How soon is too soon to date?

[LizFM]

Even if your husband agrees that the children are better off with you at this point...he has parents. Parents who will almost certainly condemn a soon-to-be ex-wife for dating while he was overseas. I mean...how could a person be painted any worse than "cheating" on a deployed serviceman? You could hardly come up with a situation that made you look worse to his buddies and family, a judge or to public opinion.

He might not want to take the kids away from you but I bet his parents or someone in his family would...and they could convince him to fight for custody from 'the kind of woman who would cheat on a guy who's deployed.'

 

[crzychickenlady]

This is a touchy subject that I...unfortunately...have been involved in.

The man I am with I have known for a long time. We dated, then split and he got married. He left her after a year of marriage, moved out and contacted me again.

We pretty much picked up where we had left off and this made his soon to be ex wife VERY angry.

I didn't feel that we had done any wrong, he chose to leave her, got his own place and was moving on with his life. He didn't leave her for another woman or cheat on her, he just wanted out of the marriage. He and I didn't start up dating for several months AFTER he had moved out on his own.

HOWEVER, she did not feel the same. Him seeing me again....she hated me.....opened up a huge can of worms for him. I'll have to make a long story short here, but, she cost him $130K and 2 years before the divorce was finally finalized.....which was about 6 months ago. He is STILL paying for the things that she has done and will hopefully be completely clear of all of it by March. Not to mention the sheer hell she put BOTH of us thru in this whole mess. Their divorce could have been finalized very quickly, but she drug it out and added on every expense she could think of before he finally had had enough and just agreed to pay whatever she had listed just to get away from her.

This may not be the case with you and your soon to be ex....as his was crazier than a loon. She even went as far as to search out every hospital in the area and find our "web babies" page and post a lovely comment about our newborn son.

I know how you feel about "dating". I wasn't going to wait for his divorce to be finalized before we could be together again and neither was he. It may have cost him alot in the long run, but it brought the both of us closer than ever. So I have to thank that crazy woman for that at least, LOL!

Some of you may look at what we did as wrong....especially having a baby during all of this mess......But, I believe in my heart that he and I were destined to be together from the beginning. He made a few wrong choices and ended up with the wrong girl, but we found our way back to each other. AND, when we walked out of court on that last day, she shouted to me "You can have him now!" He turned to her and said "She's ALWAYS had me, now leave us alone and move on with your life and let us do the same."

In your case, I don't know what to advise. I would think that maybe making new friends....male or female...wouldn't be a bad thing, but maybe openly "dating" right now would be a bit of an issue. You don't have too much longer to wait until he is back home. I liked the suggestion that someone said about joining groups and things like that, It's a good way to meet new people!

Sorry to ramble on.....

 

[chickenzoo]

My hubby was a legalman in the Navy.......... he dealt with a lot of this. I'd tell you it would be safer to wait so their is no ammo on his side, encase something changes and it gets ugly. And seeing you happy could make things get ugly...............

 

[deb1]

crzychickenlady, I am not going to judge you.

 

[luvmychicknkids]

Hi, guys. Thank you for all the posts. Unfortunately my internet is not working so I am not getting to log on and read them much right now. Hopefully in the next day or two it will be fixed and I can sit back and real all the posts and reply.

I am actually at my mother's house and it is hard to post with someone over your shoulder......I think she forgets I am almost 40 not almost 14.

I will add really quick, I am just talking about going to dinner or a movie....just spending time publicly with someone of the male gender. Not moving them in....have no plans of even letting a man come to my house for dinner to avoid things looking out of line. Also, and I WON'T get into personal details here, but I have proof (plenty of actual legal documentation) of wrongdoing on the part of my husband while we were living in the same house. The military is really strange about stuff so you get records most people never would.

I really don't think there is much chance of him fighting me, at least for the kids.

 

[horsejody]

Don't forget, if he stays in the military, you may be entitled to a percentage of his pension. Make sure you have a good lawyer. Even if your husband seems amicable, it's best to remember that you (and a good attorney) will be the only ones to ensure your best interests are taken into account.

 

[Katy]

Quote:
I don't know how big of a town you live in, but just remember no matter how innocent the outing/date, there will be those who see you and consider it a date and the rumors will start.

 

[gritsar]

Quote:
Such a hard row for you to hoe.

You know how these small gossip-ridden Arkansas towns are.

Someone once told me that if the South is the bible belt than Arkansas is the buckle.
Be strong, my friend.

 

[dntd]

What kind of places do you guys live in to have gossip?Either your town is teeny tiny or your a celeb.Either way what's the old lady down the street going to do? come to court and say"she when to the movies with thing man who wasn't her husband!. Stay mentally healthy, don't give yourself up easily, I find those people with looser morals tend to have low self esteeme.

 

[gritsar]

Quote:
Seriously, our town of 6,000 people is really bad. My DH is a cop, meaning he has to be extra careful. There is a lady in town that they call the copparazzi. She follows the cops around, taking pictures of them should they happen to stop and chat with each other or buy a soda, and then takes the pics to the city council meetings to show how her tax dollars are being "wasted".
Half the town is gossiping, half are being unfaithful.
I count my blessings every day that we don't actually live in town.