Help Please - Death and No Memorial - I'm Upset

[Organics North]

My father died in November. Just immediate family. Went to the hill by the woods on that cold WINDY November day, stood in a circle holding hands said something if we felt like it, and then scattered his ashes into the strong wind. (Be sure to stand up wind when scattering ashes..

)

Went to the house had some nice food.
It was my fathers wish.

Had one Grandparent that had no nothing. So my mom and her siblings had a pizza party. (It was fun and fulfilling.)

ON

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

I do not understand how the parents wishes would override those of the spouse and children--certainly, their wishes and beliefs should be considered, but all in all, it isn't their decision. For what it is worth, cremation does not mean that you have to take home ashes--cemetaries have plots for burying cremains as well as columbariums (niche's in a wall specifically for storing them).

At some point you need to talk to your husband and tell him your feelings about cremation--your emotional reactions. Help him understand your feelings.

 

[Haggis]

I have been drinking! lol. here is what I would do... when you have a couple of spare minutes get outside. feel the air in your lungs and sit down. listen to the noises around you. then ignore them. then think about what they would want you to do. do that. feck everybody else.

EDIT : I did not read the last 9 pages of replies so I appppollllllogise if I offend anybody

 

[1stepcloser]

Quote:
I love your DH's wishes. Those are mine too minus the cremated part. Since society won't allow me to biodegrade, I want to put the ground sans box...then whoever is still around can plant a tree on top of me. Something pretty that blooms like a plum or cherry tree. LOL

 

[EweSheep]

LOL Haggis, that is a blunt way of putting up with that way LOLOL!

Sonoran, yes, I can understand the frustration about in laws or other family members wanting to be done this way and that way. My FIL wanted HIS son, MY husband, NOT to donate his organs, NOT to be cremated, MUST be in oak casket and buried near him at the family cemetary which we do not have a plot nor either one of us wanted to be buried there.

I had told him what my husband wanted and all he said that my husband is stupid and he will die alive being burned. I thought it was a very morbid way of thinking of that way but understood his fears despite of explaining that once you are dead, there is nothing there and they do check you to MAKE sure you are dead.

If everyone do what the dying member of the family had on its will or verbally requested how it should be done and respect that. It is not easy either.

For those who wanted a tree planted there, that is so sweet! I figured an oak or maple tree would be long lived and semi permanent marker of your resting place.

As for hubby, he wanted his scattered ashes to be upon that mountain in Scotland and I do not think we can afford the trip however, mailing to a friend in Scotland would be a good option!