friendship advice...help needed....

[Sonoran Silkies]

You can offer to help her work out a budget; invite her family over for dinner once or twice, help her organize a garage sale, babysit while she works an extra job, ...

All of these should help her out financially without putting your family into a hole or straining the friendship.

 

[journey11]

DON'T DO IT...you'll end up with an ulcer. And don't feel guilty about it either.

You're a friend, not a bank. Asking for money is crossing the line. Too many other favors can be too.

It won't help her real problem, and she'll come back to you time and time again.

Now if someone's been hit with some recent hardships, that can be different (suddden job loss, death in family, etc), at your discretion.

My own mother is like this person. I don't lend her money either because of the resentment it will cause. She may cry and whine, but will respect you more for it in the end. She needs to get some respect for herself!

 

[Katy]

Quote:
I believe you've made a wise decision. If you lose her friendship over this, you would have certainly lost it over the money sooner or later.

 

[EweSheep]

Way to go!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now go and enjoy that appt with the travel agent!

 

[Rillion]

Don't actually do this because it's pretty heavy-handed, but I think it would be funny to give your friend a big jar and tell her that's where tattoo funding comes from. Toss in some spare change every now and then, and when it's full you can get a tattoo-- if all of the more important things are already paid for.

(And I say this as a person with three of them.....I just know that they're about the most needless expenditure ever, and they cost a lot of money!)

 

[Cetawin]

Quote:
thats what i told her last week but she knows we are planning a big vacation in januray, but she still asked again tonight

Because she knows you have it. It is really up to you but I agree with other posters...do not give what you cannot or are not willing to throw away. If she was short rent money, getting a tat was a stupid move on her part. You are her friend, not her mother. You can only do so much, so follow your heart but lissten to your mind.

Good luck.

 

[Dar]

well guess what... i dont have it anymore cause i just booked my vacation and i am officially broke...lol

CUBA Jan 2010 here i come!

 

[Whispering Winds]

I am glad you didn't lend the money. I am a small landlord, and out of the goodness of my heart, I let two of them put the ele. in MY name (I know I know, one was a relative the other a good friend) and of course the relative moved, was on disability, left a $200 light bill and it was turned over to collections, because I didn't KNOW they left it. Bill went to their house. Good Friend was in dire straits after a divorce, (that should have never even happened, should have been NO marriage!!! But that is a while nother' chaper) and he owed a previous bill. He got in deeper financial distress, moved back home down south to mommy, and left me with a whopping $430 light bill. Never said a word to me that he hadn't paid on it for FIVE months. My daughter bought a house and her ele. is also in my name, not because of any reason, we just turned it on and I was the one to do it, so they had to use my name . . .which is great, never has been a problem. BUT, they turned HER power off because of that bill being owed. I was livid, to say the least, and ended up having to cough up the whole amount that was due, which was $330 because he had given me a $100 to put on it, and that was THREE months ago. I emailed him this morning, (after his mommy emailed me and said she was taking over the bill paying, because it was just so stressful on him. (Yeah, my heart bled . . . he has a GOOD job . . .) and told him NOT to send me $25 mail orders. I did get one last month, so we are down to $300 now . . .but that I had taxes and home owners ins. due and I NEEDED a bigger amount. No response yet. His mom will be mad (this guy is 33, same age as my son!) because I contacted him instead of her, but SHE doesn't owe me the freakin' money. Love her, but don't loan nothing!!!!!! Sorry, didn't mean to vent about my own issue, but its so frustrating!!!!

 

[thechickenchick]

Quote:
Oh Darlene that's fantastic! Not that your broke, but CUBA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[onthespot]

When my brother needs money I usually make him work it off AHEAD OF PUTTING IT IN HIS HAND. Even when he was disabled after a heart attack and had vertigo from an ear injury I handed him the limb loppers and shoved the ladder under a tree and said "Get ta trimmin'!" and by golly, he did! He cut every branch I pointed to and cut it up and got most of it stuffed into the trash cans and put out to the street. I let his thirteen year old kid work alongside with him and paid him half wages, cash, in his hand, separate from the money his dad needed, just so he could learn what it felt like to earn $ from his own two hands. Hopefully he will like how it felt.

Sometimes I get the money call (like a booty call, midnight, very urgent, something MUST happen right now before morning, LOL) and I have bought some of his more valuable things from him for fifty cents on the dollar. He sorta squeals like a pig like I am killing him, but he knows he can buy them back for the same price, whenever, if I haven't already sold them myself in between. I have never stiffed him on his little treasures.

Anyhow, there are "ways" to help people out that have the potential to help you out as well. Since you are both married people, before I handed over any money, I would require a four person sit down and discuss this openly, you, your hubby, her hubby and her, all sit down with a pot of coffe and sort some things out. Require a written repayment agreement signed by both of them.

I am betting she would rather chew off her right arm than have a set down with the rest of you and talk about money. Discuss this with your husband before hand. Tell him your friend asked to borrow money and you would like to have a set-down talk to your friends about money, to just discuss money like adults.

That is funny, because mostly adults do NOT discuss money. This is like an impossible condition for her to fulfill, because she will never do it, but it will keep her from asking again.

That is just my four cents worth on the subject.