- Jul 27, 2009
- 183
- 2
- 109
I was not adopted but often wished I was by some other family rather than the dysfunctional/abusive home I grew up in. BUT we did adopt 3 children of our own. The two older were not formal adoptions - one was a more or less foster child from 5 yrs to 13 yrs then no contact until she turned of age at 18 and called from Tennesee & wanted to come "home". She stayed until 21. My son showed up at 16 with no where to go - only slightly knew him but took him in and he stayed until 20. My baby girl was adopted at 2 days old, is bi-racial and the joy of my life.
It was a long hard and often frustrating road with the two older children - they both suffered from past sexual & physical abuse. But we preservered and now they are both married & have small children of their own. They are doing well and although we had to eventually place limitations & do not see them as much as we would like, they both seem to be happier, healthier and in control as young married adults with children. We often felt that we had failed with these two older kids.. but over time you do see the positive aspects you passed to them. They each have to find their own way...
As to my baby girl... her birth mom placed her for private adoption so she could finish college. She agonized over her decision and took 2 days to finally decide. She chose us although she had never met us. She wanted the best for this child and knew she was currently unable to give it herself. She held my daughter and explained this with the nurses present & cried as I can only guess a mother can. She chose a closed adoption because she did not think she could bear any contact although we encouraged an open adoption. DD was the greatest gift God ever supplied us. A beautiful, talented, intelligent child who turns 13 next month. She only realized she was adopted a couple of years ago due to one of those "tactless" people who came up to her & my wife and asked "is this your adopted daughter"... to which my wife said "NO, this is my daughter." DD is not our "adopted" daughter - she is our daughter - period. DD had a few questions about her birth mother which we answered truthfully to the best of our ability. We also offered to find her birth mother when & if she so chooses. So far, DD does not want to pursue finding her birth mother because in her words... we "are her parents".
I thank God for mothers who choose to give their child a future when they know that they cannot supply an adequate home. I thank God for all three of the children God placed in our lives... and even for the hard times & the lessons learned. Of all 3 - only my son has reconnected to his birth family and after a while he limited his contact with them due to their negative influence. Oldest daughter has embraced her in-laws as her family & they are great, supportive people. As for youngest daughter - when the time comes - if it comes - we will support her decisions to re-connect with her birth family... I am just thankful and have been truely blessed to be given the gift of sharing at least parts of each of their lives. If I never have any other contact from them once they are grown... I do not regret taking them in nor adopting the youngest. I thank God we were able to share our lives with them & am privilidged that they shared their lives with us.
It was a long hard and often frustrating road with the two older children - they both suffered from past sexual & physical abuse. But we preservered and now they are both married & have small children of their own. They are doing well and although we had to eventually place limitations & do not see them as much as we would like, they both seem to be happier, healthier and in control as young married adults with children. We often felt that we had failed with these two older kids.. but over time you do see the positive aspects you passed to them. They each have to find their own way...
As to my baby girl... her birth mom placed her for private adoption so she could finish college. She agonized over her decision and took 2 days to finally decide. She chose us although she had never met us. She wanted the best for this child and knew she was currently unable to give it herself. She held my daughter and explained this with the nurses present & cried as I can only guess a mother can. She chose a closed adoption because she did not think she could bear any contact although we encouraged an open adoption. DD was the greatest gift God ever supplied us. A beautiful, talented, intelligent child who turns 13 next month. She only realized she was adopted a couple of years ago due to one of those "tactless" people who came up to her & my wife and asked "is this your adopted daughter"... to which my wife said "NO, this is my daughter." DD is not our "adopted" daughter - she is our daughter - period. DD had a few questions about her birth mother which we answered truthfully to the best of our ability. We also offered to find her birth mother when & if she so chooses. So far, DD does not want to pursue finding her birth mother because in her words... we "are her parents".
I thank God for mothers who choose to give their child a future when they know that they cannot supply an adequate home. I thank God for all three of the children God placed in our lives... and even for the hard times & the lessons learned. Of all 3 - only my son has reconnected to his birth family and after a while he limited his contact with them due to their negative influence. Oldest daughter has embraced her in-laws as her family & they are great, supportive people. As for youngest daughter - when the time comes - if it comes - we will support her decisions to re-connect with her birth family... I am just thankful and have been truely blessed to be given the gift of sharing at least parts of each of their lives. If I never have any other contact from them once they are grown... I do not regret taking them in nor adopting the youngest. I thank God we were able to share our lives with them & am privilidged that they shared their lives with us.
