Fattie's big fat RANT

[chickenzoo]

That was very hurtful and uncalled for. If he loves you like he says he does it should not matter. My weight has gone up and down in our 18 year marriage.... He has never called me fat.... He knows I work harder than a man, eat like a bird and still have weight issues due to underlying health issues etc. he supports me and calls me beautiful everyday. He can lose weight in his sleep.... Really, I'd love his metabolism ......but I am what I am and he loves me . That is how it should be. If you love yourself, then it shouldn't matter what size you are. Once a family friend embarrassed me at a party by saying something about my pic. I started crying........ Hubby blew a gasket and told them what a jerk they were being and told them we were leaving. Your husband should stick up for you... Not be the one to belittle you.

 

[epeloquin]

If you find hairlessness so attractive then Shave your own legs and under arms!!!! Pluck those eye brows while your at it. and shave that gross beard.

It's what's on the inside buddy.

The comment about my sister-in-law is because MY WIFE thinks what she does is disgusting and she is determined that she will not allow herself to be like that.

Also, I am accused of being "sexist" and you take umbrage at what I said about my SiL yet you completely ignore everything else I said.

 

[ChicksterJo]

Actually, you did not specify who it was that thought hairlessness was attractive, so guinea fowl galore had some basis to think that it was you.

As for pleasing and meeting each other's "needs," it may be that someone has a medical or mental condition that does not allow them to lose weight easily or if they lose weight, they can readily gain it all back. Each person is an individual and so is their physical body. If your wife can stay slim and fit easily, that doesn't mean that other people can, too. I have to work VERY hard to keep weight off because I am 5'0", my dad's side is full of big boned women and I apparently inherited that, and as you get older it gets harder to lose weight. Even when I exercise hard for an 1 hour everyday and eat nothing but fruits, nuts, veggies and a little protein, I will stay the same weight.

He's her husband. He should be supportive and not publicly humiliate her to "encourage" her to lose weight. Sorry, but I got that plenty of times from family members growing up and it did not help at all. It led to an eating disorder, the consequences of which I am still fighting today. So don't make excuses for him because men are supposedly visual creatures. I am too. If my fiance didn't shave his face I would not belittle him for it. I would ask him NICELY.

 

[Carols Clucks]

epeloquin this was a rant by a person who was hurt by the words her husband who should love and treasure her and instead felt the need to bully and hurt her.

The best thing you can do at this point is NOT throw salt on her wounds. If you want to start a thread on what you as a minister think is a woman's role in the home, you should do that.

But allow her to feel hurt, because she has the right to.

 

[CluckyJay]

Seems so odd. I look at pictures of Marylin Monroe and all those gorgeous pinups and housewives of yesteryear. Um, they are "fat" by todays standards. I have seen your pictures and you're not fat. Now I see these methed-out tramps running around and that is supposed to be what women strive for? Even when I was a teeny-tiny thing, I always looked at those curvy women and was just in awe at their beauty.

My husband would call me fat one time and then regret it for the rest of his life. I have raised his child, loved his child from another marriage, listened to him on countless life things. I have supported his hobbies and loved him fully with no strings. Love should never, never be about what a person looks like physically. Never. If it ever is, then it is not really love. Its lust.

To say such hurtful things about anyone, but especially your spouse, it is a terrible black mark on his own humanity. I do suggest marriage counseling.

Hugs.

 

[CluckyJay]

Or, you can go on a diet. Yeah, the bean diet. Eat nothing but the gassiest beans you can find. Then trap his head beneath the covers and release your womanly woes!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't forget to toss some mustard and collards in there as a side dish.

 

[epeloquin]

epeloquin this was a rant by a person who was hurt by the words her husband who should love and treasure her and instead felt the need to bully and hurt her.

The best thing you can do at this point is NOT throw salt on her wounds. If you want to start a thread on what you as a minister think is a woman's role in the home, you should do that.

But allow her to feel hurt, because she has the right to.

I made VERY, VERY clear that what he said to her and the manner in which he said it was WRONG. I don't know how in the world you could possibly think I rubbed salt in her wounds. You know, it's funny, "fattie" (I told her she shouldn't call herself that) has yet to register any offense at what I've said. I have sought to encourage her in a way that might bring a peaceful resolution to this. I think my advice is a far sight better than all those who have closed ranks and basically told her that if he says such things she should divorce him.

I am slightly interested in knowing what I said that you take as rubbing salt in her wounds.

 

[newfoundland]

This behaviour is not only very hurtful and unkind, it is extremely immature. We all had that friend at school didn't we, who was as nice as pie when we were alone, but the minute a third party showed up, they ganged up to humiliate us. Tell your husband that you have left the school playground behind, even if he hasn't. It is very hard to be loyal and loving to someone who shows so little respect for your feelings. As for being fat, many of us are in that boat! Be proud Girl!!!

 

[epeloquin]

Actually, you did not specify who it was that thought hairlessness was attractive, so guinea fowl galore had some basis to think that it was you.
As for pleasing and meeting each other's "needs," it may be that someone has a medical or mental condition that does not allow them to lose weight easily or if they lose weight, they can readily gain it all back. Each person is an individual and so is their physical body. If your wife can stay slim and fit easily, that doesn't mean that other people can, too. I have to work VERY hard to keep weight off because I am 5'0", my dad's side is full of big boned women and I apparently inherited that, and as you get older it gets harder to lose weight. Even when I exercise hard for an 1 hour everyday and eat nothing but fruits, nuts, veggies and a little protein, I will stay the same weight.
He's her husband. He should be supportive and not publicly humiliate her to "encourage" her to lose weight. Sorry, but I got that plenty of times from family members growing up and it did not help at all. It led to an eating disorder, the consequences of which I am still fighting today. So don't make excuses for him because men are supposedly visual creatures. I am too. If my fiance didn't shave his face I would not belittle him for it. I would ask him NICELY.

I began by saying that this man was "dead wrong" for doing what he did to his wife...period. I went on to say...

"My wife was a slim hottie when we were dating and first got married. she gained a lot during our first pregnancy, got pregnant when #1 was 9mos. Then lost the weight after #2, excercised all the way through #3. In 2000 was diagnosed with cancer (lady type) which she beat (by God's grace). The radiation destroyed her ovaries and sent her into menopause at 32. Ever since (she is 43 in March) she has battled her weight, even though she excercises at the gym 5-6 days per week, because of hormonal imbalances that have not responded to treatments. I still find her desirable and sexy and attractive even though she doesn't feel that way. We've been married for 20+ years and I have NEVER complained about her weight. She tries, and always has."

I went on to make the point that both husbands and wives should focus more on caring for each other and meeting each other's needs.

I NEVER made excuses for him.

 

[Carols Clucks]

It is called For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men by Shaunti Feldhahn. This book is excellent and I think it will help you and your hubby immensely. There is also a companion book entitled For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women by the same author with her hubby. They are brief but excellent books and will help you immensley. I hope you'll give them a shot before some of the bad advice in this thread.

Suggesting that she needs to read a book so she can understand her husband is what is the salt in her wounds.

Her husband needs the counseling.

Since you have so much experience in counseling, maybe you should have noted that part of her weight issues might relate to how she is feeling in her relationship with her husband. Food is often better comfort than a man who does not understand how to respect and cherish his wife.