Help me get 14 yr old DD doing her dishes chore--at my wits end here!

[sonew123]

I have a 14 and 11 yr old dd's They KNOW mom will not tolerate chores not being done-Im sweet almost all the time but they know I can turn postal in a heart beat if they dont do as asked...If the oldest chores dont get done I dont do her laundry-she has no internet-she has no friends overnight period...She is never questioned if its all done and she can get things she wants-to some extent but she gets NOTHING if it's not. It's nothing for her to say "mom-can you bring me to town so I can get this or that?" town is 20 miles away-She knows my answer depends on chores being done! LOL...Shes a good kid and only needs a head smacking once in a while haha-teasing

 

[texasgal]

Quote:
LOL .. funny .. DHs son refused to take the garbage out one day before school and when he came home from school, he found the entire bag of garbage had been opened and emptied ..... on his bed. so he had to clean the bed .. take out the garbage .. AND launder his sheets ...

 

[Cindiloohoo]

Well I have had that same problem with my DD. It took one night to get her over her stuipidity, and it didn't kill her. I went old school and did what my mom would have done to me. If I wasn't willing to help with dishes...ok, just don't eat. My DD went one night and the following morning. I did let her make a bologna sandwich...just bologna and bread, no dishes, and she was darn lucky to get that. Let your DD eat all she wants, but not use any plate or utensils, do not let her mess up not one single dish, and she is resposnible for making her own food. If they want a drink, the need to go buy some disposable cups for their personal use. It's then just a matter of time before they crumble in compliance of the rules...lol. I'm such a mean mom, and creative with punishments, which HAVE to fit the crime ALWAYS! Unreasonable non compliance like that does not fly round here.

 

[Poison Ivy]

If she runs to her room a lot to hide do as a friend of mine did. They took the door off her room so she can no longer hide. She gets the door back on after she shows that she is serious about doing her chores or gets with the program. I can say from my friends point of view it worked wonders. 14 year olds like their privacy big time. I can also remember a friends mom from when I was a teen that would make her do every dish in the kitchen if she didn't do her chores. That only took twice to get the point across to her. I can still hear her complaining about having to do all those dishes. Good Luck

 

[domino7]

That's a tough one. I would probably babysit her while she does them, and make sure she knew I was BABY sitting. If she can't work while she talks, then we wouldn't talk. If you wan't to act like a baby, I will treat you like one. Of course, as long as this was going on, there would be no privelages or allowance. I'm not saying it's the best move, just what I would do.

 

[Hippie Chickie]

I agree with her staying up until the dishes are done. What I have done when my DH has not done the dishes. btw I work, he's the house husband. I cook he cleanes. At least he's supposed to. Anyway if the kitchen is not clean, I won't cook. This only works for me because he doesn't cook and the kids are to young to cook unsupervised. For now at least. Perhaps have her siblings put some preasure on her? Another thing that might work better than rotating days is rotating weeks. I had three sibling and each week we had one major chore and two minor chores. Major was a chore that had to be done daily. Dishes, laundry, dinner and chopping wood. Minor was sweeping, mopping, vacuming, cleaning the bathroom etc. We started a set of chores on Sunday and handed them off on Saturday. The drill sargent, I mean my mamma checked the chores on Saturday to make sure that they were complete before the handoff. This way if I missed doing dishes one day it was still waiting for me the next day and my sibling was mighty grumpy that dishes they needed to cook with were still dirty. It was a nongender discriminate household. My brothers learned to cook and I could split wood awesomely. BTW we did not get an allowance. During high school I had a job and still had my chores. And I paid the phone bill every month and the cable bill every three months. My sister and my mom paid it the other three.

 

[DuckLady]

Seems to me that she will learn pretty quick that it is easier to just do them quickly instead of spending hours doing a 15 minute job.

If she wants to take 4 hours to do dishes, let her. Sit in the kitchen with her and I doubt it will take long for the dishes to start getting done in a timely manner.

