In law rant...

chickensducks&agoose

Songster
11 Years
Aug 28, 2008
2,917
22
191
New England.. the cold part.
My husband is in afghanistan. his family lives an hour from me and the kids. His family consists of his step-dad, his 1/2 brother, and his step dad's parents. We were invited to my husbands stepdad's sister's birthday party at the grandparents house. anyway, I wasn't sure I wanted to go, but then i heard that GMIL was expecting us to show, so, since the kids like the entire family there, I said okay. Drove over there, and the crowd was kind of large, but I had nobody to talk to. the kids were all playing together, the other 2 ladies about my age were talking in a corner, and I tried to chat with them, and they literally ignored every single thing I said. Not on purpose rude I don't think, but just not interested. everyone else had paired up and were having little conversations, and one guy kept trying to force duck pate on me.. I'm a veg, and keep pet ducks... so....
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... anyway, so I sat on the couch for an hour, until GMIL said it was time for my kids to eat spaghetti (ALONE)... so i had a small paper plate of spaghetti with them, and then they announced that the cake they made was covered in nuts (again, same deal last time) and since my boy is allergic to nuts, i just said, "okay, that's totally fine, we have to leave anyway", and I drove home in the dark and the rain. we're expected to go up for X-mas, but WOW, am I sick of being alone.
 

WriterofWords

Has Fainting Chickens
13 Years
Dec 25, 2007
13,212
64
406
Chaparral, New Mexico
Find a polite way of turning them down or say something like: "Since my son has food allergies it just best we don't go that way you won't even have to think about omitting nuts from your food. Also since I have no one to talk to that I have anything in common with I imagine you would be more comfortable not having to worry about that". In-laws are hard, I never did them very well,,, but when they were rude or purposely did something I had no qualms about firing back. When it's an honest mistake I ignored it, if it happened more than once, it's not a mistake anymore.
 

redhen

Kiss My Grits...
Premium Feather Member
11 Years
May 19, 2008
35,106
196
458
Western MA
Quote:
I agree..
I dont think that i'd go again without my DH... no point to it really.
 

chickensducks&agoose

Songster
11 Years
Aug 28, 2008
2,917
22
191
New England.. the cold part.
thanks, it really, really feels like they just don't care enough to DO anything to be helpful, and will just do whatever they want to do, regardless of food allergies or the fact that they brought a bitey dog, and make my kids eat alone in the kitchen... i just feel bad saying NO, but am miserable saying yes... ugh. At least when DH is there, I have SOMEONE to talk to... or someone I can FORCE to talk to me.
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chickensducks&agoose

Songster
11 Years
Aug 28, 2008
2,917
22
191
New England.. the cold part.
NO, i don't know what the deal is... we're not REAL relatives... I am assuming that the GMIL is trying to feed my kids before it gets too late, but then, I have to eat, unless I want to eat with the other people, at whatever time they all stop drinking, 8 or 9, and then drive my 3, 5 and 7 year olds home in the dark in the rain for an HOUR.... so we all ate quick, then sang the birthday song, and left... ugh.
 

PineappleMama

Songster
10 Years
Nov 23, 2009
5,731
22
244
Deep In The Left Atrium Of TX
Yeah, I'd beg off. You and yours don't seem to get anything positive out of it, but you get plenty of negative.

Emphasis on your alone-ness... isolation... etc for you...
Not even able to eat the food for two of you...
And you have to sit there fretting that if you say anything to improve the situation that it'd cause problems.

Seems the negatives far outweigh the positives... so it falls into Self Defense to say no thanks.

I donno how that applies to Christmas... that's a hard one... but for a spouse's step's sister's birthday... when he can't even attend... no, no way would I have gone. Maybe mail a card, show you care... or a phone call to say Happy Birthday... but that's as far as I'd go... and that'd be just for DH's sake/family relations.
 

Cindiloohoo

Quiet as a Church Mouse
11 Years
Dec 19, 2009
7,471
56
326
Southwest TN
My inlaws often disregard DD's food allergies
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We send food with her now, and tell her if she comes home swollen, she'll not go back for a good long while. This is AFTER she came back with her face the size of a basketball 3 times in a row...because FIL gave her Little Debbie's
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Take them some food. The cousins always want DD's food now when they're over, because she has the "good stuff"
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I send enough she can share
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