehave even when we have confiscated his phone and television.

He HATES some of the chores I dream up when he is especially in trouble however. I usually pick something that has been avoided by everyone because it is especially icky. Cleaning up dog poo or changing kitty litter boxes, scrubbing out the chicken water bowls, doing dishes or other neglected housework like scrubbing out the inside of the trash barrel, or picking up trash from the road or yard, scrubbing the toilet. Things every teen adores doing. Washing every window in the house, inside and out. That kind of thing. So I voted for "chores" on your poll because that is my ultimate punishment...grounded, no phone or TV AND doing chores to fill all that empty time.

The plus side for me is I get my anger diffused because some nasty chore I didn't want to do is getting accomplished and Trouble hates my smug expression about it.

 

[rancher hicks]

Well I had heard that all those shrunken heads were really teenagers who did nt' get up for school on time but I guess that's out of the question. Do whatever you think will motivate her the most. Maybe take her down and stand in the welfare line w/ all the other teens who didn't want go to school. Seriously sit her down and say why didn't you get up? Then listen. If she says I don't know tell her yes she does and you are willing to accept what ever answers she has.

As for the open window I'd be doing a shake down of her room for a stash. If she accuses you of not trusting her say yep and what you've done is why. This is the consequences of YOUR actions.

It's been said children should be seen and not heard but today many parents don't want to see there children either. Take them w/ you whether they want to go or not. They'll come around. Ignore the fussing and fuming. We did this w/ one of our daughters and now she has to call home everyday and has plans to come and live w/ us. She's 30 and married. I love her, she's a pain in the butt. All kids should have chores to do w/ and w/o their parents. Dinner should be family time and everyone and friends around the table.

Never, never, never miss the opt. to tell them you love them.

Raising teenagers is like trying to nail jello to a tree!

 

[duck walk]

ahhh Boyd...I am so glad them days are over for me...I raised six of the little darlings and only two of those were mine...I found that the suspension of privlages seemed to work the best to get a point across...we were military and a little "boot camp" was employed from time to time...I do remember a bucket of ice cubes dumped on a guy who liked to sleep in and miss the bus worked pretty well...only did that once...after graduation one of the boys was living at home and working...he came home drunk one night and I picked him up, carried him outside and threw him off the deck into the garden...told him he could sleep with the okra until he sobered up...same one let his pot pipe fall out of his pocket one afternoon when he came in from work...I gave him three choices and he did not like any of the three but we did go the next day and enlist in the army...after six years of that he decided to do college and be a REALLY good citizen...I was very creative at times and all of them are alive, well and prosperous...the baby just went 22 years in the Army, has a Master's Degree and is learning to fly...things I did not do was play around, make excuses, accept bad behavior or lie to them...I made them believe in consequences for one's actions...and I must say, the boys were easier than the girls...one of the girls gave me the "you are not my mother and I don't have to do what you say" thing...once...I told her to pack and go wait at the curb for her "mother." Along about dark after several hours out there sitting on her suitcase, she apologized and said she would abide by the rules and could she please come in and eat and just go to bed...THAT was kind of funny...but they learned...with eight people in the house to care for and a farm to run, everyone had to behave, pitch in, respect one another...I wish you the best with your charges...and I am really glad it is your turn and my turn is over...chickens and ducks and geese are sooooo easy...

 

[Ridgerunner]

Quote:
Who said pajamas? Drawers. Only his drawers!

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

I haven't read the whole thing, but my parents would have threatened to make us walk to school! That's kind of harsh in this weather, but you could charge her for your gas and time to take her to school. That'll set her straight real quick!

 

[babylady4]

I have done the super-soaker, sic the dogs on her, and if she does not get her act together I WILL go to school in my most gaudy embarrassing outfit possible and follow her all over the school.... she has never let it get that far because she knows I will do it; no idle threats at this house!

I think you will get it worked out just fine Boyd; you're a good dad.

Oh, here if the kid can't make it to school the Police will come and escort the child to the school AS IS. Of course the parents would be ticketed but getting a personal escort from the police is enough of a threat for most kids.

 

[Boyd]

hehehe the hard part about this whole situation is it was my most level headed of the 4 girls. The little goody two shoes. I almost have a hard time giving her extra chores because she jumps in and does whatevers needed without asking most of the time......

But she can be such a blond at times..........

 

[Lil_Chickadee]

Quote:
That's probably what my mom would have done. I certainly would have remembered not to do it again.