Bonding with my horse AND getting her to focus???

[geebs]

They don't want your friendship.

Book: Mary Twelve ponies 'There are no problem horses, Only problem riders'

Good program Pat Parelli... He is a good jumping off point for "horses for dummies".... His is a great program to understand the way a horse think...

They are not going to bond with unfairness....Only good solid leadership. and that means fairness in thier eyes... In order to be able to grapple with that understanding you must read about the psycology of a horse. They don't want to be your friend.... they gain nothing in the "friendship" as it were.

They are NOT dogs...They are not dogs... they are not dogs...

They want comfort and safety. Training is the means to prove good leadership through providing saftey and comfort in a predictable way.

 

[Rusty Hills Farm]

That could be what she means by 'mystical'

Umm, I'm a "he". Okay, so maybe "mystical" was a bit over the top. But some horses are way more intelligent than others and you CAN develop a much closer relationship with them. They can become invested in someone much the way that a person becomes invested in them. There is more trust perhaps? But they can develop a working partnership wherein they read me as well as I read them--intuitive perhaps? Whatever the right word is, in cutting it makes for some really sweet runs with high scores. And it sure doesn't happen with every horse or even most of them. When it does happen, it does feel like a special bond, tho.


Rusty​

 

[patandchickens]

sometimes I bring her in the arena and let her loose and I play with her and I'll be sitting there and I'll be talking to her and she'll just start knocking over the other chairs or trying to drink coffee out of someone's leftover coffee.

Can I bring this up specifically? It worries me. It sounds to me like you are letting her loose in an arena that has chairs and tables and coffee and stuff like that accessible to the horse; and it sounds to me like you are sitting down in a chair with the horse totally-loose around you.

I'm not saying that's so dangerous with a experienced well-trained horse who fully knows the rules and respects your boundaries... but doing it with a "very very green" horse who you say has attention problems and tends to do unwise and uncontrolled things ("knocking over other chairs"), it is NOT A GOOD PLAN.

Hanging out with the horse is a good thing, mind you. But it needs to be in a *safe environment*, and you need to be in a position where you can get outta the way if necessary. The same horse that slowly meanders along pushing over an unoccupied chair can perfectly well be standing there next to where you're sitting and then, without any mean intentions, have you flat on the ground after doing the same to *your* chair. And a number of similar possibilities.

As to your question:

I agree with the previous posts, it sounds to me like you are to some degree in over your head with this horse at the moment, and it may very well be something you can deal with WITH ON-SITE PROFESSIONAL HELP but is not a "fix it over the internet" project. You and the horse need to learn a common language with which to communicate, and then actually use it on a regular ongoing basis. It's not a theory thing, it is a DOING thing, and only someone THERE with you can teach you tact and timing and interpretation and to use your body and aids correctly and so forth, and clarify to you what the horse is actually doing/thinking and give some kind of reality-check on your expectations.

I know it is popular in these situations to suggest people watch NH videos or attend NH clinics but I would really kinda steer you AWAY from doing things like that in this case... reason being, that is pretty reliably harmless for people who had a good communication basis with their horses to begin with, but for a very green horse and a rider who is not sure where to start, it not-infrequently goes very very wrong because the IMPORTANT things just cannot be learned by watching or reading.

Get a good experienced horseman to help you. Really really. This is not necessarily a *difficult* thing to fix, but it requires someone being there giving you real-time advice and feedback and demonstration with your horse.

Good luck, have fun, don't sit in chairs around less-than-impeccably-behaved horses,

Pat​

 

[welsummerchicks]

Agree with Pat.

 

[Bunnylady]

I'm going to take a completely different tack and tell you that your horse is paying attention to you, every second. Kind of like when you are driving a car, you pay attention to the cars around you, the traffic signals, the road signs, the conversation with the person in the passenger's seat; you divide your attention among all of these things until the brake lights on the car in front of you tell you that you need a lot of your attention on him! Your horse is very much aware of you and what you are doing, she just doesn't feel that what you are doing warrants her undivided attention. If she were scared out of her mind by you, you'd better believe she would be attuned to your every breath and blink! But that is because you would represent a very immediate threat, and she would feel her continuing to draw breath might hang on what you do next (not a place most of us want to be with a horse). A horse is an herbivore (read "prey animal") so they must be constantly aware of their environment and any possible threats that might be lurking in their surroundings. They are naturally programmed to divide their attention. I want to respond to your question "how do I get my horse to pay attention to me" with another, "what are you doing that she would want to pay attention to?"

Some of this is her state of training. Green horses are notoriously distractable and "spooky" because they don't have years of experience tuning out non-threatening (or non-rewarding) distractions. Some of it may be her personality. A lot of what you are describing sounds like curiosity, she may be the brighter sort of horse that gets bored easily.

For one thing, horses don't neigh that much.

