OMG she is BEAUTIFUL!!! I am so glad you are home and feeling better! Congrats!!!!
Expectant parent club! Where the pregnant people hang out.
- Thread starter Livinzoo
- Start date
Quote:
Thank you!!! And yes--LOL she's pretty furry!
My co-workers granddaughter has a streak of hair down her back. It connects to her head hair. Is your baby like that? She is sooo cute!!!!
Oh yeah....she's furry everywhere! LOL
Thank you!!! And yes--LOL she's pretty furry!
My co-workers granddaughter has a streak of hair down her back. It connects to her head hair. Is your baby like that? She is sooo cute!!!!
Oh yeah....she's furry everywhere! LOL
Gorgeous baby! Congrats!
Ok ladies....I could use some advice, or maybe constructive criticisim. I dont normally post any personal stuff, but I am feeling hurt and not sure how I should be reacting.
Heres the 'brief' version..
My hubby and I are self-employed, so we make alot of sacrifices of family time for the business. Most of the time (99%) it is him gone at meetings or traveling, etc. I am SOOOO ok with that. If he doesnt work, we dont eat. I totally appreciate that fact.
In our line of work, there are various trade shows that occur during the year, always in far away places, like Vegas (true, its only an hour and a half by plane though, travel time, plus the hour to drive home from the airport), but many are in other states requiring 5 to 7 hours of flight time. Some of these shows are very important, others not so much, but he goes to them all.
I do my very best to support him and to make sure everything is taken care of while he is gone. No easy task with 5 kids and animals. Normally, its not that bad and I handle it fine as most trips are only 3 to 6 days.
Right now though, its getting really tough. I am due in about 6 weeks and the DR told us that I need to slow WAY down or I will deliver prematurely (scary!) I wont go into why or all the details right now about that though. The 3 of the kids start school tomorrow and they all go to different schools, but I did get 2 of them on the bus schedule. But they still have to be driven to the stop.
I have done 100% of all the work to prepare them for school, and 100% of all the work to prep the house for the new baby. Hubby either just wont do it, claims he doesnt know how, or is always busy at work. (i do understand the work thing). I would be remiss if I didint mention that he doesnt got to work every day as he can do alot of stuff here at the house, and gets alot of time free. I let him go out and hang with buddies, go out of town to relax and get away from work and family pressures, occasionally. I figure we all need time off, right? I try to always see things from his perspective and try to keep him happy so he can be productive.
Dont get me wrong though, I can be short tempered sometimes and get demanding. I run my home a certain way and I get really annoyed when he ignores my requests to do things a certain way and I let him know it. I practically run a small army here and need order, but often he just does whatever he wants. So annoying.
Anyhow.... Here is where my feelings are hurt. There is a show coming up in Las Vagas. It is running Sept 15th to the 17th (maybe one more day, not sure). I am DUE to have a baby Sept 28th or 29th. I have NEVER gone more than a few days past my due date since my first baby. AND my DR thinks I may have the baby sooner rather than later. Hubby is well aware of these facts. Not to mention, all my labors have been 9 hours or less, so I dont think I will be very long this time.
The show is NOT one of those shows he absolutely MUST attend. Its more of a 'he just wants to go' kinda thing. Im not saying it would be a waste of time, and if I wasnt pregnant and so close to delivery, I would send him on his way. In fact, he's gone to severale shows already during this pregnancy, and I havent really minded.
HE thinks I am trying to 'block' him from working. HE says if I feel fine the week before he goes, he should be able to go, no questions asked. HE REALLY thinks I can predict labor! I tried to tell him I can be fine in the morning and delivering that night, but he said- Yeah right, you would know by now if you were going into labor the day you go into it.
What hurts my feelings is that he would even CONSIDER going to this show a mere 10 to 14 days before my due date. Its like he doesnt get that I need him. I cant even freaking fit behind a steering wheel at that time in my preganancy- how the heck am I supposed to get my kids to school??? His answer is to just call friends to help. Oh yeah, ALLLL my buddies want to come over at 6:45 AM and tote my kids to school for a few days. HIS answer to if I go into labor while he's gone? '"EH, just call so-and-so, they will drop you off at the hospital, and then watch the kids till I get home".
AAAAGGGGHHHHH!!! Am i wrong to be hurt? I cant believe ANY guy would wanna be gone when his wife is so close to delivery. Is there another way to respond, or to look at things?
What would you say or do?
THANKS for letting me rant!! Oh, and dont get me wrong- hubby is a great guy (flawed, but pretty great still) so please dont judge him too harshly. I wish I had better communication skills so I could get through to him better. But he just says- ' I am just not one of theose sensitive guys. Sorry I am insensitive, but thats the way I am." I told him that was a BULLSH*T cop-out and unacceptable. I did tell him I was hurt. I told him guys dont normally even consider leaving a pregnant woman about to deliver home alone with 5 kids unless its a life or death, make it or break it, situation. He doesnt agree, he says he does what he thinks is right and I should try to stop him.
