Let's have a "crazy" neighbor contest!!

[Rosalind]

We're the crazies in our neighborhood. The lawn gets mowed, by use personally (not by a service), once a week, and I don't care about the crabgrass. Back lawn hasn't been mowed since DH cut down some trees back there, so it's meadow this year. We hang our laundry on the line in the backyard. Have motorcycle parties where we drink and go swimming in our birthday suits. DH is a tattoo artist and we have no children. I clean the house personally, I don't have a housekeeper. We currently need to re-paint the front part of the house that gets a lot of sun, but we're not dying of embarrassment about it or anything. I have a big veggie garden instead of grass in the backyard. Also, we're the only people in the neighborhood who weren't born with a silver spoon in our mouths but instead actually had to work for our education and money.

Craziest neighbors I ever had: possibly the entire town of Plymouth, PA. It's not a big town, they all qualified as our neighbors more or less. Conversation between our immediate neighbor and me:
Neighbor: How is school going?
Me: Oh, OK, I have to get a waiver because I don't have a HepB vaccination, and I can't afford to get it. Kind of a hassle.
Neighbor: Well, don't let them give you that AIDS vaccination! They inject it RIGHT HEEEERE (points to forehead) in your Third Eye so they can read your thoughts!!!!
Me: Uhhhh...You know, I don't think that's possible, the only HIV vaccines are still in trials yet...
Neighbor: Don't you no-no-no ME! I heard it on the news on Art Bell!

Conversation between me and the department of housing officer:
Me: See, the problem is, my bathtub is leaking and the house is really old, and right where it's leaking there is electrical wiring, not grounded or insulated, and it's a fire hazard on top of the water damage and mess from leaking. And I've talked to my landlord and he refuses to fix it, he just put a bucket under the leak.
DoH officer: Aww, that ain't nothin'. You oughtta see your neighbor's place, they got raw sewage running through their front yards just up the hill from you.
Me: Well, can't you issue a citation or something?
DoH officer: Honey, if we issued citations for everything like that, there wouldn't be anyplace in the whole county to rent.

Conversation between two of my neighbors, while I was unloading the moving truck while moving in:
Neighbor 1: Do you think that's a man or a woman?
Neighbor 2: You can't tell, with these longhaired hippies and their jeans.
(Did she think that I should unload a moving truck in heels, pearls and a Diane von Furstenberg wrap? Note also, I do in fact have a womanly bosom.)
Neighbor 1: Those can't possibly be boxes of books. No one reads that much.
Neighbor 2: These hippies, they move in and wreck your property values, you know! I'm calling the police! We don't have to put up with that!
*Neighbor 2 stomps into her house*
Neighbor 2: Well the police said they couldn't do anything about it! Do you believe that! Our property values are gonna go down, it's as good as stealing, and they won't do a thing!

 

[FlockEweFarm]

Rosalind wrote---Conversation between two of my neighbors, while I was unloading the moving truck while moving in:
Neighbor 1: Do you think that's a man or a woman?
Neighbor 2: You can't tell, with these longhaired hippies and their jeans.
(Did she think that I should unload a moving truck in heels, pearls and a Diane von Furstenberg wrap? Note also, I do in fact have a womanly bosom.)
Neighbor 1: Those can't possibly be boxes of books. No one reads that much.
Neighbor 2: These hippies, they move in and wreck your property values, you know! I'm calling the police! We don't have to put up with that!
*Neighbor 2 stomps into her house*
Neighbor 2: Well the police said they couldn't do anything about it! Do you believe that! Our property values are gonna go down, it's as good as stealing, and they won't do a thing!

Oh My Gooodness! I thought I was the only one! The thing is, we were here first in our cruddy trailer house, with our baying hounddogs, our yard that gets mowed once a season, and the various critters that live on the place, and all the snooty people bought land around us and built their million dollar mcmansions and then have the nerve to gripe. Every single time they try to cause me problems, I add something that is more anti-snoot. I have hounddogs, chickens, goats, clothesline, and my latest addition is a GNOME garden in the front yard that has a very large RON PAUL support sign in it, if I get more dirty looks I will start adding pink plastic flamingos. I have 6 cans of super hideous paint that I can paint every single outbuilding with, and even the house if need be. If my evil neighbor yells at my kid again, he will have 10 fly bags full of butric acid directly upwind of his patio for the rest of this season.
My ex-husband is a metalsmith and a sculptor, and I design large installation art as a hobby, maybe it is time to open a forge in the side yard. My doc tells me that I need an channel for all of my rage and anger that I have over my injury and unresolved issues with having to give up my career as a result, perhaps I have found an outlet??

