heartbreaking when children go astray

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

Quote:
I am not christian, so I am not going to be hypocritical and pretend to be something I am not, but I have to ask honestly, you know in your own heart that you love your child no matter what. You know you may not approve and you will let her face consequences, but you will never stop loving her. Why would you believe that your god would not treat her as you do??

 

[australorpchick]

First,

, I'm a mom and I know what we put ourselves through.

Now, without knowing everything, just what I've read by your posts, you're making this about you. It's not about you. This is her life and therefore, her choices and her consequences. As parents, we are only able to lay the groundwork, nudge and guide, lead by example and pray for their physical, mental and emotional wellbeing. Just because you are Christian and have brought your children up in the faith, does not make it written in stone that your children must follow your beliefs as well, once they are old enough to choose. Just because she chooses a different path, than what you had laid, weeded, put up handrails and dreamed about, does not mean you or she has done anything wrong. I'm living proof.

Besides a stubborn streak, I did not cause my parents many problems, unlike my sister. I was an honor student, involved in sports and student government and had earned some small scholarships. I didn't go out and party and naturally fell asleep by 9pm. My parents used to force me to go out, because I'd rather stay home and knit. At 18, I started dating a man 18 years my senior and began analyzing my own religous beliefs, compared to my parents Catholic beliefs that had been shoved up every orifice, as long as I can remember. My parents were sure this older man was taking advantage of me and would leave me used and abused. My parents wanted me to stop dating him and when I refused, they told me to move out. I moved out and married DH several months later. We'll be celebrating our 15th anniversary this year. As for being dominated by DH, oh please, I rule the roost.

My mom had visions of grandeur for my life. A high profile executive career, lots of traveling and devout god-fearing catholic. Instead, I work a well-paying job that I like, spend lots of time with my family, play with chickens and am a god-loving member of a nondenominational church. God has a plan for us, but it's our own choice on how we get there.

Just let her know you'll be there for her.

 

[Cetawin]

**************Hugs************ I am so sorry. You can only do what any of us can do...raise them, teach them right from wrong, teach them about making good choices, build their faith and give the foundation....once they leave the nest and enter adulthood, the life choices are their own...there is nothing we can do about it.

We just keep loving them and being there for them....and pray.

It is not your fault and you did not fail. She is failing herself.

 

[deb1]

Because I don't know what this young lady is actually doing, I can't speak to the moral issues of her decisions.

Sometimes people come out better individuals for making mistakes in their youth. It is possible that your daughter's character will become stronger because of her present course in life.

I am sorry that you are suffering so much. It is difficult to be a parent and watch kids choose a path in life that we consider wrong for them. I wish that I could offer you more comfort

It sounds as if your relationship with your daughter was strained before this moment. Perhaps this will work to bring you both closer together.

 

[Buff Hooligans]

I am sorry about your despair. I was raised Christian too, very strictly, but when I left home in my 20's I discovered men. Since my family didn't discuss difficult things, my mom just withdrew emotionally from me. We were still not talking about anything meaningful during her cancer, then death. Kind of sad. I'm sure she loved me, she just couldn't get over the moral thing.

 

[deb1]

Quote:
That is so sad.

 

[farmerlor]

I agree with Australorp chick. This is not your problem. Your daughter is an adult and she's SUPPOSED to question some of your beliefs and values. You didn't really want her to grow up to be a clone of you did you? This is the first step to being a strong individual and yes, she will disappoint you and yes, she will probably get hurt but you will still be there for her hopefully.
I rebelled against my Christian zealot parents (not even implying that you are anything close to a zealot) and when I needed help they threw a Bible at me which caused the rift that kept us apart for many, many years. So don't shut the lines of communication down over whatever it is she is doing. She knows you don't approve and you don't have to allow anything that compromises your beliefs into your home but don't keep harping on the subject.

 

[bargain]

I know personally how hard that hits....Please remember that Prayer works, that you "trained the child up in the way s/he should go".....If you need to scare your teenager, I have a grown adult one that can counsel her on all that "fired up Independence" just left her with a shattered life and a trail of tears and wasn't worth the thrill of independence.

Always and I mean Always, assure the child that You love them but not their actions and decisions.

Prayers always and pm as you like/ need.

 

[Soph xo]

I'm sorry you're going through this.
My mum regularly freaks out over stuff that I do.
I feel really awful afterwards though

Just hang tight and let her know you love her.
Don't chase her, let her come to you, and don't yell.
Good luck xoxo

 

[deb1]

Quote:
Why would any parent not want their child to be independent? I understand being upset if adult children make mistakes that will hurt them but being independent doesn't automatically mean that the person will do bad things or even give up their family's values.