Ask me how I know.

My mom and I went through this.

 

[Moxiechick]

I don't have any kids, but as a substitute teacher, I have to deal with the little darlings on a regular basis.

A lot depends on what is motivating her. While sometimes teens motives may be just to get your goat, at this age, it may also be just that she hates doing the dishes so much, that every moment she spends not doing the dishes is it's own reinforcement. The concept of getting it done and over with hasn't really had a chance to click yet. I would say making her stay up until the dishes are done, with no other distractions, will get really old after a few days to a week. No other distractions at all... keep the siblings and dog away, no tv, no leaving the room. (Have her go to the bathroom before dinner.) If she starts getting in the swing of the dishes, reward her by allowing the radio to be on while washing. This will give her something to shoot for, so that the whole overwelming concept of dishwashing will have a bright spot. Soon, getting them done and having her own free time back will act as a motivator.

Cindiloohoo's ideas look good too!

If any of this doesn't work, threaten to dance in front of her friends while out in public. Teens hate embarrassment more than anything else, even dishes!

 

[HEChicken]

I have a DD 14 and DS 12 and both would spend ALL their non-school time watching TV/Playing games/Reading for pleasure, if I let them. So I devised a system whereby they have to "earn" recreation time by doing chores. I created a list of all the chores that need to be done on a daily/weekly/monthly/as needed basis. 15 minutes of chore time earns 1 hour of recreation time, but they get to CHOOSE the chores they do, and this has worked out very well for us. Here is how it works:

Each week I print off the chore list and pin it to the bulletin board. When the kids come home from school, they consult the list and work daily chores first. These are usually quick - make bed, pick up clothes from bedroom floor etc, pick up personal items from living areas etc. Most days their daily chores take less than 15 minutes, so they next move to the weekly section. This includes things like cleaning the bathroom sink, bathroom floor, kitchen floor, TV screens, windows, vacuuming and so on. I have them initial and date next to the weekly chore so that others in the family know that chore has already been done this week. The monthly chores include things like sweeping the front porch, cleaning out the car, straightening up the garage etc. And the "as needed" are things like laundry, emptying the dishwasher, cleaning out the cat litter box - you get the picture.

The system is actually designed to work for the whole family - (i.e., I also have to do chores to earn my BYC time

) and hours can be banked but must be used by midnight of the same day. In other words, a full hour of chores can be done at one time to earn 4 hours of relaxation time, but that time must be used same day, as I didn't want them banking so much time that they felt they didn't need to do anything around the house for a week at a time.

This system has only been in place for a few weeks so far but has been enormously successful. I used to have to nag and nag to get them to turn off the TV and do something that had been asked of them, but by giving them the freedom to choose what chores they want to do, they have been working far more enthusiastically and seem to get satisfaction out of "earning" the rest of the evening off. And its working for me because the house is cleaner and neater than it ever was before. For DS 12, it has been enlightening as chores appeared on the list that he had never noticed needed doing before. For example, he didn't know that I sweep cobwebs from the front porch on a somewhat regular basis, but found this to be a "fun" chore when he selected it from the list.

I was a little afraid at first that the less fun chores would be procrastinated and I would be stuck doing those, but it hasn't turned out that way due to dividing them into weekly/monthly categories. Once it has been marked off for the week/month, no one else is allowed to redo that chore, so they have to choose something less desirable, with the result it all gets done. And I feel so much more relaxed as I no longer have to nag them to get stuff done - its just done, and we're often working side by side chatting while we work instead of them grumbling about how hard done by they are.

 

[cassie]

I wouldn't say anything to her beyond that it is her turn to do the dishes. Then do no meal preparation until the dishes are done. When there are no meals prepared, everyone is hungry, and it is her fault there may be some retribution by other members of the family. BTW, I wouldn't be above hauling her cute little fanny back out of bed at night if the dishes aren't done.

Screaming, yelling, nagging and pleading are a waste of time. Don't engage in any of these behaviors.