 

[maplesky7]

That's rude.

I'm sorry you live by morons.

me,
g

 

[BayCityBabe]

Years ago, the neighbors complained (frequently) that we were letting our youngsters (ages 4 and 6) play "near the property line" or within 15 ft. of their flower beds. There were no issues of trespass or damage. They just hated the thought that the kids "might" do something. I supervised my kids closely. They never did anything wrong (at least in that regard!) I even caught Mrs. Neighbor waiting for me to go inside for more lemonade and walking onto MY PROPERTY to give the kids a talking to. At one point, Mr. Neighbor punctuated a rant with the comment: "if you cannot control your kids, you're worthless." My neighbors' comments just drove a wedge. We quit talking to them & vice versa.
Fast forward a couple of years: I caught Neighbor, Jr. (age 17) trying the door to my out building in broad daylight. I calmly addressed him through an open window: "Step on my property again & I will call the sheriff." I DIDN'T NEED TO CALL THE SHERIFF. By the next week, Junior was in custody for burglary. He ended up doing two stints in prison - one charge was killing a guard dog during the commission of a felony.
Nice people, nice family, eh? The yard is perfect, the house is charming and they are just trash is my opinion. They are 'empty nesters' now because their youngest is living with relatives.
Words come back to haunt: "If you cannot control your kids, you're worthless." They needed to spend more time parenting & less time judging others.

 

[BayCityBabe]

Calamityjen needs to make a giant sculpture - something adult - missile shaped...

 

[FlockEweFarm]

Bay, my evil neighbor accused my eldest son of harassing his dogs and inciting them to bark at my dogs who then barked at his dogs barking at them! He yelled at my kids to ,"Get the #$#% away from the fence!" and has tried to terrorize my kids out of using that side of the property all together. I swear, the guy is a mental case, and even his own kids never come to see him if that gives you any clue what kind of charmer he is. All of the neighbors have bets on when his poor wife will finally have enough of the beatings and shoot him. I have dared him to hit me, with a smile on my face....he just stomped back home.
I like the sculpture idea, and I have sketched something of that nature....

The sign for my coop will probably send him over the edge, once I get it made.

 

[fullhouse]

The pain in the rear 20 something, doing nothing with her life but mooching and sleeping all day, kid next door screams "GOOD MORNING" and slams closed windows at 10:30 am weekdays. Apparently I should not take the kids out to play until her majesty sleeps off her hangover.

 

[sundance]

After reading this thread all I can say is THANK GOD I LIVE IN THE WOODS WITH NO NEIGHBORS BUT MY DD marrie

 

[purr]

forgot about this one before,
I have a neighbor 2 houses down on the other side of the street. The whole family live there they are packed like sardines.This is a small town we've known their family and they have known ours all our lives. They are actually like 3rd cousins anyway, It's the wife husband ,3 boys and her mother and father and his mother, so DD was friends with the boys the oldest was her age and they went to school together. I let DD go over to ride her bike across the street in the neighbors driveway an elderly couple that were very nice.And told all the kids they could ride there.
Well the husband's mother comes running out of her house and starts screaming at my daughter to go home and leave her grandsons alone and then calls her a who@# . She was 9 and she wasn't even in their yard.
DD comes into the house crying her eyes out.She takes after her father very tender hearted I wouldn't have put up with that at 3.
So I start out the door and head over there and she's is in her car headed my way. So I flagged her down and told her in no uncertain terms how she should be speaking to a 9yr old.
To this day that woman smiles and waves everytime she sees me and DD says all they could talk about for weeks is how terrified their grandmother was of me
To tell the truth I don't even remember what I said to her cause I get mad , literally see red and start making threats.
When I was younger you didn't get a threat I just started throwing punches. I've evolved!

 

[dacjohns]

jen, I hope I never get on your bad side.

The bagpipes are great. I love bagpipes. It must be my Scottish heritage.