I dont understand why. PICS

[cmfarm]

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Yes re homing him does sound like a good idea. This is the first time that he has ever been like this with me and we have know each other for 5 plus years being together 2 of those years and this is the first time. If he does show any more signs of abuse trust me i am not afraid to take my ducks and leave cause my last relationship was abusive and i would never go threw that again. I think that it is because when we moved we had to get rid of his dog because it was a pit bull and not an accepted breed there and now he wants a lab and thinks it will hurt the ducks. We talked last night and last night he seemed more willing to try training a puppy and the ducks to live together so we will see if he keeps his word.

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Their names are Killer and Princess because one will eat everything in site and go after almost anything and the other you have to baby and treat like a princess lol. They were at our pet store in a cage like they keep rabbits in. They had ducklings, chicks, and turkins is wat they called them. and the mice are actually in a back room away from them so no not next to the ducks. I went up there to ask where they got them and their actual breed and that is wat i saw. And i will post pics as soon as i get home becuase i am at work right now and have no pictures of them with me.

There are always 2 sides to every story. It sounds like he is hurt about his dog and is taking it out on you. Maybe he doesn't relize it. I don't know how old the 2 of you are, but maybe he is young a bit imature. If this is the first time he has done anything like this, then it might just be that he is just not handling things right. There are a lot of variables to this story and we only get to here one side of the story.

 

[featherfinder]

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He may not like them but he is not cruel to them. He does love animals but he likes them to be his to and they are not. They always run from him and go back to me but i blame that one him not spending as much time with them as i do and willing to take care of them like i do. So to answer the questions no i do not believe he hurts them when i am not there and he would not let a puppy hurt them either.

I am sorry to hear about your relationship and thank you for telling me cause im sure it is difficult to talk about but i have seen none of those signs so far from him. But we are just still dating nothing more so i will keep an eye out for these signs and hopfully if he is like that i have the strength to leave him to before we get more involved.

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Me and him are going to talk about this tonight. I agree with you that it is all in how you raise the animal and i know if we got a dog i would make sure that it will be duck friendly and they will always have supervision. If everything goes as i hope it does tonight and he agrees to keeping them and raising a dog with them his birthday is in june and that is probably wat i will get him cause i would like to wait till the ducks are full grown and they deffinitly should be by then.


cmfarm- He gave his dog to his uncle who lives about 15 mins away so he can go and see him anytime he wants (which he does quite frequently) so i dont think that it is a complete issue about lossing his dog cause he can still see him and he is 20 and i am 19.

 

[Sore Thumb Suburbanite]

Whoa, you are just 19 and have already been in an abusive relationship...? Its so hard to hold my tongue...please understand the below was written before I knew your age... so both your behaviors make more sense now. Maybe you should talk to your parents about this situation in stead of people you don't know.

Ok, I just read this whole thread and it seems that in the first post, featherfinder's initial tone was one of someone who was scared for her animals first and unhappy with the bad/unfair situation-she wanted help. But, after people started pointing out the real issue-the boyfriend, she gradually changed her tone and is now defending her boyfriend...using justifiers: the behavior is ok because its new or unusual. Though if the initial post is to be believed as accurate-this guy still did torment animals in front of her, is upset and jealous that they didn't bond with him and can't be bothered with commitment to pet relationships.
But, she is living with her boyfriend and gives him authority to make the decisions for her, so clearly she has already made her choice. I think telling her what is plainly obvious to us isn't helping because featherfinder is just where she wants to be and she has chosen this relationship, she is willing to beg for her ducks, and maybe he will let her keep them. We can't do much at this point it seems. This is a relationship problem, not really a duck problem.
Featherfinder, do whatever you want to do-its all your choice...just don't have kids in this relationship-they are harder to find homes for.
I'm awfully sorry for your ducks, they must be very afraid of him, getting them a happy, stable home with 2 loving parents is much better, even if its hard for you.

I'll probably get greif for writing what I think, but I can't help it, this is ridiculous.

