friendship advice...help needed....

[Judy]

Quote:
This has been my position all my life. The largest amount I ever "loaned," which was really not that much, I did not get back because she was killed in a car wreck shortly after the loan.

I would certainly not loan rent money to someone who had just spent money on a tattoo, in any case. That's not loaning, that's enabling.

 

[newchickenfamily]

Quote:
This is SO true. Property Management employee here too... DON'T loan her the money.

 

[danielle82]

I didn't bother to read the other posters here, but am sure that most say do NOT loan the money. And I agree that would be the wise choice. It is wise to not loan money to friends, but you didn't ask what the smartest course of action is, you asked what would you do...
So what I would do is loan her the money. If I've been friends with some one a long time, and I've never loaned them money in the past (I.E. no bad blood over money) I'd loan the money if I had it in savings, if they really needed it. Paying Rent is important, you don't pay, eventually your gonna get kicked out. Again, it isn't a wise choice, but probably what I'd do. I'd also ask myself, does she pay people back? Has she been known in the past to borrow moeny and never repay it?

 

[wombat]

I suppose it depends on just how badly you think she is pressed for rent. If she's buying tatoos, it doesn't sound like she's so pressed that she can't go pawn something.

I'd sympathize, and tell her you're a bit short on cash yourself. Why, just last week you'd had to put money down to reserve that vacation flight/room/whatever ... too late to get that back now ... You're gonna be a bit strapped for a couple months

Is this really a friend in dire need, or someone who's foolish with their money but who could come up with it if she really tried?

I worked my way through college, and I always made sure I had my rent covered first. Any time I got extra hours or found an extra short term job, the first thing I always did was stock up on canned food, rice, and other staples that would last.

I always seemed to have a housemate who was short of cash for rent, and "borrowed" my food, shampoo, soap, whatever wasn't nailed down, but had money for smokes and beer.

One of my spoiled housemates got his "allowance" cut off when he got suspended for a semester for his grades. He lasted a few months sitting around doing nothing, but he eventually ran out of cash and people to borrow from. Getting a job as a dishwaher was probably the best education he got in his academic career. Did him a world of good.

If your friend and her spouse are both working, and there's been no huge car repair bill or medical bill that just hit, she's probably got the means to find a month's rent. Maybe pawning something would be a good lesson in planning ahead and putting off the next tatoo.

True compassion if she really needs it is a good thing, but enabling foolishness isn't helping her out.

 

[cassie]

Tell her your are sorry but you can't help her. If you loan her the money this time she will ask again and again.

 

[English Chick]

Ok I have read everyones posts... good advice in the main..... one thing I would say is........... if you where in the same position would she help you?

If you come up with No... then don't lend the money....

If you come up wth Yes .... and you know that she would be kicked out of her home, offer to pay the money direct to her landlord thus ensuring the rent is paid.... and you will also know if she is telling the truth.....

If you do decide to pay her rent..... she MUST before you part with your hard earned cash, understand that it has to be given back at say $125 a month, there should be no hardship then on her purse strings... explain to her that it is YOUR vacation money that you are lending her and it absolutely must be paid back... it will put financial hardship on you and yours if she recinds on the deal...

Test her friendship as she is testing yours......

 

[Chicks & Turks]

Tell her, because I'm guessing she know you have the money:

My spare money is going towards my family. I am sorry for your situation but my family is my priority. Perhaps you could find some babysitting jobs on the side to catch up, or sell spare furniture? Also, we agreed that lending money ruins a friendship.

 

[Stumpy]

I know it's hard, but she is in this position because she acted foolishly. Don't contribute to her problem but helping her avoid dealing with the real problem, her behavior.

 

[Julie08]

If you can GIVE it give it if you can't then don't. Don't loan money with the expectation of getting it back.

 

[lauralou]

Let me tell you a little story.

Many years ago, a dear friend got into a hard spot. She needed money and I loaned it to her. It was a lot of money to me, $1500. But I had it in my personal savings account. I have always lived by the rule that you don't loan anything that you wouldn't just give. So that was my thought. I was just giving her the money because she truly needed it and if she paid me back, that would be great.

That was MY thought. But not my first husband's thought. He was furious when she didn't pay it back. Regardless of the fact that it had never been his money in the first place. We kept our finances separate.

He was forever throwing that money up in my face. I can't tell you how many times I heard about it. He spent that money in his mind at least twice a month. It was a nightmare!

Ten years later, the first husband is long gone, the dear friend is still my dear friend, and the money has never been repaid. I am totally okay with it. Glad that I was able to be there for her in her hour of need. But I just wanted to point out that this could cause a lot of disharmony in your family. It caused serious hard feelings in mine.

I guess my advice to you is this: Don't do it without discussing it with everyone else involved. Your husband, your kids, anyone else who may be planning the vacation with you. If you can't get complete agreement from everyone that it is worth the risk, then it is a bad gamble.