Family Matters...

[texasgal]

Contact Troy Dunn

http://www.troythelocator.com/Main.asp

Good, bad, or ugly .. he handles situations with class..

One of his sayings is "You can't have peace, until you have all the pieces"

Good luck with your search ..

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Quote:
I agree, but it is not the right of someone else to take the adoptee's rights and choices.

 

[Dar]

Quote:
I agree, but it is not the right of someone else to take the adoptee's rights and choices.

What if the adoptee does want to be found tho?... and has very little info on the bio parents?

We successfully searched for DH's bio family 10 years ago... there are ways that you can search without disrupting that very delicate balance. In our case we were lucky. The entire family knew about my husband and as soon as all the hard work started we got a phone call and the connection was made. The bio family was not looking for DH at all when we made contact... in fact they thought DH was a girl and thought I was "the child put up for adoption" Until bio-mom cleared it up that she indeed had another boy.

(DH was the 3rd boy born to his bio-mom and the only one given up for adoption)

 

[texasgal]

Quote:
I agree, but it is not the right of someone else to take the adoptee's rights and choices.

Me thinketh thou protesteth too much ...

 

[Countrywife]

You know, if I count right, you are 19 years old. Let me be an old lady for a minute- this is none of your business, none of your concern and you are getting into things you have no right to get into. The family knows, don't kid yourself. And they choose not to discuss it. It has been dealt with. The adoptee is 42 years old? That makes her slightly younger than me. If she wanted to find you, she would. She is a grown up, and has her life. Stay out of it until you are invited in. If this were your child I would say go for it, but this is not your child, and not your business. Make your own life and stay out of your fathers.

 

[thechickenchick]

Quote:
Amen!

Thanks for saying what I couldn't seem to put into words.

 

[texasgal]

Wow!

This is her sister, and she has a right to search for her.

I agree that she doesn't need to make an announcement to the whole family, but she is an adult and if she wants to search for her sister, that's HER business.

What if the sister has wondered for 42 years about her bio family, and if she has siblings, etc. It's a delicate thing, for sure, but really none of OUR business (apart from the fact that she posted it on an open forum).

To the OP: Feel free to PM me. I do internet searches as kind of a hobby and could help steer you in some directions.

 

[dichotomymom]

The last thing I will say is that adoption affects many people besides the bio parents, the child and the adoptive parents. A lot of care should be taken when relinquishing a child, adopting one and making the decision to contact. It's not as cut and dry as the child having a home when she wouldn't have otherwise.

 

[crzychickenlady]

Quote:
I strongly disagree. To discover at the age of 42 that your whole life-history was a charade could easily be devastating to the most strong, mature person. IFF she knows she is adopted, then of course not, but if she does not, it will destroy precious memories of her real parents--the ones who adopted her--and it may well rend their relationship. I am not saying that a search should not be done, but rather that iff she is found, that then an important decision needs to be carefully considered, and that the OP's emotions are NOT the most important issue.

Well, her whole life wouldn't have been a charade. The people who adopted her loved her as their own and all of those memories aren't just a charade. I see your point, but at the age of 42, I would hope that she wouldn't see her life that way and would be pleased to know she has even more family out there.
Everyone is different and I do agree that this should be handled delicately.

 

[redhen]

Sorry, but it IS her business. She has a sister somewhere..
i would love to have a sister...
well..i had a sister, but she died when she was a baby, before i was born.
I would have loved to have had a sister. It IS her business..

We also have a weird situation here..
my older brother is really my half-brother...he has a different father then i do.
This creep left my mother when she was pregnant with my brother and moved back to his family in another state. where he refused to help my mother and acknowledge my brother.
So, my mother raised him by herself..until she met my father..and then my father raised my brother as his own..
well....my mother always sent pictures of my brother as he was growing up to his bio dads mother..(that would be my brothers bio grandmother) because she asked my mother to do that for her.
You see, her son (the creep) is married and has a family of his own now..and NONE of that family know about my brother. (not even his wife) I SO badly want to burst this guys bubble someday and let his wife and kids know that thay have another sibling in the world someplace....(and i just may do it too!)and there would be no denying it either, my brother looks JUST like this man..
My brother wants to see his siblings...but hes afraid to get shunned by his father.
Ooh, how i'd love to have a little talk with that creep...
see, now ya'll got me all riled up....