Bing! Bing! Bing!
Johnny Dangerously is the correct answer!
@aart (and google) collects the bonus points AANNNDD
A new car! Help yourself to any you find in the road rivers and driveway bayous located in and around luxurious and wet Houston. Bring a tow truck! Bring TP! And don't forget to open the drain plugs in the passenger compartment. May require a new engine, upholstery, electronics and paint job! The tires may be good for another 5,000 miles though.
Special runner up thanks to
@KikisGirls for the wonderful GIF. Made me laugh out loud too! For you, we have another hurricane forming in the Eastern Atlantic! (wait, that's not funny...) How about 2 days of mostly sunny skies? Interrupted internet service for the next week? A babysitter for the weekend? "Would you believe... a box of chocolates and a foot rub?"
with specials thanks to Maxwell Smart and 99 for saving the world from KAOS-tic hurricanes.