Lashing out, mostly out of disgruntledness

[The Chicken Lady]

It sounds like you're depressed...not necessarily clinically...but, you know, feeling down about the state of things in your life as they are.

I've come to a point in my life where I've realized that some people have a lot of really nice things and that's okay. I don't hate them for it. It's just how it is. They have what makes them happy, and I'm glad for them that they're able to enjoy it. Besides, I've also realized that a lot of people who have "stuff" are not that way because they were born into money, but because they've worked their hind ends off and are goal-oriented. I can't blame people for having qualities that have allowed them to remain successful.

Wishing bad things on other people ("I wish they'd get divorced," "I wish their fancy house would burn down!!") is just going to turn me into a malicious and hating person that no one wants to spend time with. It sounds like that is sort of happening to you -- jealously and envy are making you depressed, so in order to feel good, you're starting to put down people to make yourself feel better than them, and thus better about yourself.

In order to solve this problem, you need to change yourself, because you will never be able to change anyone else.

It sounds like you feel like you're stuck in a rut. Now is the time to make a move on some things to change your life. Make a list of the things you want to achieve in the next year, the next five years, the next ten years. Then, take one goal at a time and break it down. Decide what exactly you need to do to reach that goal. Don't work on everything at once. Pick one goal and work, work, work at it until you achieve it.

Hate your job? Go back to school. Even if you can only afford to take one class at a time (like me), you will be doing something toward your goals.

Hate where you live? Open a savings account and start saving for a down payment on a house.

Hate your friends? Drop some that you just can't stand and find new ones.

The problem with depression is that it makes us unmotivated to change the things that depress us. You may need to enlist your boyfriend or another person you trust to help motivate you or encourage you.

 

[calicokat]

Just leave facebook. You've identified the problem, once you unplug from FB these jealous feelings will fade.

The 20's are such a roller coaster! I find it unbelievable that we make so many life changing decisions during our most turbulant decade. Often choosing our career, spouse, and starting families. Most folks barely have a grasp on who they really are - let alone what's important, long term.

Don't let what others are doing, are aquiring, or are pretending to be influence you. You are comparing your insides (what you are feeling, thinking, wanting, etc.) to thier outsides (what you can see of their life.) You can rarely win that comparison.

And like someone else pointed out - you are only seeing what they want you to see, the best looking pieces of their life. Some of those "Great" lives might really include cheating or beating spouses, gambling addictions draining the family checkbook, infertility, drug addictions, etc. You just don't know because you are only seeing a blurb and a photo on FB, not their "real" life.

So, I would hope that you disconnect from FB and find a lot more contentment without all that distraction

And if all else fails, just know that by your 40's a lot of this won't matter so much -- it's a great part of life where you begin to care a little less about what outsiders are thinking and doing, and just enjoy you life - whatever it turns out to be!

 

[rodriguezpoultry]

Quote:

do you KNOW how many inconsiderate people we put up with HOURLY? Do you KNOW we stand up 8 hours per day with 2 breaks and a lunch that is timed almost to the second? Our arms are tired, our backs are sore, our feet have blisters and ache at all times. And we go back the next day to do it all over again.

Anyway, now that my rant is off.

When I get in your type of mood, I take a bubble bath. I also haven't been to facebook in FOREVER...and it seems to be working. I also play an online game where I can do what I want to do without fear or retribution since hey...it's a game. I mean, sure, you can't go into the forum and curse, but there are children on the game...

You need "me" time. Get away from EVERYTHING if you have to. Find a book and settle up for a few days. Daggum it...eat that Bunny Tracks ice cream and LIKE it...because the cashier had the decency to put it in with the rest of your cold stuff...

 

[Katy]

When I was younger (I'm 56 now) I used to go thru times I felt like you do and that was way before facebook...or even before I had a computer!! We farm and I stayed home with our kids so money has always been tight and I couldn't do a lot of what my friends were doing. Then one day I decided I was just making myself (and everyone around me) miserable...and was just wasting my life feeling that way. It just doesn't pay to make yourself unhappy over what someone else has...or what you don't have. Be happy with where you are in your life and with what you do have. Once you decide to enjoy your life and not worry about everyone else's, it's much, much easier to be a happy person.

 

[AHappychick]

stay away from face book, that's your first mistake. Keep in mind that money will not buy happiness. (and I can say this cause I have been both very poor and rather wealthy at different times in my life)

As for announcing your every move on face book, well what is the point, if these people spent more time living their lives then tweeting and posting about it they would get a lot more done.

A marble bathroom means nothing you still go into that bathroom to poop like every other bathroom.

