(ex)-boyfriend problems, advice needed

[77horses]

Just because a guy asked her to hang out does not mean his intentions are evil. Wow give the girl some credit here. She is looking for some company, friendship, something to take her mind off the ex. Just because she goes does not mean she is loose. she never once implied giving away the milk fo free.

with that said..... 77 I say if you feel safe in going then go and have a good time. Mingle with others and don't make your main fouces on the guy that invited you. If at any time you feel uncomfortable leave of call your parents to come get you.

I agree with both of you. chickened, you're completely right; that could be the case. But not all guys are like that. Sure, some guys might just want friends with benefits when they ask to hangout. But that's not always the case. It could be for this guy who asked me to hangout, but I won't know until I see for myself. If it happens to be the case, trust me I will know if it is and I won't stay in that situation. Believe me when I say that I do not intend to get romantically involved with the first guy who asks me to hangout. If a guy asks me to hangout, then I don't see the harm in doing so. My idea of "hanging out with a guy and some friends" doesn't have to include "friends with benefits". Maybe your idea of that is different. But I get what you're trying to say.
hispoptart- thanks, it's good to get a different opinion on that. I almost completely and drastically decided against going and meeting new people (including guys) just from chickened's comment, but I'm glad to see that someone has a different perspective on it. I will make sure to be careful and act accordingly if I'm uncomfortable with anything.

 

[chickened]

77horses, meeting guys is fine and all, I was more concerned for you about the place. Guys are more bold in thier own pad than say a mall. Appearance is a lot these days and you do not want the appearance or image of an easy girl. Ask yourself what others think of the girls that hang out where you want to and then decide if that is for you.

I don't think I suggested not meeting guys... maybe I should re-read my posts.

 

[77horses]

77horses, meeting guys is fine and all, I was more concerned for you about the place. Guys are more bold in thier own pad than say a mall. Appearance is a lot these days and you do not want the appearance or image of an easy girl. Ask yourself what others think of the girls that hang out where you want to and then decide if that is for you.

I don't think I suggested not meeting guys... maybe I should re-read my posts.

Yeah I completely get what you're saying there. I definitely don't want to be seen as an "easy" girl, and I won't be if I can help it. I think that going over to a guy's house with a bunch of friends to hangout around a bonfire is perfectly fine, as long as there are no drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. If there is, I won't be staying there very long or, even better, I won't go at all.
I don't think you directly suggested not to meet guys. But you kind of suggested that in general, when a guy asks it hangout, it usually means friends with benefits. And since I don't want to be friends with benefits with anyone, what I got out of that is that I should avoid hanging out with/meeting guys. That's not what you directly suggested, that's just what your post may have conveyed and what I happened to take away from reading it. It's all good.

 

[chickened]

I re-read my post and ya, I can see it may have meant that, sorry.

My teen years were in the early 80's and what you decribed was exactly a place for sex, drugs and alcohol usually unless it was sponsored by a youth group or some parent... things may be different now. Remember I am a parent and parents sometimes see things differently and yes they do remember things about their youth which may be why I am warning you. I also see this stuff happening in my own family mainly with my brother and his 3 girls which by the way have all done something similar to what you are experiencing. Young people have it pretty tough in today's world.

Yeah I completely get what you're saying there. I definitely don't want to be seen as an "easy" girl, and I won't be if I can help it. I think that going over to a guy's house with a bunch of friends to hangout around a bonfire is perfectly fine, as long as there are no drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. If there is, I won't be staying there very long or, even better, I won't go at all.
I don't think you directly suggested not to meet guys. But you kind of suggested that in general, when a guy asks it hangout, it usually means friends with benefits. And since I don't want to be friends with benefits with anyone, what I got out of that is that I should avoid hanging out with/meeting guys. That's not what you directly suggested, that's just what your post may have conveyed and what I happened to take away from reading it. It's all good.

 

[newfoundland]

My experiences are thousands of miles from yours in every respect, however, my children have been what you are going through and it isn't easy. Many will say that you are very young which is true, but it doesn't hurt any the less to have the break up of a relationship. I think you sound like an extremely sensible young lady, with a lot of insight into your character, which is rare even in much older people.

I am not familiar with the phrase, 'hang out', but a bonfire party sounds a lot of fun, and fun is just what you need now. I don't understand why attending a party would make some boys think you were easy? I think that is a very strange attitude. If they are over familiar with you because they have heard about your break up, then they are worse kind of self-centred opportunists, and you should have nothing to do with them!

I say go and enjoy the party, I'm sure it will be a lot of fun!!

 

[dainerra]

chickened, I think it depends more on the people involved. Growing up, the only place that you COULD hang out was at a party like she described. Sometimes on the river, sometimes at someone's house, sometimes out in the TNT area. You knew by who was throwing the party whether it would just be a party or whether it would be a PARTY. Sure, there were always some people who would sneak off to hook up with their partner, but that happens anywhere/anytime.

 

[chickened]

chickened, I think it depends more on the people involved. Growing up, the only place that you COULD hang out was at a party like she described. Sometimes on the river, sometimes at someone's house, sometimes out in the TNT area. You knew by who was throwing the party whether it would just be a party or whether it would be a PARTY. Sure, there were always some people who would sneak off to hook up with their partner, but that happens anywhere/anytime.

I think times are a little different also, for example when I graduated from high school our school was famous for what was called a "senior keg" which was basically a big party in the woods with all the goodies. Now the sheriff would show up tell everyone that they were to not drive and then leave and not one kid there was of legal drinking age. The school knew about it, the cops knew about it and even some parents knew yet it continued up until about 15 years ago. Now days here in Oregon you cannot even smoke a cigarette at a school function. Times have changed.

It does sound like the OP has a level head on her shoulders and she should be proud of that but on the other hand I have seen young girls do some dumb things for a boy especially when they think he likes them.

You are right though good girls figure out where it is a good place to hang out and were it is not and some need to experience it also. Cannot remember her name but there was a young woman who went to Mike Tyson's hotel room at 2:00 AM and she figured she was just going to chat with him. Things went differently.

 

[dainerra]

chickened, yup I remember those days. Here in rural AR, it still works that way a lot Everyone knows what goes on but as long as you don't give the cops a reason to show up then you're not going to get into trouble.

 

[redhen]

Ed...yep..I remember those days too.
Heck the cops would sometimes bust us and break up the parties just to steal our beer..lol
Ahh..the good old days..

 

[chickened]

That's right, some cops said pour it out and others said give it here... and in their trunk it went.