Help me get 14 yr old DD doing her dishes chore--at my wits end here!

[conny63malies]

I would take cell phones, if she locks herself in the room id take the door of the hinges and if they doodle on a game station i would threaten to erase their scores they worked or so hard on. Or maybe hold in 50% of their allowance until they have enough money for a dishwasher. I am creative when it comes to punishment.

 

[ChickensRCool]

Quote:
I think this is a good idea, but I would also take the money she would earn for during dishes put it down in front of her and explain you get this tonight if you finish doing the dishes without stalling by 6:30 or whatever time you pick. If not I get the money and I think I'll go out for ice cream (or some other fun thing)with it. If she gets them done point out how fast it got done when she didn't stall and now she has time to do something she really wants to do, without being nagged.
Good Luck

 

[calicokat]

These are some interesting thoughts, keep them coming guys!

Our whole "chore system" is that they each have 5 daily chores: #1. Tidy room #2. SHower & Brush teeth #3. Their laundry #4. One house chore and #5. One pet chore.

The house and pet chores are on a list every afternoon (different stuff according to what needs done, a lot like HEChicken's plan) they can choose and do the ones they want -- first come, first served.

That gets them to $5 (DD 11 stops there.)

For DD 14 to get to her $7 she adds #6. Dishes 3 nights a week and #7. One more house chore from the list

DS gets to $8 by doing 6 & 7, then #8. One more house chore.

So, yeah, maybe she would trade off doing one more house chore, to her brother, and he takes dishes for 6 nights --ehhh, not sure he's going to go for that, she might have to take 2 house chores.

I really think that it's a case of negative attention is still attention, and when she's doing this it gets the whole house in a tizzy.

Not cooking really isn't an option because she will let this pile up for a week or more. We've had to wash silverware to eat dinner before and she still doesn't care. So that's a little long to go without food.

I like the idea of babysitting her, but to ramp it up a notch - have DH do it. He works nights and is usually headed back to bed for a few hours before work about the time this is going on. So if he was sitting there all grumpy and she's keeping him from getting sleep . . . . . . that might light a little fire under her butt

 

[agnes_day]

my oldest and i are in a battle of wills over this same issue...what i have done is this. if he chooses to do a sloppy job and take hours doing so, he can just stay in there until its done and its done right. he can also do his own laundry, worry about anything needed for school, etc. he is doing slightly better but like i told him, hes choosing to have the consequences by being lazy.
i hate to say it, but that combined with his other obnoxious traits have made me really glad hes almost old enough to move out!!

 

[Moxiechick]

Quote:
They get paid to brush their teeth?? Would the 14 year old get paid for brushing the 11 year old's teeth...? How about if she brushed both siblings' teeth in return for the dishes?

Sorry, just thinking about the loopholes that teens might come up with!

 

[calicokat]

LOL moxie!

That's on there because DS16 doesn't care about his hygeine - so I'm trying to help him care

What's funny is, I've told my sister about the chore system we use, she only has one DD. Her DD is a little OCD, so she finds it hysterical that I have to TRY to get a kid to shower and brush teeth, she'd like to get her DD down to only taking ONE shower a day, LOL!

 

[Countrywife]

I haven't read all the posts, but here is my two cents. Tell her to do them. Keep telling her. My son does that bathroom trick. Its the age. They are difficult, opinionated, crafty, sneaky and very hormonal. I simply keep repeating myself. For her its not about punishment, its about getting out of doing it. So, just keep telling her, she doesn't get to do anything else till she does that.

If it helps, I am the family joke. They all know if I threaten them or punish them it don't mean squat, cause in 2 minutes I will forget.

 

[Cindiloohoo]

Just another thing to add because dishes is always our fight around here...on nights where I cook big meals, if I am not too tired, and whoever is doing has had a good attitude about it and not complained about the pile. I will wash and let them rinse, dry and put away. They LOVE when I do that, and it's kind of a reward and show of respect for them doing a much hated chore with a good attitude. It reinforces that it pays to have a good attitude, and a good attitude is helpful in getting help when you need it. We have since quit having much issue with dishes due to this. They often look at the pile and ask if I will help, knowing that if I don't it's only because I am worn out or have other things to do. If I don't, they still don't complain, because I let them know I 'owe them one' for the future

I have found it's always good to reinforce the positive attitudes rather than give too much attention to the negative ones. My girls are 12 and 18 now, and when they have bad attitudes...it's time to talk in private about what's REALLY going on, because it's almost NEVER what they are reacting about in the first place. I think dishes may not be the real or only issue, I'd find out what is going on with her personally as well if she's willing to talk. At 14, it could be anything, but she'll appreciate the concern...even if she calls you nosey

 

[the Pollo Loco]

thinking back to when I grew up... there wasn't any money, no treats, gifts, no anything!!!!! parents said do this,that. and it was done!!!! Did we like it? NO!!!! but we knew that there were consecuences to our behavior, usually in the form of pow pow, in the hiney!!! as we got older yeah the pow pow wasn't as effective for them, and I know that a lot of people frown on that kind of parenting... needless to say it worked. what I got from this post and from my own experience is this: kids will do stuff when parents tell them to, when there is respect, however way you want to earn it... there needs to be respect. They need to respect you as a parent! Maybe you and Tim need to get together and have a family meeting, layout some ground rules and don't stray from them. Either that or call Nanny 911 there on the web, (ha, ha)

 

[HEChicken]

Quote:
Sure! I have this in a spreadsheet format so that the chores are lined up, as are the dates and initials columns. When I tried to copy and paste it here, it lost the formatting but the content is there so hopefully this will work. I kind of consider it a "work in progress" in that chores can be added/removed prior to printing it each week as I remember things that need to be done.

Chore When needed Date(s) Init.
Start load of laundry & hang out As needed
Bring in load of laundry, fold & put away As needed
Empty dishwasher As needed
Empty kitchen trash & take outside As needed
Empty bathroom trash & take outside As needed
Empty cat litter trash & take outside As needed
Make bed Daily
Pick up personal items in living room Daily
Pick up personal items from hall tree Daily
Pick up clothes from bedroom floor Daily
Clean off dining room table Daily
Clean off kitchen counters Daily
Clean stovetop Daily
Dust Entertainment Center Weekly
Vacuum stairs Weekly
Vacuum living room (+ dining/hall) Weekly
Clean bathroom sink area Weekly
Clean toilet Weekly
Clean shower Weekly
Clean off dresser/desk Weekly
Clean TV screens (3) Weekly
Take cushions off couch & vacuum Weekly
Pick up trash in game room & vacuum Weekly
Clean & replace snakes’ water Weekly
Clean kitchen floor Weekly
Clean entry way & bathroom floors Weekly
Clean out microwave Weekly
Mow lawn Weekly (summer)
Clean out cat litter box Weekly (Sun-Wed)
Clean out cat litter box Weekly (Thur – Sat)
Clean out chicken coop Weekly (Sun-Wed)
Clean out chicken coop Weekly (Thur – Sat)
Clean out & vacuum car Monthly
Clean windows on car (in and out) Monthly
Sweep garage Monthly
Clean cobwebs from front porch & sweep Monthly