Evil Evil Stepfather *grumbles*

[greyfields]

I grew up with a step-dad, too. I pity him really. He's not bright, generally fails at everything for awhile (but eventually suceeds in a few things). Until about 5 years ago I could hardly speak a word to him without wanting to garotte him. It took me a long to realize it wasn't my problem. He finally got some treatment for PTSD (being a Vietnam veteran) and it's changed him completely and radically. He's actually around the farm a few days per week now helping. As long as I don't have to endure him for more than a few hours we get along a lot better now. He's not trying to be someone he's not (the 'father figure').

I'd take some of the advice here loosely and with a grain of salt. At your age, you shouldn't know what you want to do with the rest of your life. And if you did, you'd probably spend several years training for it then change your mind before 30. Life will take you somewhere. Hopefully there will be chickens there. You have a lot of time to make up your mind... but it's still not a bad idea to at least develop a plan and make small steps.

I, too, have struggled with generalized anxiety disorder/moderate depression my whole life (thanks for those genes, Dad :| ). The only good thing about it is the drugs are a lot better today than when I started!! It doesn't have to be a deal breaker as long as you realize what you're going through will pass. You won't be a failure because of it. You'll find your niche.

I doubt your niche will be a full time engineer working from home on a farm which consumes every spare moment growing the garden, grain, hay, chickens, ducks, geese, cows, lamb, pigs, vast quantities of barn cats, and dogs; althewhile dreaming of the day you get to move to England and do it all again as a proper Smallholder. I mean, you can't all have my dream!

 

[greyfields]

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I guess I'd be a little angry, too, if a bunch of people that didn't know me randomly started being critical of my situation across a messageboard. Two things spring to mind:

~ the cliche of "walking a mile" in one's shoes

 

[AngieChick]

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You are the only one that knows the intricacies of your life and the reasons for your decisions. Don't let the advice given hurt your feelings or make you feel judged, I'm sure the givers of said advice mean well.

Not everyone fits into nice neat little boxes.

My boys are doing fine right now in school and at home. We are fortunate enough to live in a place that has schools that embrace the kids that are a little different and engage the creative thinkers. I know it's not like that in most of the country, and sadly many very bright children feel alienated because of it. But, my doors will always be open to my sons, we just don't know what the future holds. And that is between them, myself and my DH. We don't have to please anyone else.

As for your chicken issue, you are probably right that your Step Dad is very attached to animals and knows that he would have a hard time losing them. He is right that it would be more dangerous having them outside, no matter how secure the coop is. I think you will just need to respect that (as he has obviously kindly respected your need for emotional support due to your medical mental health issues). Just make sure to pick out a really gorgeous 2nd chicken and love her to pieces.

 

[redhen]

all i was trying to say was...you CANT let a mental disorder get and KEEP you down...like greyfields said..there are many drugs out there today that really work wonders!...you ARE a very bright, beautiful young woman!!...you CAN get over youre past.many people do...they HAVE TO..they have nooone to shelter them...i KNOW this for a fact because i see it every day...i see teens come into my house that have been so abused...so neglectd ALL their lives(i really wish you could read some of the horror stories about these kids i get...how about being sexually abused so badly by your own family that as a young child you had BOTH hips broken?..)...they have NO mother and father to shelter them..they HAVE to survive...they HAVE to finish school and get a license...or when they are 18..they will REALLY be homeless..and starve...if you dont believe me..ask one of my former foster sons..he's 20 now...when he was 18(not living with me)....the foster company said..well..your 18 today...you have to move out..and when he said he had no place to go...the foster parent had to call the police to have him removed from her property..now..THATS having it tough!..he came to my house..i snuck him in because it BROKE MY HEART!..(he was over 18..and so i couldnt keep him in my house legally with the other kids..because he wouldnt have passed a cory check...because of his juvinelle history...which was why he was in foster care in the first place..)..i helped him all i could...but..HE ALSO HELPED HIMSELF, he got a job....got a $200 beater car..and is still doing okay today(thank god!)....if you live in your past..thats where you will stay!...thats all i was trying to tell you....and some others also...please dont get mad when people are being honest with you...and, no, i dont live your life....but...you put it out there for everyone to see...and so,,you are right..i dont have much pity when i see a VERY capable SMART young woman get angry with people who were trying to give her GOOD/SAGE advice....so, take it or leave it kiddo..its your life in the end...but i honestly DO wish you the best of luck...believe it or not..Peace, Wendy

 

[redhen]

Quote:
I guess I'd be a little angry, too, if a bunch of people that didn't know me randomly started being critical of my situation across a messageboard. Two things spring to mind:

~ the cliche of "walking a mile" in one's shoes

ooh well greyfields... i've walked many miles and have seen alot in my life...

