Help me get 14 yr old DD doing her dishes chore--at my wits end here!

[Big Chicken Little]

For every night that she lingers past 7:30 without getting the dishes done you make her stay in the house doing nothing on her summer vacation..she will come around. I raised 5 boys and boys are more lazy than girls. This is not a punishment but a consequence for not doing what is expected of her.

 

[Chicken Chaperone]

Quote:
Sure! I have this in a spreadsheet format so that the chores are lined up, as are the dates and initials columns. When I tried to copy and paste it here, it lost the formatting but the content is there so hopefully this will work. I kind of consider it a "work in progress" in that chores can be added/removed prior to printing it each week as I remember things that need to be done.

Chore When needed Date(s) Init.
Start load of laundry & hang out As needed
Bring in load of laundry, fold & put away As needed
Empty dishwasher As needed
Empty kitchen trash & take outside As needed
Empty bathroom trash & take outside As needed
Empty cat litter trash & take outside As needed
Make bed Daily
Pick up personal items in living room Daily
Pick up personal items from hall tree Daily
Pick up clothes from bedroom floor Daily
Clean off dining room table Daily
Clean off kitchen counters Daily
Clean stovetop Daily
Dust Entertainment Center Weekly
Vacuum stairs Weekly
Vacuum living room (+ dining/hall) Weekly
Clean bathroom sink area Weekly
Clean toilet Weekly
Clean shower Weekly
Clean off dresser/desk Weekly
Clean TV screens (3) Weekly
Take cushions off couch & vacuum Weekly
Pick up trash in game room & vacuum Weekly
Clean & replace snakes’ water Weekly
Clean kitchen floor Weekly
Clean entry way & bathroom floors Weekly
Clean out microwave Weekly
Mow lawn Weekly (summer)
Clean out cat litter box Weekly (Sun-Wed)
Clean out cat litter box Weekly (Thur – Sat)
Clean out chicken coop Weekly (Sun-Wed)
Clean out chicken coop Weekly (Thur – Sat)
Clean out & vacuum car Monthly
Clean windows on car (in and out) Monthly
Sweep garage Monthly
Clean cobwebs from front porch & sweep Monthly

Oh, that's awesome! Thank you so much!! That gives me a great jumping off place to make my own!! Woohooo!! I may get help around here yet!

 

[redhen]

I dont know if i do things right or not..but Eh... i dont care..
this is what i do...
If you dont do your chores..you have NO privledges in the house. Nadda..nothing..zip...zilch...
no t.v., no radios in rooms, no phone time..no friends time..no NOTHING that they enjoy.... (they can sit and stare at the wall... its THEIR choice..)
And the key to making this work is...to follow through with it. EVERY time...
so they know EXACTLY what to expect if they dont do their chores...
Also..STOP fighting with them about it....
just sit them down and tell them EXACTLY what will happen if they dont do their chore on time...tell them there will be NO MORE nagging..NO MORE asking twice...a 14 year old is well old enough to not need you running behind her to tell her to do her chores....
make it THEIR choice....so when they have nothing you can explain that it was their choice... not yours. Their will be no arguing about it...either they'll do it or they wont...

dont stress about it... because they WILL get sick of having no t.v., no internet ..no radio... no friends.. no phone calls..etc...
also... if the other kids have to pick up the other kids slack... then they can earn their siblings money for that day/week.... because they are doing the extra work and deserve it.
trust me.... they'll do their chores real soon...

*yes, i'm evil..but it works for me..*

 

[baldie]

My sons are 11 and 5. All I want them to do is get along.

THATS IT.....No fighting or doing things you absolutely know are not right and you earn $2 a day!!!

I dont even care if they help me around the house. If I dont have to spend time breaking up fights or repeating myself over and over then I will have more time to do the crap myself...LOL This allowance doesnt include weekends because my mom usually has one of them!! I love my mom!! <3

 

[OrpingtonManor]

Quote:
this is absolutely true! I always hated doing the dishes when I was a kid. When I started my family, I found a friend who hated doing the dishes as much as me, and we promised each other to do the dishes while we chatted on the phone. It was a great plan. Now I don't hate doing the dishes. It's my house. I want it to look nice.

When my sons were teens, and hated doing the dishes, I decided that I was making them have my values. If the dishes were so important to me, then I needed to do them. But, that didn't mean they got out of work. I changed their chore to doing ALL their own laundry. I never touched a dirty sock again. They did the laundry because they wanted clean clothes. I did the dishes because I wanted a clean kitchen.

Still, I love the response from Sonoran Silkies. How hard would it be to require everyone to stay in the kitchen until it was clean?

 

[Kanchii]

Sorry, haven't read all the pages, just the first post. I'm 20 years old and totally did the same thing when I was younger.

