Clean Blonde Jokes!!!

Date sort Score sort
babymakes6 said:
Why was the blonde fired from her job at the M & M factory?



















She kept throwing out the W's.
Click to expand...
her two blond sisters where fired from there also one kept throwing out the e's and the other was trying to put them in alphabetic order.
Her blond mom and dad didn't last long either her father was fired for standing on a ladder with his hands out streathced over her mother calling out I'm a light I'm a light and her mother quit when asked why she said she couldn't work if there where no light.
 
That stinks!!
barnie.gif
 
I've got a few:


There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the Lotto."
Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it. She again prays..."God, please let me win the Lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lotto night comes and she still has no luck. Once again, she prays..."My God, why have You forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I have always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the Lotto just this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God Himself..."Sweetheart, work with Me on this... Buy a ticket"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An exhausted looking blond dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."
"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."
"Great," the blond answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."
A few weeks later the blond returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"
"I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"
"That may be true," answered the blond wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
So she went to a playground, grabbed a kid, and took him behind a tree. 'I've kidnapped you!', said the blonde and then proceeded to write a note saying, 'I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and place it under the pecan tree next to the playground. Signed, A Blonde.'
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked under the tree and surely enough, a paper bag was sitting there. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, 'How could you do this to a fellow blonde?'

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first-class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not have a first-class ticket. The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving."
Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman, asking her to please move out of the first-class section. Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving."
The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this."
He went to the first-class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?"
Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally persuaded her to move from her seat. He said, "I told her the first-class section wasn't going to New York."
 
Got some more.

A blonde began a job as an elementary school counsellor, and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer.

She approached and asked if he was alright. The boy said he was. A little while later however, she noticed the boy was in the same spot, still by himself.
Approaching again, the blonde said, "Would you like me to be your friend?"
The boy hesitated, then said, "Okay", looking at the woman suspiciously.
Feeling she was making progress, she then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone? Why don't you go and join those boys playing soccer over there?"
"Because," the little boy said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a blonde gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?"
"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."
"What sort of question?"
"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'
The blonde thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about all his employees' well being, asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
The boss, feeling very sorry at this point, explains to the young girl. "Why don't you go home for the day, we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."
The blonde very calmly states, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know."
Well, a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying!! He rushes out to her, asking, "What's so bad now. Are you gonna be ok?"
"No!" exclaims the blonde. "I just got a call from my sister. She told me that HER mom died too!!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A blonde walks into work and notices one of her coworkers hanging from the light bulb. She asks him what he's doing and he answers "My boss won't let me have any time of, so when she comes I'm going to act all crazy so that she'll send me home to rest."
"That will never work" Answered the blond.
Right then the boss walked in.
"I'm a light bulb! I'm a light bulb!"
"I think you need some rest, why don't you take the day off"
Realizing what he did, the blond followed him out
"Where do you think you're going!" said her boss.
"Going home, I can't work in the dark!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One day, a blond was driving down the road when a blond cop pulled her over.
"License and registration please"
"Sorry, I don't have it with me"
"do you have any sort of, identification?"
"All I have is this picture of myself" she says as she pulls a mirror out of her purse and hands it to the officer.
"Well, if I would have known you were a cop I wouldn't have pulled you over! You can go now. "
 

Similar threads

C
Ducks pipping on day 25! Help?!
Replies
4
Views
289
Copper9Miko1
C
Cheekychook12
Rooster with respiratory symptoms
Replies
4
Views
247
Cheekychook12
Cheekychook12
A
    • Like
    • Sad
Headless flock
Replies
9
Views
381
StinkyAcres
StinkyAcres
Dharmachick
    • Wow
    • Sad
    • Like
Postmaster took chicks home
2 3
Replies
20
Views
981
nuthatched
nuthatched
P
    • Like
Us vs them orpingtons
Replies
3
Views
198
RojoMarz
RojoMarz

New posts New threads Active threads

Back
Top Bottom