Help! My elderly mother is making me crazy!

[Avalon1984]

Isn't is just terrible when people try and give you the guilt trip? Drives me nuts. My mom does it all the time and I just end up ignoring her until she snaps out of it. Don't have time for adults acting like kids. Got a farm to run.

 

[NinnyGillaspie]

My Mother would never agree to go to a nursing home, assisted living, or anywhere that she may be helped. She says she's not giving up her freedom. So, I wait til she gets un ticked off at me, and continue this pity party?

 

[Avalon1984]

Quote:
Sadly, this sounds like your only option. I am sorry.

 

[NinnyGillaspie]

Thanks Folks for Listening. I figure I am in a pickle.

 

[zzGypsy]

have you tried the tactic a lot of men use with their wives?

"yes dear. I know dear. it's awful that happened dear." I'm thinkin' there's a "mom" version of that.

lots of ear-time and agreement, not much action required.

 

[NinnyGillaspie]

She's smart enough to say, "Don't you patronize me." If I give in to her every whim, then I am an "enabler". If I pull away, I am the disrespectful daughter. My poor husband just helps me every chance he gets. Drives me there, and gives me support. I'm sure he's fed up, as I am.

 

[zzGypsy]

given those choices, I'd be going with disprespectful daughter. that'd make us a pair, as she's a disrespectful mother... disprespectful of you having your own life and your obligations besides her demanding self-obsession. great hubby you've got.
yep, it's a pickle.

 

[BrattishTaz]

Maybe we could move my dad in with her. Then they could complain to each other.

I'm sure, at this point, my mother wouldn't mind.

Seriously, I am going through the same thing here. The only difference is that I moved myself and my teenaged daughters in to help after my mom got sick.

 

[Beekissed]

Quote:
Sounds like she only has this "freedom" if you provide it for her. How about pulling back a bit, allowing time for you and your family to have your own time but just prioritize her wants/needs.....example:

Mom: "I need you to come and check out my <insert whatever you wish>, I think I may have to go to the hospital over this!"
You: "Mom, tell me your symptoms. Well, those don't sound life threatening right now, so how about you call your doctor on Monday and make an appointment to get checked out. I'd hate to send you all the way to the ER to doctors who don't know your medical history as well as your personal doctor."

Mom: "A good daughter would come and check it out...after all, you ARE a nurse!"
You: "Well, Mom, I hope I've always been a good daughter to you, but if I haven't, you only have yourself to blame~you raised me! Call me if you get worse and we'll discuss your symptoms. I'll see you later, Mom, I love you!"

Hang up the phone. Make sure you only respond to REAL needs and then reward positive changes in your mother by responding to additional wants~but only if it doesn't rule your life. Everyone would love to have someone at their beck and call but eventually everyone needs to grow up and provide their own entertainment/social life/nurturing. It sounds like your mother never grew up and she is definitely not too old to learn or change.

No one can make you feel guilty unless you let them. Enablers do so out of some need inside themselves, so exploring why you feel guilty or stressed by the opinion of one woman may make this easier on you. In the end, when one has done all they can and can't do anymore, then it's time to rest and let God handle it.

 

[SallyF]

Aack!! I'm sixty-four and now I have to think of myself as "elderly".