Most of those big diamond people who can do nothing but say how good their lives are really not as happy as it seems.

Be glad that you alive, healthy and have a good BF work hard for the things you want and F-the rest

I have lost just about everything good in my life but still have my ds. I get jealous especially of couples that get to live out their lives together in happiness and bliss (I was once one of them) and when I am feeling that way I go to my farm, chooks or play with my ds till it passes. I also avoid leaving my home as much as possible and have spent the time making it a sanctuary for my ds and I

Sorry you are feeling this way

 

[kinnip]

I went through the same thing a couple of years ago. Don't try to think it through. Don't try to find the root of the problem. Picking at it won't make it better. Try to stay as busy as possible. Eventually, you'll just get tired of thinking about it.

 

[CityClucks]

Sorry Olli. I do know how you feel. Like others have suggested, try filling your mind, vision, thoughts with other things. When I was a kid my folks had a poem hanging on the wall - you've probably seen it - it has a lot of good points to remember and I hope it gives you some comfort. It's Desiderata by Max Ehrmann:

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

 

[AhBee01]

I hope you feel better soon, Step back and look at what you do have, I bet you will find that some people envy your life. Marble, diamonds, boats, big houses, etc. are all things that people can and are losing these days cuz they over spent.
I have a modest house, a few acres of land, my father gave me. My husband lost his job, and I have to venture out to the work force after being a stay at home mom for 10 years. We have kept our spending down, did a lot of our own work to keep costs down, and compared to some people we know are looked down on cuz we don't have much, on the other hand, some of the older folks in the neighborhood have stopped by, and admired our chickens, and other animals, and our garden and have said, we are preparing for a different time and you are heading in the right direction, you will need those skills sometime in the future.
I step back and feel blessed that I don't have all that stuff. We don't need a lot to keep what we have here,although we worry a lot we won't make it, but we are so much better off then some people we know. What will marble counter tops and big houses give them when they can't afford the things they have when the bill come in?
Have a check up and have your thyroid tested just to be sure there isn't some kind of imbalance going on. I know someone who was a walking time bomb, and here all along it was her thyroid.

 

[seismic wonder2]

BEFORE YOU THROW ROCKS REMEMBER I JUST WANT TO HELP!

Some of the things you mentioned raised my Nutritional Consultant Spidey Radar....
I've had a lot of training with hormones and how they effect the body and mind...
I know this is going to sound, um, sort of...ODD coming from a strange guy but....
Have you been checked for abnormal hormone levels?

No, I don't mean PMS, or PMT etc... I mean regular hormones that regulate your day to day moods. Just a slight change estrogin and testosterone levels can cause the sort of intolorance of any mildly irritating situations and rude outbursts that are "Not like you" that you describe.

Please mention your jealous feelings, mood swings, and any unusual outbursts to your DR. at your next "well women" checkup.

You may not be becomming "mean", you may just need to change your daily eating habits.

(Like taking two {B-Complex} Vitamins a day-one at breakfast and one at lunch)

 

[eggsforsale]

You all have given great advice. What a nice bunch of chicken people!! Everyone reaching out to help. "It don't get much better than this." There is hope for this world! Here's my two cents:
I don't like facebook. Sure it can be fun and you can reconnect with old friends. But in a way it is like going back to high school. I do not want to go back and do that again!!! Who in their right mind would? Facebook is not real. But again...facebook is not real. We are meant to live a real life not some virtual reality kind of thing where everyone and everything can paint some unrealistic life where only sunshine and lollipops exist. All my kids do facebook. I've told them I don't like it. I don't need it. I've also recently heard of more and more marriages being broke up by people reconnecting with old flames. Scary!! I think we need to live the life around us to the fullest. Focus on what is real.
That being said...I suggest you surround yourself with good, uplifting things. Uplifting books, music, etc. Make a list of your many blessings or a list of 100 things I like. Consciously do things that will put a smile on your face and bring feelings of peace. You have to choose to fight the negative thoughts and emotions. Sound like you want to do just that! Also, as for me...I need God and prayer. The knowledge that there is someone there for me that loves and cares about me no matter what my status, weight, looks, etc. etc. etc. Also, put yourself out there and help a neighbor, smile and say hi to someone, try to see if you can lift someone else today.
I know I am preaching...I always hated people preaching at me. Sorry about that. You sound like a wonderful person fighting a battle you really want to win. Just take this from someone who has fought the same battle you have. Depression, hurt, bitterness will drag you down to a real dark place. I hope to never go there again.
It's a new day!!! The sun is shining here and the birds are singing.. I sincerely wish you the best