Help me convince my bf to let me dispatch a sick chicken

[BawkbawkB]

I have a chicken (Juicy) who has been ill for a few months. Her illness has progressed to the point where her mobility is reduced and she can no longer jump or run. She has a large tumor or infection in her lower abdomen. I have tried many homeopathic cures along with broad spectrum antibiotics. Nothing has helped. I tried and tried. I love all my chickens.

Here is the issue Im facing: my boyfriend refuses to believe she is ready to go. I have been ready to put her down for over a month now. She eats, drinks, and slowly walks around the yard so he thinks she is still happy. I tried to explain to him how good chickens are at masking discomfort. Ive had him pick her up and feel that she is nothing but bones and the large mass. But I think he is more attached to the chicken than he wants anyone to know.

What can I say or show him to make him see its the right choice? Or am I in the wrong here? Since she still does normal chicken activities (in slow motion) should we let her continue on?

Age: 2.5 years
Breed: possible ISA or RIR

Photo 1: her now
Photo 2: her when healthy

 

[SnackMeat]

Unfortunately, this is a lesson many only learn after the fact: it is better to euthanize someone too early, than too late. Watching someone you love, animal or human, suffer because it hurts too much to say goodbye is ultimately the most selfish thing you can do-- prolonging their suffering just so you can live in a half-state that allows for even a shred of hope.

She is not going to get better. There is no miracle that is going to occur. The kindest, most loving gift he can offer her is ending her suffering.

Now, I'm not going to say dispatch her without having your boyfriend on board, but ultimately, you're part of this too. You're letting them both suffer so that you don't have to put your foot down and make the decision and be the bad guy.

That's fine. I understand. I have been there myself. But you won't be without your own regrets. And when she hits a particularly bad part of the progression of her illness, and you have to wait for your boyfriend to say goodbye versus giving her one last planned good day with lots of love, those hours of pain, well, it makes the burden a lot worse.


She is dependent on you. You have to commit to whatever definition you have of what it means to be a good steward for another's life.

 

[BawkbawkB]

Unfortunately, this is a lesson many only learn after the fact: it is better to euthanize someone too early, than too late. Watching someone you love, animal or human, suffer because it hurts too much to say goodbye is ultimately the most selfish thing you can do-- prolonging their suffering just so you can live in a half-state that allows for even a shred of hope.

She is not going to get better. There is no miracle that is going to occur. The kindest, most loving gift he can offer her is ending her suffering.

Now, I'm not going to say dispatch her without having your boyfriend on board, but ultimately, you're part of this too. You're letting them both suffer so that you don't have to put your foot down and make the decision and be the bad guy.

That's fine. I understand. I have been there myself. But you won't be without your own regrets. And when she hits a particularly bad part of the progression of her illness, and you have to wait for your boyfriend to say goodbye versus giving her one last planned good day with lots of love, those hours of pain, well, it makes the burden a lot worse.


She is dependent on you. You have to commit to whatever definition you have of what it means to be a good steward for another's life.

I have put my foot down and its causing relationship stress and it may cause much more if I just do it without him being on board. That's where I'm stuck.We have had 2 planned "last days" in the last 10 days (after a month of me trying to convince him it's time). Extra free range time, special treats, etc. But when the time comes he pulls back and still thinks she not ready. We argue. I volunteer to do it by myself and he isn't okay with that either. He is usually very logical and a getting-things-done guy. Thats why I'm so baffled and frustrated.
Thank you for your response though, I do agree with you.

 

[redinator]

Unfortunately, this is a lesson many only learn after the fact: it is better to euthanize someone too early, than too late. Watching someone you love, animal or human, suffer because it hurts too much to say goodbye is ultimately the most selfish thing you can do-- prolonging their suffering just so you can live in a half-state that allows for even a shred of hope.

She is not going to get better. There is no miracle that is going to occur. The kindest, most loving gift he can offer her is ending her suffering.

Now, I'm not going to say dispatch her without having your boyfriend on board, but ultimately, you're part of this too. You're letting them both suffer so that you don't have to put your foot down and make the decision and be the bad guy.