What fixed it? Putting a TIME LIMIT on when the dishes must be done. Once you are all done eating, look at the clock and say, "Okay, it's 7:00. If the dishe's aren't done by 7:15, you are grounded this weekend with no allowance. And I won't be reminding you about the time." and walk away and leave.

It was the only way I'd just man up and do it right after dinner. Now, I don't mind doing the dishes in the least.

 

[briteday]

You've already stated the consequence of not doing the chore...no $$$. So if doing the dishes each week is only worth $1 then take that away from her unless she does it in a timely manner on her nights. Sit down and have a family meeting. Discuss the expectations. For instance, if the dishes are not done within 15 minutes after everyone is done with dishes or say 7:30, then no allowance unless it is done every night it is your turn. And you just start doing the dishes. Is it worth $1 to you to do them?

Teeth...one of my neighbors had this problem with a child. He had to give up all of his allowance until that first filling was paid off. Never quit brushing his teeth again.

My daughter is 18 now. She was pretty neat and clean about her room and chores when she lived in the house. Now she lives in a cottage (don't roll your eyes, sometimes it doesn't even have running water depending on the weather!) on our property. She goes to school full time (2-1/2 days each week, college schedule) and works one full 8 hour day. Two full days are taken up with homework and school projects. On school breaks she works full time and only has weekends off. OK, her place is not as clean as I would like it, but it's not really a pig sty. I'm waiting for her to move into the dorms during summer school (5 hours away) this year and let someone else remind her that it's not nice to leave dirty plates until they are gross. And I have lost a lot of her help with the chickens except for delivering eggs. She does her own laundry and takes care of her own expenses for entertainment. And in most ways she's a good kid...good grades, good friends, a good person. I think that's what I was striving for and I do have to remind myself to look the other way at times, when I am in her living quarters and if she is not getting enough sleep due to her social calendar.

I firmly believe in actions and consequences...and consistency. Maybe $1 isn't worth doing dishes to your daughter. Find something that motivates her to do chores. Perhaps if she did her chores in tip top fashion for 4 weeks you could give her a gift card for that favorite teen store, for the amount you would have payed her for chores (and maybe a tad more!). At her age you shouldn't be dealing with daily responsibilities. She needs to start thinking long term. How does she do with long term school projects?

 

[Julie08]

Quote:
this is absolutely true! I always hated doing the dishes when I was a kid. When I started my family, I found a friend who hated doing the dishes as much as me, and we promised each other to do the dishes while we chatted on the phone. It was a great plan. Now I don't hate doing the dishes. It's my house. I want it to look nice.

When my sons were teens, and hated doing the dishes, I decided that I was making them have my values. If the dishes were so important to me, then I needed to do them. But, that didn't mean they got out of work. I changed their chore to doing ALL their own laundry. I never touched a dirty sock again. They did the laundry because they wanted clean clothes. I did the dishes because I wanted a clean kitchen.

Still, I love the response from Sonoran Silkies. How hard would it be to require everyone to stay in the kitchen until it was clean?

I couldnt have said it better myself. Same point I was trying to make I just didn't make it near as well. Nicely put.

 

[the Pollo Loco]

Quote:
Redhen you're right on target!!!

 

[calicokat]

Thank you, Thank you for all the input!

You guys make a good point about how everyone scatters after dinner and then the dish washer is left alone in the kitchent to clean the mess. I think that's why I didn't like doing dishes as a kid either. So, maybe I can have the other two kids doing their daily chores at the same time. That way 1. all three are doing chores and 2. the kitchen area becomes a hub of activity so she doesn't feel all lonely & abandoned.

Last night went ok, but I wouldn't call it a total sucess. She did come in off the bus, get a 5 minute bathroom break and hit the dishes. Some progress was made, but when we stopped for dinner she drug hers out a bit too long. I can see I'll have to give her a set amount of time for dinner - say half an hour, then she has to be back to the sink.

DD 11 & I had to go to a 4H chicken meeting at 6:30 pm so at that point I told her to drain the sinks and she was to go to her room for the night and stay there -- I removed her ipod and computer. DH must have enforced it well because she left a note for me to get some food for her cat (that stays in her room only) since dad "wouldn't even let me out of here for that!" Go Dad!!! She was asleep when I got home.

Tonight, it's the same procedure: off the bus, 5 min. potty break and to the dishes. I'll be there too working on laundry and paying bills. I'm planning on frozen pizzas for dinner so there shouldn't be much in the way of new dishes to add to the stack. And tomorrow is payday for their commissions.

She has let me know that her "measly" $7 allowance is a joke to her - so that is not a good motivation. But I really can't raise it - it's already $20 a week to pay all three of them, and heck, DH & I only get $10 apiece for our spending money. Maybe I need to think of some free rewards, time alone with a parent, baking a batch of cookies, a hot bubble bath before bed, you know, that sort of thing?