(ex)-boyfriend problems, advice needed

[77horses]

haha, times have definitely changed a lot, that's for sure. But I guess I'm really thankful to have been raised to know what's right and what's wrong.

Update: my ex's birthday was yesterday. I thought I should at least acknowledge it, so I sent him a text simply saying "Happy birthday", he replied immediately and said "Thanks". And that was that. Sooo still nothing new with him yet.

Meanwhile, guy who asked me to the movies and I haven't really been talking anymore (he's a nice guy, but he's just not my type and I would rather just remain friends with him), but the other guy (the one who first started talking to me and invited me to a bonfire at his house) and I have still been talking. I know it's still a little too early to jump in to a relationship, and I don't plan to for a little while longer (which I will make sure to explain to him, if it's brought up at some point), but I can't deny that I'm starting to develop feelings for him.

He seems really nice and it's obvious that he's interested in me. Right now I'm just getting to know him more and we're just friends, and that's where I want to keep it until I get everything sorted out, but the more I get to know him, the more and more I feel like I'm getting over my ex. It seems a lot easier than I thought it would be, which I don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. I'm still working on me and everything, and I won't start another official relationship until I'm sure I'm ready to again. But I literally remember thinking after my ex and I broke up, I probably won't date for a whole year because it'll take forever to get over him. Maybe it was because I was so upset at the time? Why am I finding it so easy to forget about him now? Is it just because now I have someone else to occupy my thoughts? Today I caught myself sitting in class, and I realized that I hadn't thought about my ex for most of the day. But I had thought about the new guy. And also today, instead of every once in a while, out of habit, checking my phone for a message from my ex, I found myself looking forward to a message from the new guy. It's really bizarre to me how that has happened. Granted, I still care about my ex. And just because I'm all the sudden moving on doesn't mean I never really cared about him...right? I guess the fact that for the last few weeks of our relationship, we didn't really talk that much or get to see each other, made it a little easier when we broke up. We had already been drifting prior to the breakup, so it wasn't as painful I guess. I just find it so weird how quickly feelings can change.

So yeah, anyways, I guess my plan right now is just go along with getting to know this new guy (but no sudden decisions, like jumping into a new relationship with him) and wait to see if I hear from my ex. But if my ex were to come back by now, I would honestly have to rethink everything before jumping back in. This time apart has given me time to think and realize what I've been missing and that maybe we are better off apart. But I really don't think I'll hear from my ex anyways, and that's the only reason I'm getting to know this new guy. I don't want to lead him on and then go running back to my ex the first chance I get. That just wouldn't be fair. But in the case that my ex does come back and we happen to work things out, that's another reason why I'm only staying friends for now with the new guy. Better safe than sorry.

 

[chickened]

I think what you are experiencing is called "replacement therapy"

 

[jamesbwood]

I think what you are experiencing is called "replacement therapy"

That and simply just being 17.

 

[77horses]

Haha, I guess so.

I dunno if it's a bad thing or a good thing in the long run...But for now, I'm gonna take it as a good thing because I feel a lot less upset about my ex and everything.
Also, I finally got a chance to talk to the new guy today, which I have to admit I was happy about. Since we have different schedules and never see each other, we agree to meet at his locker in between classes. We talked in person for the first time for a little bit; it was kind of awkward at first, because I found out that he's extremely shy (probably more shy than I am...and he seemed nervous to talk to me haha), but he seems really sweet and friendly.
So yeah, that's all for today. Still nothing from my ex.

 

[EweSheep]

Don't worry about your ex..he moved on. So are you! Go and enjoy your time with this new friend!

 

[77horses]

Don't worry about your ex..he moved on. So are you! Go and enjoy your time with this new friend!

I'm trying.