That's fine. I understand. I have been there myself. But you won't be without your own regrets. And when she hits a particularly bad part of the progression of her illness, and you have to wait for your boyfriend to say goodbye versus giving her one last planned good day with lots of love, those hours of pain, well, it makes the burden a lot worse.


She is dependent on you. You have to commit to whatever definition you have of what it means to be a good steward for another's life.

My concern would be that as her illness progresses the other chickens are likely to start targeting her, or she'll be injured by a predator since she's slowed down.

If/when that happens the guilt he'll feel for not having done it beforehand will be much worse than the sadness of humanely dispatching her.

I'm with you on this, she's a shadow of her former self, it's time to let her go.

 

[redinator]

I'm curious if she's still laying. I ask because I've seen other posts where people have hatched eggs from a favored rooster or hen after losing them. This might be an option to offer him.

 

[BlindLemonChicken]

My husband did something similar recently where he didn’t want me to get rid of a cockerel for bad behavior because he said that’s just how they are. I did it anyway. Not suggesting you do that. My husband was not attached to the chicken he just questioned my motives. Are you currently giving this chicken any special care or is she just hanging out with the flock?

 

[BawkbawkB]

I'm curious if she's still laying. I ask because I've seen other posts where people have hatched eggs from a favored rooster or hen after losing them. This might be an option to offer him.

She is not. She hasn't laid an egg since approximately Dec '24 - Jan '25. But that is a good idea in general. Thanks

 

[BawkbawkB]

My husband did something similar recently where he didn’t want me to get rid of a cockerel for bad behavior because he said that’s just how they are. I did it anyway. Not suggesting you do that. My husband was not attached to the chicken he just questioned my motives. Are you currently giving this chicken any special care or is she just hanging out with the flock?

She is justing hanging out with the flock. No one is picking on her. She used to be head chicken, so they still seem to respect her.
She was isolated for a period while we administered medication, but after there was no change we let her back out with her friends.

 

[BlindLemonChicken]

The ideal thing to do would be dispatch her but if she dies naturally out in the sunshine with her friends then that is nice too. Tell your bf that if she stops being active and starts to decline to the point she can’t be with the rest of the flock that he can be the one to care for her. That shouldn’t be on you because that’s what you’re trying to avoid. He will probably beg you to dispatch her in that case and maybe learn a powerful lesson. They can very much mask their actual condition until the last possible minute. And then it’s very sad indeed to watch them suffer. But that seems to be the road he wants to go down so let HIM go down it.

 

[SnackMeat]

I have put my foot down and its causing relationship stress and it may cause much more if I just do it without him being on board. That's where I'm stuck.We have had 2 planned "last days" in the last 10 days (after a month of me trying to convince him it's time). Extra free range time, special treats, etc. But when the time comes he pulls back and still thinks she not ready. We argue. I volunteer to do it by myself and he isn't okay with that either. He is usually very logical and a getting-things-done guy. Thats why I'm so baffled and frustrated.
Thank you for your response though, I do agree with you.

I get it and I really am not judging you at all. I have been on both sides of the fence where I was the one, like your boyfriend, and the one in your position.

Both times ended badly.

If you are not 100% on board with that relationship, if you have even the idea that you both might break up sometimes, say, in the next year, I would say that the burden you're going to carry won't be worth it.

It's not as simple as saying that he shouldn't want you to carry that either, that's not what a good partner does. Because grief and acceptance isn't about logic.


I would probably sit him down one last time and say something like, "She is dying, and by not letting her go you are making her needlessly exist in pain because, as understandable as your pain is, you are being selfish. All you are doing is that guaranteeing that when she finally takes what will likely be a sudden and stark drop in to her last moments she is going to have to be in even more pain than she is now. She's have to face fear and confusion, and possibly even do it alone or being attacked by the flock of we're not around when it happens.

If you love her, you have to let her go now when we can guarantee her a peaceful, and as painless of an end as possible."


After that, it's up to you, if he says no, if you can stomach letting her suffer because of the relationship. I know it's not black and white but it's not just stuff he's going to have to deal with.