Barn Trouble (Horse People Please Post) -Update on Page 6-

[geebs]

Welsummerchicks WOW!!!!

Was this supposed to be nice and helpful? I missed that part entirely. Now not only does she get unsolicited advice about her riding from him....it appears she gets another "double barrel" right here. If there was humor in the post... I missed that as well.

Tinted Good luck with the choice.. Post us some pix if you get a chance. Glad to see you have options.

 

[EweSheep]

Welsummerchicks does have a point and I agree with his points because I have SEEN things like that in boarding stables, at college, and everything else related to horses. I might be OLD but his experience calls for something worthwhile. YOu do have to develop a thick skin when you are being critized for something or even the breed you love (as for me Paso Finos are better than TB's and QH's because of their temperment and gaits however someone else who loves the breed, would say Pasos are too small, too brio and etc). So to each their own.

So I do not think Welsummerchicks isn't trying to put down OP's problems with the boarder and his horses. He is just stating as in general but yes I do agree that Op's decision in moving the horse from the previous location was a good one and a very VALID reasons why she needs to move her horse out of there. Not all boarding stables are created equal. It is just a general view on the next boarding stable you are going to get some folks to go against the grain of what OP's goal for her riding and horse's goals would be.

To the OP, I am glad you are looking into another facility. do not look at this as your class mates, that is another category. It should look into as a BUSINESS, not a friendship kind of thing. Whether you like this friend or not, you are boarding your horse as business and fun for you and your horse, not your friends.

Good luck!

OOPS! I thought Welsummerchicks is a male, unfortunately I was wrong LOL! He is indeed a SHE!

 

[welsummerchicks]

No, it is not meant to be mean, and I am relieved she decided to leave...it sounds like a poorly organized and run barn, as well as having the old guy pick on her all the time. But I also think the OP is assuming I mean a lot of things I don't actually mean. When what someone says seems wrong, I'd prefer you ask for clarification instead of just attacking. I don't always get the right words down or complete the thought properly, so please ask if it sounds bad to you.

For example, maybe 'grow a thick skin' is interpreted as 'you're being a wimp' or 'this guy is fine', or something like that. I don't mean that. I mean just that being less affected by some comments can help in future.

Too, if someone doesn't seem to 100% agree with your point of view, it might be interesting to read through open mindedly anyway. It might not be of value for this situation, but might apply some other time, or to a friend who asks you for advice. I try to take everything in...I might not see the usefulness of the information right away, but I can store it away and it might prove useful some other day.

Re the riding comment: that it is pointless to try to compare one's own skill level to other people in order to get treated right. I did not mean she sucks, what I mean is, there are always people at all different levels of abilities in barns. A manager has to respect ALL of them. Treat them all decently. I don't feel one has to 'earn' good treatment thru achievement in riding. I've been at barns where I was a beginner and treated, well, and where I was treated like dirt. I think it is better to try to treat all riders, regardless of level, the same way. We've all seen the barn where the relative or the winning show rider gets fawned on by the owner or trainer...yech. I used to be with a trainer that did that. But HE fawned on the rich ones and didn't care how they rode. He always thought he would get something out of them....(grin) he never did.

There is not one barn I have ever been at, that didn't have some problems. We have to learn to deal with that. There are always little under currents and things to deal with. Where ever people gather.

As I've gotten older I've gotten less easily upset by what people say. Part of it is that over the years one sees the same behavior over and over. Part of it too, is I started realizing the 69 year old barrel racer who has taken on the role of Big Boss Man at his little run down backyard barn and is picking on boarders, he is really a very sad figure. I imagine when you leave, he'll stand in the door and shout down the driveway, 'and English riders stink!' and then shuffle back into his little barn. One gets to my age and starts feeling sorry for people.

But one also learns to beat the feet! As an old timer said, 'when you see a mess, don't step in it'. Such crude advice, a little funny, and a lot wise. He also said, 'if you ever seen someone tryin' to load a hoss and havin' a problem run don't walk the other way'. If you get the horse in they will hate you, if you don't, they will tell everyone it's your fault...that was his take on it.

I recall I was at a tack store and an old timer about his age was there, holding forth about how Appendix Quarter horses are so awful, they are ruining the breed. And sure, I know the whole debate already, I have heard it a thousand times. So when that comes up, and he says, 'what kinder horse you got?' I say, 'I had a foundation quarter horse....' which is true...foundating RUNNING quarter horse... 30 YEARS ago...LOL.. and then I make my best move...RUN!!!! Sprint for the car!!..LOL!

There was the barn manager who let the staff drive at top speed around the outside of the indoor arena. The beginner's horses would scatter and they would fly off their horses. Those riders were petrified of that truck or tractor tearing by the door. The parents complained to the riding instructor. Some customers left. Also a problem for me, trying to rehab an injured horse. I didn't want him spinning around on that leg.

The barn manager's view was, 'if their horses are afraid of that door they should be working the **** out of them down there and making them get used to it, and they will be better riders'.

My answer was that none of the riders were yet able to work a horse that way, and that he is the manager, not the trainer, and he has no contract stating they have agreed to be his students, and any court would find him in civil negligence if it came to a lawsuit, which it inevitably would. Yes, I was already loading up and leaving at that point...LOL. My only point is that there are issues from time to time in every barn.