Im not trying to stop him, just telling him how hurt I am by his choices. What else can I say? He'll BLAME ME if he doesnt go and then I dont go into labor on those days! But the truth is he is unlikely to miss anything huge by not going to the show, but he has a WHAT IF attitude. I cant seem to get through to him. I just want understanding and compassion, not indifference. Maybe I have done too much and he thinks I can handle anything? IDK....
Heres the 'brief' version..
My hubby and I are self-employed, so we make alot of sacrifices of family time for the business. Most of the time (99%) it is him gone at meetings or traveling, etc. I am SOOOO ok with that. If he doesnt work, we dont eat. I totally appreciate that fact.
In our line of work, there are various trade shows that occur during the year, always in far away places, like Vegas (true, its only an hour and a half by plane though, travel time, plus the hour to drive home from the airport), but many are in other states requiring 5 to 7 hours of flight time. Some of these shows are very important, others not so much, but he goes to them all.
I do my very best to support him and to make sure everything is taken care of while he is gone. No easy task with 5 kids and animals. Normally, its not that bad and I handle it fine as most trips are only 3 to 6 days.
Right now though, its getting really tough. I am due in about 6 weeks and the DR told us that I need to slow WAY down or I will deliver prematurely (scary!) I wont go into why or all the details right now about that though. The 3 of the kids start school tomorrow and they all go to different schools, but I did get 2 of them on the bus schedule. But they still have to be driven to the stop.
I have done 100% of all the work to prepare them for school, and 100% of all the work to prep the house for the new baby. Hubby either just wont do it, claims he doesnt know how, or is always busy at work. (i do understand the work thing). I would be remiss if I didint mention that he doesnt got to work every day as he can do alot of stuff here at the house, and gets alot of time free. I let him go out and hang with buddies, go out of town to relax and get away from work and family pressures, occasionally. I figure we all need time off, right? I try to always see things from his perspective and try to keep him happy so he can be productive.
Dont get me wrong though, I can be short tempered sometimes and get demanding. I run my home a certain way and I get really annoyed when he ignores my requests to do things a certain way and I let him know it. I practically run a small army here and need order, but often he just does whatever he wants. So annoying.
Anyhow.... Here is where my feelings are hurt. There is a show coming up in Las Vagas. It is running Sept 15th to the 17th (maybe one more day, not sure). I am DUE to have a baby Sept 28th or 29th. I have NEVER gone more than a few days past my due date since my first baby. AND my DR thinks I may have the baby sooner rather than later. Hubby is well aware of these facts. Not to mention, all my labors have been 9 hours or less, so I dont think I will be very long this time.
The show is NOT one of those shows he absolutely MUST attend. Its more of a 'he just wants to go' kinda thing. Im not saying it would be a waste of time, and if I wasnt pregnant and so close to delivery, I would send him on his way. In fact, he's gone to severale shows already during this pregnancy, and I havent really minded.
HE thinks I am trying to 'block' him from working. HE says if I feel fine the week before he goes, he should be able to go, no questions asked. HE REALLY thinks I can predict labor! I tried to tell him I can be fine in the morning and delivering that night, but he said- Yeah right, you would know by now if you were going into labor the day you go into it.
What hurts my feelings is that he would even CONSIDER going to this show a mere 10 to 14 days before my due date. Its like he doesnt get that I need him. I cant even freaking fit behind a steering wheel at that time in my preganancy- how the heck am I supposed to get my kids to school??? His answer is to just call friends to help. Oh yeah, ALLLL my buddies want to come over at 6:45 AM and tote my kids to school for a few days. HIS answer to if I go into labor while he's gone? '"EH, just call so-and-so, they will drop you off at the hospital, and then watch the kids till I get home".
AAAAGGGGHHHHH!!! Am i wrong to be hurt? I cant believe ANY guy would wanna be gone when his wife is so close to delivery. Is there another way to respond, or to look at things?
What would you say or do?
THANKS for letting me rant!! Oh, and dont get me wrong- hubby is a great guy (flawed, but pretty great still) so please dont judge him too harshly. I wish I had better communication skills so I could get through to him better. But he just says- ' I am just not one of theose sensitive guys. Sorry I am insensitive, but thats the way I am." I told him that was a BULLSH*T cop-out and unacceptable. I did tell him I was hurt. I told him guys dont normally even consider leaving a pregnant woman about to deliver home alone with 5 kids unless its a life or death, make it or break it, situation. He doesnt agree, he says he does what he thinks is right and I should try to stop him.
Im not trying to stop him, just telling him how hurt I am by his choices. What else can I say? He'll BLAME ME if he doesnt go and then I dont go into labor on those days! But the truth is he is unlikely to miss anything huge by not going to the show, but he has a WHAT IF attitude. I cant seem to get through to him. I just want understanding and compassion, not indifference. Maybe I have done too much and he thinks I can handle anything? IDK....
