I thought the hard part was over.... Sigh..... Depressed

[warmfuzzies]

I had exacly the same thing happen when I had my first miscarriage, twins. I thought I was fine. And then one day, I heard a song that did something to me, and I just sat down on the floor and rocked and bawled. I wanted those babies so bad, my arms felt soooo empty. And I haddnt thought about it in months.

Then whe I got pregnant the last time, I also had twins again, and when I started stopping, I was sooo scared. We went in and had an ultrasound, and there was one baby, but the other one had died. (That was actually when we found out there was two.)

It was not hard that time, I was SO happy that one was OK. But when she was born, it was sad, knowing she should have had a brother or sister with her.

You will be OK, it is normal. Also, my SILs midwife told us that the hormones take a LOT longer to leave after a miscarriage, then after a regular pregnancy. So that doesnt help any.

 

[Robin'sBrood]

Kelsey, I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks back in 1996. Even though I had already been blessed with 2 children the miscarriage started a very bad spiral of events in my life. People couldn't understand the loss I felt, but it was very real and it lasted for about a year. In the end God used it to bring me (and my DH) to Him and both of us were saved, so even though it was a very hard experience I now know that I didn't go through it for nothing.

I DO understand what you're experiencing, I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[kelseygirl707]

Quote:
Yea, going to my moms was actually my Hubbys idea, he felt horrible, but knew I needed that, and he himself didn't know what to do for me. He's a very cut and dry kinda guy when it comes to life and what needs to be done, like if a chicken is sick, he goes out and puts it out of it's misery and thats it, where as I cry over it for a couple of days, LOL. But he surprised me, when I told him that I had been thinking about the fact that we would have a newborn right now, he told me that he had been thinking about that too, an he choked up, which don't get me wrong, my hubby is is super emotional, (you should see him watch PS I love you, or the notebook, LOL) but I just didn't expect the due date to effect him so. Also when I went back on birth control, my hormones went crazy, and I felt as though I was pregnant, which got him all excited, so he made me take a test, then was upset when it was negative. But we have both agreed, we need to wait.

 

[luvmychicknkids]

I am so sorry for the loss and heartache you are feeling. And yes, like so many have said, it is perfectly normal. I am glad you and your husband talked about it and you know he is feeling it now, too. You can work through it together. You are in my thoughts.

 

[kelseygirl707]

Also I want those of you who have experianced this, thank you so much for sharing your stories, although I know I'm not the only one, it does help to also hear that I'm not alone, And I am so sorry for all of your losses, I guess although it gets easier, none of us will ever forget the little blessings we lost. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

 

[CATRAY44]

I will be praying for you, I had a similar experience. The grief can come like a sucker punch, out of the blue. I was glad I kept my hopsital bracelet... the only tangible reminder I had of my little one who slipped away. Psalm 139 really helped me understand that even though my baby didn't live long here, that it had a purpose, even if I don't know what it is, my baby mattered to God. One day a frieind said something that to me, was profound - That my baby wasn't in my past, my baby is in my future. We will meet again one day.

(Psalm 139:13-16)

13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.

 

[kelseygirl707]

Thank you so much everbody, your thoughts and prayers have helped sooo much, also Hubby took me to TSC to play with the ducklings, that always cheers me up, I think ducklings are even cuter than chicks, if thats possible, LOL. I hope I didn't bring anybody down, I just knew I'd get some healing words here. Thank you all.

 

[foweler]

I can't imagine what its been like dealing with this, I can only wish you and your husband well and hope someday it works out for you.

Don't know why you wouldn't want to raise a child here, I like it here. Not all of it but most of it.

I've been an electrician in this town for 11 years and as the close friend of several engineers I have to say I prefer plumbers Not nearly as self important Well, not always, just when they think they're right

Where do you want to go?

 

[kelseygirl707]

Well, I was fine with having kids here when we moved here, but since then we got a job where we manage a buisness and live onsite, it's great because we get free rent, and I could raise a child and make money at the same time, But we have Drunk, disrespectful, High Kids around all the time, we have had a drunk guy walking by our house with a knife saying he was gonna kill somebody, Just last week we had two drunk girls decide they wanted to pee in fron of our car, right in front of our bedroom window, my husband loved yelling at them, and watching their bare butts run away, LOL. We had to evict a man from our property because he deficated on the property, wiped himself with a towle, then threw it in our boat. He came back two weeks later yelling at me that I ruined his life, and he was going to kill me and my husband, hurt our dogs, damage our cars and property. The police came, but he was gone, they told us he was on parole, but they never contacted him to tell him to stay away from us. My property has been broken into around 5 times in the last 8 months. A college kid was on his cell phone driving, he hit my husband with his car (at low speed, so he is alright) but they guy actually flipped my husband off and then sped off! I just really don't feel safe in Chico anymore, when we were on the other side of town it wasn't bad, but we can't afford to live in Chico without this job. I was born and raised in Santa Rosa Ca, and I would love to get back to the bay area, or Sacramento, Both my husband and I love Sacramento. Plus I'm not ready for the 106 degree temps again.... LOL.

I know there are a lot of good people in Chico, I just seem to keep finding the Wako's.

 

[kelseygirl707]

Oh and and as far as Engineers being self important, My husband was born with that gene, LOL, So I think he'll love it. And yes he does always think he's right, but he's not, I Am! LOL