Another one. A gal I know is hard of hearing. Another rider asked her if she could put her horse in the wash rack next to her. She didn't hear. It's Saturday AM, there are about 68 horses at that barn, and most of their owners and families are there on Saturday. She's hard of hearing - has tinnitus and had her head down cleaning the horse's feet. It takes her a second to realize someone is talking to her, and often she has to say, 'sorry, what?' as she doesn't get what they said.

BIG royal flap at the barn. Friend of the rider goes to the hard of hearing lady to tell her she was so rude to her sensitive, shy friend. The woman is like...'ok, when did I do that?'

A few months later, part of the older lady's horse's tail is hacked off, and her locker is filled with fresh manure.

Someone rides in front of someone accidentally. The other rider assumes it was deliberate, rather than the girl is just a beginner and clueless as to how to navigate around other riders. The cut off girl snaps, the other one snaps, and two months later, they get in a fist fight at the lesson sign up board when they both want the same time!

I do think it's important to avoid gossipers. Once I was standing there getting something out of my locker as quick as I could, and not an hour later, I heard a girl say, 'and Mary this and Mary that, and SHE agreed with us!' and pointing to me!

Once a beginner gal came into the ring and started giving me a 'lesson'. Now, at that barn there was a trainer, that we paid and there was NO teaching allowed by anyone else and stated in the board contract that this other gal had signed....what does one DO in such a situation. Well, she did not respond to 'please ask Vicki if you are allowed to teach here'...so I proceeded to very quietly and seriously do the exact opposite of every command she gave me..eventually she walked away.

These are examples, gleaned from decades of boarding, but the sad truth is that where ever people gather, little things do come up. A group of boarders may all like riding, but they may have very little else in common. What they value, how they communicate...they could have nothing else in common.

And I will still say - it's good to develop a thick skin, to smile and nod at most comments, and say loudly, 'THAAAANKS!' and walk away. Another popular comment (from southern manners) is 'Well BLESS YOUR HEART!' But that poker face, not looking like it is getting to you...that's important too. As an old friend told me, 'Think of it as a poker game'.

I agree with the general advice from the horse magazine, keep a low profile, don't ask for advice or help, don't seem to ever be interested in any advice or help, spend as little time hanging around at the barn as possible, and stay away from the drama llamas.

 

[EweSheep]

Welsummerchicks, I am hard of hearing and I can relate to that LOL!

 

[welsummerchicks]

I got it too, from this neck injury. I think my most used word now is 'what?' My hubby told someone, 'My name is 'Wudja Repeat That?''

 

[EweSheep]

Hubby got the habit of saying Whatdda where, who and how????

 

[Willow's Meadow]

LOL. I was at a barn exactly like that once! With a MEAN, rude, insensitive guy liek that around that age! LEAVE! I left and life has gotten a lot better! I finally realized your supposed to enjoy going to the barn and look forward to it not have it be a chore!!!!!! But I am sick of riding at a barn you have to go to anyway.......next year I plan to put my horse in my own backyard with the chickens in the barn!!!!! To much drama at the stables(even my new one!!)!

 

[Kansaseq]

Wellsummerchick,
I think I get what you are trying to say.
What other people think of you is not nearly as important as what you think of yourself.
All horses, in the right (or wrong) situation, have the potential to kick. Far better to act safely around them than to assume your horse will never hurt you.
Sometimes people say hurtful things out of ignorance, with no real intention to hurt you.

Am I close?

 

[19hhbelgian]

The thing that's worse than being given unsolicited advice is being asked for advice. Don't look for a barn where everybody is nice and happy go lucky - you won't find it. Look for a place with a responsible owner that takes care of the horses and you are able to talk to - nobody else matters. As others have stated, there are always little petty things going on at boarding facilities with more than 1 boarder. The barn I was happiest at was an old stone barn with enough room for my 2 boys and the owners 2 horses. He was a very nice person and it was perfect. Only reason I ever moved was because he moved. Now I just thank my lucky stars and hubb that my horses are at home

We can type all day for you not to take things to heart... Reality is that it does make you wonder, to an extent. Just keep your own mantra in the back of your mind, telling yourself that you are capable

 

[Tinted]

I had wanted to post 3 paragraphs explaning how exactly you sound wrong, but managed to control the impulse to strike back. I still dont see your point, or agree with many of your ideas but I no longer feel like you ment to sound degrading and rude. I still disagree but I respect that everyone holds to a different standard. I am friendly I will always talk to people and interact, that is simply the way I am. Sounds to me that by not talking to anyone you become the rude stuck-up snob of the barn, which is fine for some people, but I listen and learn from people who ride better than I do. Plus if you are like me (The only horse person in your family/friend circle) you need to know other horse people.

If I keep my horse somewhere I want to know the people who are around him, at least on the point where they would call me if something was obviously wrong with my horse. I learn more from watching and asking questions than I do trying to figure stuff out the hard way on my own, and one of the big issues when I went looking for a new barn was people my own age group riding a similar style as I do. At least that way I will have someone to ride with over the 140 acres of land and trails.