 

[featherfinder]

I am worried about my ducks and in my first post that was before me and him talked last night he was talking about dropping them off at a pond somewhere and it really upset me that he would even think of that. After last night we talked about them and he still doenst want them there becuase of wanting to get a dog but said he would not just take them somewhere which put me more at ease. We have never had relationship problems in 5 years and i do not allow him to make my decisions. I still choose wat i want to do but i think that he got them for me on impulse and didnt think it threw clearly and the only time he ever did anything to them is he tried to pick it up by its back instead of scopping her up by the legs and it scared her and neither one have wanted anything to do with him since. My family is not an option either. I have always been indpendent because that is how i was raised and my mom sent me out as soon as she could and dad lives out of state. Im sorry if this seems to that it is more relationship issues but i was honestly and still am worried for my ducks but know now that they will still be there when i get home and he will not hurt them. He has never done anything intentionally to hurt them. they just bonded with me and not him and now he wants that bond with a dog and thinks the dog will interfer with the ducks and no longer wants them there.

My abusive relationship was part my mothers fault. I went away for a weekend and she thought it would be a nice suprise to let him move in and for the next year i delt with him cause she didnt beleive me untill i got my dad involved and i moved out after that.

 

[Sore Thumb Suburbanite]

I personally think you should not have lots of pets right now as you are still living in an apartment. I think that you also need a good support system comprised of mentors and adults and people who love you, that can help in these personal situations. I am very sorry you had a difficult childhood and your mother isn't someone you can confide in, but you sound like you won't be the same way with your children-or pets, so thats great news. I think this thread is pretty off topic at this point, and I shouldn't contribute any more off topic information... I truly hope things work out, it sounds like in some ways you have had a tough start in life-but are a very resourceful and capable girl besides. Gook luck with everything!

 

[bt03]

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Sweetie pleas read that quote alone and you will see that it IS a relationship problem and not a duck problem. DH bought me 4 ducks on a whim because he knew I had been wanting them and has never said a word against them even though they prefer me over him. What happens when he doesn't spend as much time with the dog as you do and then is not HIS? What happens when you have children and they spend more time with you and they are not HIS? What happens when you hang out with your friends and are not HIS? I have been following this thread hoping that you would read what you are writing and realize that it's not the ducks that need to go. I work with women that always say it's not him it's (insert any noun here) that is the problem. It always starts with something small that you think is insignificant. Please give the ducks to a good home that will not be upset if the ducks don't BELONG to this person or that person or get you and the ducks out now before something that is minor turns into something that you can no longer control.

 

[cackydoodledoo]

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DITTO! Sounds like he is either an insensitive boob OR an abusive Azshat. Either way, put him on craigslist...free to any home

OK, I'm sorry featherfinder, I don't mean to be insensitive, but when I read this I almost needed a Depends I laughed so hard. I like the way you put it, Wifezilla.

I agree 100%!! Rehome him. I think it's a little disturbing the way he is playing with you. Here's some ducks. Oh you really love them well sorry you will have to get rid of them. No? You want to keep them? Ok but next week I am going to change my mind and we will have to get rid of them. He is controlling you and that is not right!!! I wouldn't agree to the dog either. I can just see him getting it and once it gets bigger him dumping it in the park or along a road because he changed his mind and now he wants a goat or something. I don't mean to sound harsh but he sounds like a real jerk!!!

 

[EmtheFishLady]

To be honest, I don't think everyone going on and on trying to convince her to leave her boyfriend is going to do one single bit of good. She's not going to listen to random strangers on a forum for relationship advice. When she gets tired of him, she'll leave. To those of us who've been in cruddy relationships, we may be able to see where this is headed, but if she doesn't, we all know we had to wait and see for ourselves too.

It's JMO, but I think it's a waste of breath to actually try and talk her out of this relationship. If my husband tried to tell me I had to get rid of any of my animals? I'd tell him to take a walk. BUT, I've already been there, I'm guessing she hasn't yet.


OP, I'd put the ducks up for adoption. Craigslist, put up fliers, post them in the BYC auction section.

It's either gonna be him or the ducks. I guess you have to decide which ones bring you the most pleasure. Good luck. Sorry you have to make such a tough decision.

 

[featherfinder]

Ok well I took everyones advice and i read back over this whole thread and how everyone is right. He is being re homed tonight over this situation because of lack of comprimise and i dont want them to end up at a lake somewhere. So as of right now he is gone and the ducks are staying. They need a good home and i know he will be able to fend for himself (unlike them).

 

[DuckLover179]

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