I'm a new mother and going out of my mind! help!

[65browneyes]

SarahF....I've not read all the responses you've gotten here but wanted to say you sound JUST like I did 11 years ago. My third child (and only girl) started screaming (not crying, but top of her lungs, face turning red SCREAMing) at 4 months. And, she screamed until she was about 18 months.

I was SO exhausted all the time. I had a husband, two other children, and a home to tend to. (My oldest was 12 at the time and I'm telling you, having a sibling like this was PERFECT timing for a teenage boy. I never had to worry about teen pregnancy with him LOL) I still often say if she had been first, we would have had exactly ONE child, not 3. And, I am completely serious about that.

I had nursed her. She would nurse for 45 minutes (total), sleep for 45 minutes (total). I stopped nursing just before the screaming started, as I suspected she was not getting the proper nutrients from me.

Her brother, our second child was ideal. I used to say that Dr. Spock wrote the book about him. He was nearly perfect. Our daughter on the other hand, has been a challenge. I often joke that she's been PMSing since before birth.

We tried putting her in the car seat on the running dryer, car rides, swings, walking, talking, feeding, walking away, everything. I felt like SUCH a failure as a mother because a mother's voice is supposed to be soothing to her child. But, my voice made her scream louder. It was even worse with her dad, grandma, aunts, strangers (to her, not me), everyone. Nobody would keep her for us because she was so difficult.

Some suggestions were an iron allergy, lactose intolerance, soy intolerance, constipation, hunger. We never did figure it out. I finally started making her skip daytime naps, stay up all day until bath and bed after her evening meal. She started sleeping through the night at least. (I don't think skipping daytime naps is in anyway a good idea for you or your daughter.)

At any rate, I just wanted to say, as I'm sure many folks already have, you'll make it through this difficult time. Know that you are not alone, and will surely get tons of help and suggestions from a good many people FAR more capable than I. One thing I can say is that it is so incredibly important that you have time for yourself. It was difficult for me to even get a shower daily. More often than not, I had a child IN the shower with me, or I wouldn't get one at all. I almost think not having any time to myself was as stressful as having her screaming 'round the clock.

I'll keep you in my thoughts.

 

[candrnyen]

Sarah,
I responded earlier but I forgot to mention. With my 3rd daughter I would put her in the swing and vacuum the carpet in the room that her swing was in. She loved it!!! It was the only way to get her to stop crying sometimes. When I would have to run to the store (Just to escape) My husband would do this almost the whole time I was gone. Of course, He would not do the whole floor he would just turn it on next to the swing and leave it. DH.
Anyway, I know when you have a colicy baby you will try anything and I thought this might be one you could try.
Best wishes to you,
C J

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

Like the earlier posters, I haven't rad every post, but I sympathize and empathize! I had a high needs first born too. She had reflux which caused her to regurgitate and caused her dreadful heartburn but it took several months before we figured it all out. Tell hubby to chill out and help out some more - his expectations are making your feelings worse. Let him read this thread so he can see how this is common and can truly drive a mom insane.

At 4 months my pediatrician gave me this advice. - some mothers will howl at this, but I have heard it many times since from other doctors and mothers. give the baby an age appropriate dose of Benadryl one night. A mommy who is sleep deprived is a crazy over stressed mommy. One night of decent sleep will greatly help mom and one night of medically induced sleep is not going to hurt baby......

The stuff new moms go through, extended sleep deprivation, isolation, emotionally agitating sounds, and pain (nursing recovery from childbirth) are against the Geneva conventions for torture!!!! They can and will make an emotional and physical wreck of you - don't be ashamed, seek help!

 

[purr]

well if we're going to go in that direction"benedryl" tell what I did that my MIL told me to do when my daughter was teething , rub brandy or whiskey on the gums very little . but I'm sure this will get everyone riled up.

 

[mom'sfolly]

I haven't read all the posts, so forgive me if I go over things you have already heard.

Every baby is different. My first one sounds alot like yours, my second was so peaceful we sometimes forgot he was there. Your baby sounds colicky, and any advice aside, parents have been dealing with this for generations. If any of these cures were perfect, there would be no colicky babies. My first child was colicky and nocturnal; not a good combination. He grew out of both and was a wonderful toddler and is a great kid. Just keep going, and talk to your doctor and your baby's doctor.

The other issues are rest and support. You need to take your opportunities to rest. So the house isn't tidy, the baby is small for a very short time. Sleep deprivation can literally make you insane. Everything will seem much worse if you are tired. Sleep while your baby sleeps; it will help keep things in perspective. Have a friend come over and help you cook meals for your freezer; casseroles, stews, soups, anything. Having an easy meal willl help. My sister came to visit after my first son was born and spent the entire time in the kitchen, and filled my freezer. It is one of the best gifts I have every recieved.