Honestly though, it feels good to meet someone new. Plus, it's a whole new experience because my ex was my first boyfriend, and he went to a different school, so I never got to experience having a guy who goes to the same school. I must admit I've been envious of those couples at my school who get to see each other and walk around in the halls holding hands. I've secretly always wanted something like that, at least once haha. So if something more comes out of getting to know this new guy further down the road, it'll be a whole new experience. I'm actually looking forward to it, if it happens, and it's fun having a guy that you like go to the same school...I still miss my ex and everything we had together, but I also haven't felt these giddy, nervous feelings in a while that I've been feeling whenever I'm around the new guy. It's exciting, and I'm just enjoying every bit of it and getting to know him and thinking about this summer (compared to just a couple weeks ago, when I was miserable and not looking forward to this summer since my ex and I broke up...weird how quickly things can change.) I guess I'll just have to wait and see what God makes out of all this.

 

[77horses]

Update: still nothing from the ex...But there's a possibility that I'll see him at church tomorrow. I don't plan on paying any attention to him.

As for the new guy, we're still talking. He told me today that he's starting to like me, and I said that I'm starting to like him too. But there's a problem, and I know you guys will probably be completely against this...but he also told me that he smokes weed sometimes. Which is something I kinda suspected and feared. I told him that I'm completely against it (which I am), I've never smoked and I never will, and I try to not get involved with people who do. He said he's not an addict, and he doesn't do it a lot. And he said he would never pressure me into doing it if I didn't want to. And he said that I don't have to be around him if I don't want to, but he was hoping we could be in a relationship further down the road. I told him I still want to be around him, it's just the drugs that I don't want to be around. So basically we agreed that if we're gonna continue to talk and see where things go, I'm fine with his habits as long as he doesn't do it around me or talk me into doing it (although I still don't think it's a good thing for him, or anyone, to be doing).
I still like him and I still want to get to know him, and I think that I could be a good influence on him. Maybe even influence him to quit. But before you guys say that he'll have a bad influence on me, you should know that there is no way he can talk me into doing something like smoking. And I wouldn't stick around if he did pressure me (which he said he's not going to do anyways). I know what's right and wrong and I'm not easily pressured into something that I'm against, even if it's for the sake of "fitting in" or "pleasing someone". Those are both stupid excuses that I won't use, but I know that some people do use them and get pressured into things. I'm just saying that I'm not one of those people, haha. So yeah, I think that as long as he respects my choices and how I feel about his habits, it should be fine. And like I said, since he doesn't do it very often, if we do end up together further down the road, maybe I'll convince him to quit and it'll help him in the end. I also plan on inviting him to my church at some point (if we do get involved, anyways).

So what do you guys think?



eta: I apologize in advance if this thread has changed from a "help-me-get-my-ex-back" thread into a "there's-this-new-guy-I-met" thread.

 

[RHRanch]

Okay, first of all, I need to tell you that the reasons people start smoking and doing drugs are often waaay more complicated that just wanting to fit in, etc. Second off, all people who are addicted always claim they are not addicted. If you want to do the best thing for him (and you), tell him that you really care about his well being and that for that reason you cannot date, or be anything more than a casual friend because of his drug use. This means basically not socializing with him. You may think that you can convince or support him into seeing the errors of his ways, but trust me, you cannot. You can only tell him that when he is sober and stays that way, only then can you consider dating him. One or two months sober without drug tests don't count, either.

Also, do you not already see what a drag this is? You don't need someone with issues and baggage - unfortunately, most teen girls do not stay away from drama and baggage.

 

[MamaRoo]

Okay, first of all, I need to tell you that the reasons people start smoking and doing drugs are often waaay more complicated that just wanting to fit in, etc. Second off, all people who are addicted always claim they are not addicted. If you want to do the best thing for him (and you), tell him that you really care about his well being and that for that reason you cannot date, or be anything more than a casual friend because of his drug use. This means basically not socializing with him. You may think that you can convince or support him into seeing the errors of his ways, but trust me, you cannot. You can only tell him that when he is sober and stays that way, only then can you consider dating him. One or two months sober without drug tests don't count, either.

Also, do you not already see what a drag this is? You don't need someone with issues and baggage - unfortunately, most teen girls do not stay away from drama and baggage.

um, yeah. And planning on changing someone is never a good plan. Nor is dating someone who smokes weed.

Just keep it casual with him and appreciate his friendship, but accept that it will (in all likelihood) never go any further.

 

[77horses]

ugh, I hate that you guys are probably right.