 

[greyfields]

Yes, but you have small feet and they wouldn't fit in whacking great man shoes.

 

[redhen]

edited

 

[English Chick]

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Come on Sweet Cheeks, pick yourself up brush yourself down. Having read all the replies, I don't think the forum is "out to get you" we all have differenst aspects of looking at life, and the members are trying to give you the benefit of their advice - so for that I thank them on your behalf - (((HUGS))) to you.

There are many of us who did not like school, I was one of them, for me the University of Life has been the greatest teacher of all. But life gives us many lessons to be learned some of them hard lessons, but you grow statue wise with them. I understand your need to be near your Mother because of your seperation syndrome - thats OK but don't let it rule your life. But you do need to get out a bit more and experience life even if its not on "the edge" you need friends - life is very lonely without them.

If you don't want to go to school, have you given home learning any consideration? There is a big following in the UK for home learning, and you will receive a diploma after you complete the courses. Here courses are free to those on low incomes, I don't know how it works in the USA BUT it is worth looking into.

Don't let being blind in one eye stop you doing anything - why - because I too am blind in one eye have been since I was 13, this Friday I will find out if the eye is to be removed - I have NEVER let it hold me back, and I drive a car...(hate reversing though!)

Regarding your Stepdad.......from what I have gleaned from your posts he is an animal lover, consequently work on your relationship with him focusing on you both being animal lovers, if he is worried about you having animals outside for fear of losing them, explain it is a fact of life as a chicken keeper, but that fact should not stop you. How about designing a coop outside that the two of you can build together, thus making it as "critter" proof as possible. If your S.Dad is good at making things remark on his ability and tell him that you would love to make something with him. Relationships are difficult, but they do have to be worked at, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

If there is not enough money to buy the materials etc for a coop or tractor, try and get a small part time job to pay for them.

Talk to your parents but talk sensibly and without anger. If you find you can't put it into words verbally with them, then write them a letter from the heart, and leave it in their bedroom whereby they can read your letter in private at night without disturbance, this gives them time to discuss it together and then to sleep on it. Sit down and write yourself a list of achievements that you would really like to do...it does not matter what they are to anybody else, what is important is what they mean to you...they can then become your "life goals" work towards them, never ever give up - thats the easy way out.

Here is my advice to you, if that is your face on your avatar, then you ae a very very beautiful young woman, you have a lot going for you, don't let insecurity within yourself stop you living life to the full. Grab life with both hands, we are not on this planet for very long, your youth slips away before you realise it, and then in old age you will sit thinking "Oh I wish I had DONE this or that"

Wisom comes only with age, and if we all had the wisdom we had now (older members only), I am sure there are many of us who could shout "I wish I had DONE that"

So come on have your brushed yourself down yet? If not go and have a cup of tea...relax...but remember we are all here for you should you need us - anytime - xxxxxxxxxxxx
"Energy and persistance conquer all things"

 

[Mahonri]

Little Yellow One:

You brought up the subject.

So here is my $.02 worth....

It's nice that you have a chicken, but chickens belong outside and they deserve to live happily with other chickens. Now, having said that...

I think folks on here want to see you succeed. They hope for the best for your future. They want you to be able to live to your fullest potential.

Many of them know that you can't possibly do that with your mom and stepdad for the rest of your life. They will get old... it's more likely that they will both pass away before you do. You will need a way to make a living on your own. The way you've described your situation, we don't see a rich man coming into your life any time soon. So I think what I'm trying to say is this: You are YOUNG... you have your entire life ahead of you. Get an education. Learn to work. Get out of the house and LIVE LIFE to its fullest!

It's all in your attitude sweetie, and you've got lots of faceless folks here on the Internet pulling for you.

 

[joebryant]

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Be constructive or post elsewhere.