It's official, I hate that dog.

[Chickie'sMoma]

i'd say to rehome the bf and KEEP the dog. it just takes some time to retrain a dog to understand you. if the bf hasn't gotten used to you and your requests for household help he probably has you trained to what he wants and you just haven't noticed it much.

i've found that if i'm the one getting upset over the dishes being left in the sink the 3rd day after my dh was asked politely to keep on top of it. that i am the one who is trained to put them in the dishwasher or take care of putting them away (dh is jobless and is home all day long searching for jobs and playing games online while i am working full time.

)

 

[Bettacreek]

As far as the boyfriend issue, he's definately rough around the edges. However, he is a good man, and good to me. He needs to shed some of the issues he had created with his ex-wife and during bachelorism. I do have to say that he tries (and succeeds) when I point out something. It's a working relationship, but, it does take WORK.

 

[bagendhens]

just be sure he is actually good to you and not just blinded.

my last relationship was exactly the way yours sounds...
it was all well and good untill i voice an opinion...or in his case, i told his kid what to do, and hed undermine me at every turn.
if she misbehaved id give her a time out of send her to her room, the moment hed walk in shed tell him (5yrs old) and id get told i cant treat her that way, or hed imediatly tell her "well im home now and its ok, you dont have to be in your room anymore..." or if it was a case of a temper tantrum over the tv (she would watch tv form 7am-8pm) id turn the tv off...his imediate responce was to turn it back on...

but in all honesty, i put up with it because the rest of the time everything was fine and he was a "good man"

it wasnt untill we broke up that i saw what had actually happend...hed trained ME to pretty much shut up and do it...
id ask him to do the dishes...theyd sit in the sink for 3 days and id finally do it myself...
put away his laundry...it would sit in a pile untill i did it ect.

the undermining was just the most obvious thing he was doing and i subconsiously CHOSE to ignore the rest...

i think what the folks on this thread are trying to get through is...if the dogs THAT much of an issue, take a step back and see if its just the most obvious thing thats become the trigger...

 

[Bettacreek]

I do understand where people are coming from, truely I do. Thanks to my last relationship, I've learned that I can sometimes look at the worst things with rose colored glasses. Fortunately, the current boyfriend is a man who does improve himself if I have an issue with something he does/doesn't do. He's not the type to kiss your butt, but he'll definately change things that are wrong in my eyes. He's totally different from the ex. The ex wouldn't change anything, didn't give a hoot how I felt. The bf, like I said, isn't exactly a thornless rose garden, however, if he "acts up" and I say something, he usually takes a day to process everything and returns with an apology and tries to work things out so that we're both happy. Part of the issue is that I need to learn to speak up and tell him how I feel. With my ex, I couldn't do this or I'd get the crap beat out of me, so I learned to shut up and suck it up. So, I'm changing some things and the boyfriend changes things as well. It's not that he's some caveman jerk who has no care in the world about how I feel. Yes, he does say some ungodly thoughtless things, but he is getting better at that kind of thing, and we're BOTH working with the dog situation and the respect situation.

 

[redhen]

I think you'll be okay Betta...
you just ordered quail didnt ya? tee hee hee

 

[redhen]

the only concern i have is..
the dog....
you say that she will bite when jumping in when BF playing with the kids?
baad..baaaaad....i would not have that dog near my kids...
that dog would end up missing...
i'm serious...

 

[lemurchaser]

Look up the "Nothing in Life is Free" protocol for dogs. It's a great way to be a good leader for your dog without doing anything physical. Basically they have to earn everything they want in life. So "oh, you want to go for a walk?" you have the dog sit, "good girl" leash goes on. They don't sit, they just lose the good thing. So no "sit" I just say "Oops" and go sit down again. They can earn anything they value such as food, meals, playtime, attention, treats, toys, continuing a game, getting to go outside (my dogs value coming inside), car rides, belly rubs, whatever. If they don't listen, they don't get their rewarding thing. They can try again a few minutes later though. I've also found that having my dogs occasionally earn their dinner, kibble by kibble, is a fun way to practice training and tricks and the dogs love it.

 

[Bettacreek]

Quote:
Yup. That's why I have the rabbit. He didn't want ANY pets, said no to everything, then finally, gave in and said "if it makes you happy, get it". Now, he even helps feed the rabbit, lets it out to play, etc. He won't clean the cage, but hey, I can live with that, lol.

As far as the dog biting, she never goes after the kids, and is careful not to even scratch any of them. But, she will bite the adults.

Lemur, that's somewhat what I've been doing. I won't do anything without making her sit first. She even has to sit before going outside or I'll go out without her.

 

[terri9630]

Quote:
My cat did the same when I got married. She would pee on my husbands pillow every morning. I started locking her out of the bed room and she didn't like that. Now after 17 years everytime he sits down she is in his lap. I had him start feeding her canned food as a treat in the evenings and it changed her view of him. He was no longer a compeditor but a treat giver. I wouldn't do that much with a dog, but cats are a bit different. It took her longer than it took his dog, but everyone finally accepted that we were one big family. Hubbys dog (65#) used to crawl up in bed with us and push me off. Ever have that dream that you were falling? At least I didn't have a nightstand to hit my head on......

 

[terri9630]

Quote:
How is she with the kids when there is not an adult? Our old dog would get defensive of the kids if they thought someone was being to rough. She pinned down my father-in-law down one day because he was being very agressive toward our daughter when he was "playing" with her. Some dogs have that very strong mothering instinct and will want to "protect" young children. I had a Norwegian Elkhound that would protect ANY child. I had to keep him on a short leash when other people were around with their kids because he would get very upset if someone yelled at or spanked their kid. Not that spanking happens much anymore........