Oops, gotta take the kiddos to piano,

 

[LilRalphieRoosmama]

My pediatrician told me Dimetapp! I think back then (15-16 years ago) it still had alcohol in it. My son had those night terrors and the Dimetapp really helped.

Not to get off the subject, but sometimes those old-fashioned doctors knew what worked, and there wasn't the malpractice suits like there are now.

Everyone is right though - not only do you need to take care of your baby, you need to take care of YOURSELF. Good luck and wish you well -

 

[mom'sfolly]

Kids are back from piano so I'll finish what I wanted to say.

Try to find some other new moms to be around. My oldest is 10, and my three best friends are from a playgroup that I started (with strangers) when my son was less than 6 months old. Almost everything you mentioned is fairly normal. Babies are a tremendous amount of work, and they don't go away after 8 hours. Your current work week runs through every night, requires things that are a drain on you body, literally; and is extremely taxing. Breast feeding has a fedback loop that makes you feel sleepy and contented while nursing; take advantage of that and relax while you can.

A post-natal exercise class might get you out, let you meet people who are doing the same thing you are, let you meet new moms and give you some much needed me time. One of the hardest things for me was going straight from working woman to stay-at-home mom. I didn't know any other moms, none of my old friends had kids, and I was attached to the kid as sole source of food.

what you are feeling is normal, try rest, support and an occasional break. Remember, your parents advice is a generation out of date, so they might make you crazy too.

Good luck, every new mom has been where you are, at least for awhile.

 

[smith2]

I read this post with great sympathy. My first child was a nightmare. Crying, screaming, colic, gas, etc. for an entire year. We had been married about 2.5 years, but I have to say my husband was absolutely wonderful. He would come home and I would be crying. He would fix dinner and tidy the place up. He worked about 50+ hrs a week. One day I was crying and he said what are you so upset about. I spilled all the stress, guilt about not being "stronger,"etc. He said, "I married you for better or worse. It just happens to be worse right now. It will get better. I didn't marry you for the food, the house, or any other issue. I helped make this baby, and I'll help raise it." After that, WE got better, although she didn't. I have been married to this man for 26 years, 2 miscarriages, and 1 more living child. A lot of what we have been through has been "worse," but we have also been through a lot of "better." You need to talk to your husband about his expectations, NOW! Children can be the best or the worse thing to ever happen to a couple. It is all in how the two of you agree to cope with the situation TOGETHER!

There have been a lot of great suggestions on this forum. Try some of them, it just might help you get a few moments peace. PS. My second child was not any better, but I had a better doctor, I was older and more mature, and had already had one of these experiences. Find a really good friend who will help and then LET them help when you are at the breaking point. They do grow up and turn into wonderful people, it just takes a while.

 

[Livinzoo]

I have two suggestions for you. I am not a mama yet, but I have been hanging out on a mothering board for almost 3 years.

Get a sling. They are great at allowing you to get stuff done but still hold the babe. I really like the Ergo and found it very easy and comfy. I have also used a wrap which although it takes a bit to get it right works well too.

I noticed that you said without dairy that your legs have been cramping so you are taking Calcium. Calcium is a muscle contrator and magnessium is a muscle relaxor. So you might have better results with magnessium. There is a product called Mama Calm it is magnesium citrate. It is safe for nursing. It will probablly help with your leg cramps and possiblly help with your little ones tummy. Since you said the diapers have gone from 3-4 a day down to 1. I wonder if constipation plays a roll. Magnessium is a natural laxative, if you overdose you get the runs. Nothing else happens.

Good luck and I hope things get better soon for you.

 

[coffeemama]

1.
Ok-get a carrier for your babe! Not a Bjorn or a Snuggli, but pouch or a wrap or something similar. Check here for help on that-babywearing can make your baby's tummy troubles so much better. http://www.thebabywearer.com/

2.
Please avoid listening to outdated opinions on caring for your baby. I am not discounting mothers who have raised babies, but the info. out there on breastfeeding, sleeping, ect. is SO much better than it was 15-20 years ago.

3.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with co-sleeping, especially for breastfed babies.

4.
Don't stop breastfeeding. My baby was extremely colic ridden, and I cut out all my dairy intake (ALL) and she made a 180. It is very, very rare that a baby is actually "allergic" to mama's milk-doctors use this line all the time, but it's a crock. Breastmilk is the best most complete food you can feed your baby, and until 12 months of age, should be the main part of your baby's diet. My dd was exclusively breastfed until she was 11 months, and never, ever had rice cereal. It's not that good for them anyway.

5.
Check out this website-it had loads of info. for you, it has been invaluable to me during pregnancy, infancy, and toddlerhood.
http://www.mothering.com/discussions/

Hang in there mama-it will get better, and you're doing great!!!