Don't set your own grief aside, grieve WITH them, together. Just be there, offer a hand, a hug, a smile. It's ok to smile and remember him, don't feel the need to look properly sad and such, he is gone, his memory and legacy is not. I feel the last two years and everyone I've lost during that time has been practice for my future. When we've gathered after the funeral, or in the church for the viewing or whatever, we've celebrated the person, not mourned them. The last loved one we buried graduated with Steven last year and fell asleep at the wheel. We talked, laughed, told stories, and remembered what a wonderful young man he was. We cried too, but mostly from the joy of the memories we shared. We put together picture albums, we shared stories in writing and made a great album for his parents. The one just a few months before that was Father Ashley. We gathered together and remembered what a fantastic person he was, how quirky, how a Royal Marine ended up an Anglican Priest! The support comes in the common love and sharing of a person you've just lost. Don't try and do everything, help with what needs helping with, but allow them to deal with everything they can or they will feel later like they missed something and won't know what it was. You have to grieve too though, you can't hold it in, and you can't hide it, just share it.