Quick picture---she loves her swing!
One of the downfalls to being such a strong and independent mother and wife - he's grown used to you not needing him at every moment of the day. And I understand how frustrating it is to try and convince him that at times, these more than others, you really do need him.. I would feel exactly the same though, and I'm so sorry that you're feeling like this so close to bringing your precious little baby into the world
Maybe once all the kids are tucked into bed tonight you could try and talk to him again, so there are no distractions to get away from the conversation. I think you said it perfectly in your post, however - how you are not at all trying to stop him from doing anything, you just don't want to be left alone with all of the kids, animals, and chores with the possibility of labor arriving earlier than the expected due date. And be sure to mention that your doctor said that if you didn't chill out with all of your day to day running that it could be much sooner than the baby needs to be here... maybe being something the doctor said will make him stop to think about it a little.
And I completely agree with you, the "I'm not a sensitive guy" bit, is a joke. DH used to be on that boat, but quickly got broken of it. It was either he figured it out, perfected his ability to pretend to be or I was going to give him a glimpse of how "insensitive" I could be
But I'm one of those 'to the point' types - and will admit I can be a little less delicate than others at times.
I wish you the best with such an aggervating situation because I think you are totally in the right to feel hurt
..I'd have to let those prego hormones fly - you don't mess with mama!
And I completely agree with you, the "I'm not a sensitive guy" bit, is a joke. DH used to be on that boat, but quickly got broken of it. It was either he figured it out, perfected his ability to pretend to be or I was going to give him a glimpse of how "insensitive" I could be
I wish you the best with such an aggervating situation because I think you are totally in the right to feel hurt
Quote:
She is too precious
I can't get over her! ..and all that hair!
She is too precious
Quote:
Thanks MrsK!
I would try to talk to him, but Im just afraid his response will be the same. In the end of our last talk, he just literally threw his arms up in the air and said, "FINE, I wont go, will that make you happy?" Its like, uh, duh... its NOT about making me HAPPY, its about the fact that you would even consider leaving me and all of us at such a time!
He KNOWS all the issues (not being able to drive the kids, being in danger of premature labor, needing to slow down, and just being plain miserable at that stage of pregnancy). This is his 7TH CHILD for goodness sakes! He should know the drill, right?
I dont want to keep fighting with him over it. I dont want him to resent ME for needing him here, but I really would like him to WANT to stay home. At this point I dont even know if he is going to go or not. And did I mention he's going out of town for 2 or 3 days next week? He doesnt get that those times when he is away, I have to work 3 times as hard to do it all with no help, so I get super exhausted and cant catch up on my rest.
Right now I am genuinely afraid I am going to go into labor exhausted and not be able to handle it well. I think I am getting pre-labor anixety!
Thanks MrsK!
I would try to talk to him, but Im just afraid his response will be the same. In the end of our last talk, he just literally threw his arms up in the air and said, "FINE, I wont go, will that make you happy?" Its like, uh, duh... its NOT about making me HAPPY, its about the fact that you would even consider leaving me and all of us at such a time!
He KNOWS all the issues (not being able to drive the kids, being in danger of premature labor, needing to slow down, and just being plain miserable at that stage of pregnancy). This is his 7TH CHILD for goodness sakes! He should know the drill, right?
I dont want to keep fighting with him over it. I dont want him to resent ME for needing him here, but I really would like him to WANT to stay home. At this point I dont even know if he is going to go or not. And did I mention he's going out of town for 2 or 3 days next week? He doesnt get that those times when he is away, I have to work 3 times as hard to do it all with no help, so I get super exhausted and cant catch up on my rest.
Right now I am genuinely afraid I am going to go into labor exhausted and not be able to handle it well. I think I am getting pre-labor anixety!
Suzettex - I'm sorry you're going through this with your DH now. As MrsK said, I'm sure that he's grown accustomed to you being self sufficient and strong and not needing him. I would be furious if I were you, and I really don't think that he's looking at the whole situation clearly.
Do you have a friend who could talk to him and possibly talk some sense into him? Sometimes it only takes another perspective to be able to see things clearly. Maybe his parents could?
Or might he come to his senses on his own? If my DH does something unreasonable like that, I'll tell him my side of it then not mention it again for a few days and he usually will come up to me on his own and apologize and do the right thing. He might be pretty unusual in that regard though...
Good luck with everything!
Do you have a friend who could talk to him and possibly talk some sense into him? Sometimes it only takes another perspective to be able to see things clearly. Maybe his parents could?
Or might he come to his senses on his own? If my DH does something unreasonable like that, I'll tell him my side of it then not mention it again for a few days and he usually will come up to me on his own and apologize and do the right thing. He might be pretty unusual in that regard though...
Good luck with everything!
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