You'd never know this by me! I work at a barn, where I do feeding, blanketing, and turn-out for 18 horses. Sometimes, when I show up, it is absolute pandemonium! When I have hay or feed buckets in my hands, I am everybody's best friend; I am surrounded by neighing and nickering horses (and a few kicking the stall walls too,

). When I am turning them out, if I say, "OK, who's next?" I get a chorus of horsey voices saying "me, me, pick me!" But of course, these are special circumstances; all of these animals want something. Do you reckon the writers of these horse books visited the barn at feeding time?

Because I represent things they like (food and turn-out), most of the horses at the barn are very eager to be around me. In some ways, it gives me a bit of an edge; even hard to catch horses come right up to me! It does make things difficult sometimes, though. For example, I can't watch the lessons, except from a distance. All of the lesson horses act like I'm some kind of horse magnet; nice round circles become egg-shaped when I'm around. Even the most reliable horses get scatterbrained and stop listening when I'm around!​

 

[patandchickens]

Quote:
That's probably a really good summary of the situation IMO. (Although I am less convinced perhaps than Bunnylady that horses are always *that* peripherally aware of what we're doing, until/unless it represents something important like Food or Danger... I think horses' brains do a lot of filtering of input and we often get filtered out much of the time unless a horse is taught otherwise...)

So perhaps the best answer to "try and explain it, try!" would be: you need to find a good instructor who can show you how to engage the horse in continual two-way communication so the horse *does* feel that what you're doing warrants her (mostly-)undivided attention. This sort of has two aspects -- one, becoming fluently able TO communicate with the horse, and two, learning how to do it on an ongoing basis in a way that the horse finds constructive rather than annoying

Again, bottom line: need someone there in person.

Pat

 

[Sumatra503]

I love the fact thqat everyone has to say the same thing every time and just restate eachother.

It would perhaps help you more to seek the help of an experienced person at your barn. Someone who knows horses well and will give you help and not their opinion.

I believe that Bonding Time is absolutely essential when developing a relationship with your horse. It will not replace training, but will strengthen the bond your horse has with you and will strengthen the trust they have in you.

Having her loose in the arena is fine, I have done this with my horse. Be sure you pick up all the chairs and other distractions first. Stand in the arena and talk to her as she walks around. Stroke and pat her when she comes close. Try to build your relationship up.

Train her at a different time that is separate from bonding time.

It may help you to lunge her or work her out before you try to get some focus. Try to keep her attention while you work her out and once she is tired out a bit she may be more attentive. She probably has a bit too much energy from being cooped up all day. Lunging is a good time to work on attention issues. Work her in the roundpen where there aren't as many distractions or in a more secluded part of the barn.

Her attention span will grow in time. She is still green and has a lot to learn. Just give her time and she will settle in for you.

 

[Celtic Hill]

Quote:
Umm, I'm a "he".

That happens to me ALL the time on here. lol


we all have different opinions but i think the best thing to do is get a trainer.

 

[Rusty Hills Farm]

getting her attention/focus on me

I've been riding the same saddle and wearing the same brand of jeans for a lot of years now. Those jeans always wear out in exactly the same spot. It's right where the suede seat meets the smooth leather of the flap and I have worn out pair after pair of jeans in that exact spot BECAUSE of the number of hours I have spent sitting that saddle over the years. Which is just a backhanded way to say that horses you work with every single day, day after day, with consistent aids and a clear-cut notion of what you are trying to accomplish--that is how to "get her attention/focus" on you. Give her interesting work that piques her attention and be ready to praise her when she does it right and growl when she doesn't. From the get-go I use a course of barrels, cavaletti poles laid right on the ground, upright poles, boxes, etc ridden in a totally random pattern of zig-zagging back and forth and as mixed up as I can manage. Usually by their second day on the course they are eager to go and totally enjoying the game because it is NEVER boring yet teaches them the basics. They get to have fun! They quickly learn to love it--and me with it. They always seem to forget all about fighting me or bucking or generally being a pain in the a$$. Then I ease some drills in between the games. Later on, when we graduate to trails, they are eager to go have fun. When we finally add some cows to the mix, most of them absolutely blossom!

And when we're both tired and head back for the barn, they seem to genuinely enjoy the bath/brush/comb/whatever and are content to head for their stalls for that final flake of hay and a good, long nap. I sincerely believe my horses enjoy their lives, enjoy their work, and enjoy the time we spend together. I know I sure do. All of this takes months and months of every day work, of course, but it does make for a very nice, well-rounded animal. BTW I always try not to spend more than 30 minutes in the arena at a time. I really do NOT believe in those 2-3-4 hour "training sessions" some people seem to do. It's my personal opinion that after about 30 minutes in the arena, your horse stops enjoying himself and it becomes a chore. And we all know how kids feel about chores!

Don't know if any of this is helpful at all, but it's what I've been doing for about 45-50 years now, and it has worked for me.

HTH

Rusty​

 

[verity]

"Rusty" -- I love your website --