Funfeathers
Hatching
- Apr 17, 2018
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I am sorry that you are going through it. Seems the Mom's are the collateral damage during a breakup. After all, we fed the boyfriends, joked with them, had them confide in us and hear them flat out say that they are madly in love with one's daughter. How can we not love someone who loves ones kid?Thank you, Funfeathers for your reply! It is so great to be heard and have your feelings validated. I am so sorry that you have been going through this for two months- it really is a grieving process, which totally took me by surprise. My daughter and I are really close and she asked my advice regularly about situations with him- it was her first serious relationship so in many instances she did not know exactly how to handle things which got me more invested than I ever should have been! Lesson learned. He also treated her so well that it was impossible not to start caring about him and caring about their relationship. Their break up is due to situational reasons and not any loss of love. I guess one positive thing I have learned is that if there are over 600 posts on this thread there must be plenty of great young men for our daughters to end up with when they are ready. Many of the guys she has dated are just looking for something casual so her BF was a nice change- someone who loved her and wasn’t afraid to show it. I guess there are many wonderful fish in the sea for her and all our great daughters.
For me, I think the emotion would be about the temporary loss of a dream. We all want our D's to find good husbands--men who are strong, honest, capable, and who will be good and kind to them. When there's a break-up, suddenly your D's ducks are no longer neatly all in a row, and so now there's uncertainty again for you, and so you put back an item on your mom's list of worries.
I guess all we can do is know that we gave our kids a good set of values and hope that it acts as a yardstick for them. She chose a great guy as a first love, so I am just crossing my fingers that ultimately she will choose another great guy. Sure, out of the lot they might bring home a stinker, but usually our great kids find other great kids...just not necessarily the right one for a lifetime, for whatever reason. So, we hate to see them go.
If you are like me, you will probably hurt for a while longer but it will get better. And yes, the great lesson here is that Moms must not get too attached or involved. It's hard, but us Moms also need to guard our hearts as well.