Major Parent Fail by Me.

[CrazyChickieMama]

First of all, thanks for "listening" to me vent. I don't really post on here, I just lurk. But today I feel completely defeated as a parent. A complete and utter failure.

Oy, have you ever felt like you failed your kid? Like it's your fault they have struggled for so long because of some misplaced pride, like people would think less of you for having a child with issues? Because that's how I feel right now...

My son (who's 8 yrs old) has struggled in school since kindergarten. He won't sit still, is constantly talking, getting in trouble, not finishing assignments, you name it, he does it. He tries so hard to pay attention in class, listen and follow directions but it just seems like he can't!

He goes to a year round charter school. This week alone he has been on red 3 times, yellow once and green once. It's only the 2nd week of school and he has only been on green 3 times. I think the longest amount of time he has stayed on green since kindergarten is 2, maybe 3 weeks. SINCE KINDERGARTEN!!!!

The other side of that is, if it's something he really enjoys, I have no problems getting him to focus and pay attention.

I'm at my wits end. I called my mom crying because I don't want him to be labeled as "AD/HD", but then again, if he is, I'm going to feel terrible for just thinking it was him being a boy for the past 3 years.

I'm going to the school on Monday to see if I can get an appointment ASAP with the counselor and his teacher. Maybe they'll have some input on this. Then, if they suggest it, I'll make an appointment with his doc.

Please tell me I'm not horrible for not doing this sooner...I thought he would get better. That he would all of a sudden just change. Ugh.

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

You know what? Parenting does not come with a manual. yet it comes with far TOO many books and people telling what you should do.

I struggled with my daughter and the same problem of bringing attention to a problem versus labeling my child. I wish it weren't so, but its real.

You're doing the best you can every day by your child. If it had been an obvious choice the school would have been nagging at you a while ago. 8 years old is when I put my foot down and said, "This is a problem." And oddly the school told me no. They said she was fine just an average struggling student and I KNEW it was more. So I insisted she be tested and sure enough she was not average anything! She was a very bright child with very severe dyslexia.

You love your son every day and do what you think is best for him and you are a good parent no matter how many mistakes you may make.

 

[Elite Silkies]

My son is ADHD, Bipolar, Borderline Personality Disorder and ODD. Do I care if people think less of me because my son battles life on a daily basis? HECK NO!! He is my son, and I am PROUD and lucky to have him in my life. It's only our fault if we neglect the treatment they may need.

Getting your child help should not be a "proud" issue in my opinion.

 

[stargazingmommy]

Noooo not a parenting fail. I felt the same after oldest child was diagnosed on the autism spectrum at 15, and schizophrenic. I knew when she was a lot younger that she was different.
DD 2 just spent 2 months in a cast total non weight bearing ...for a 2 yr old fracture and torn ligaments that failed to heal ...after I kept telling her to suck it up its growing pains (she had been to the docs and had xrays shortly after it happened, and physical therapy...diagnosed with a bad sprain. 2 yrs later they referred her to a podiatrist. Who did an MRI )

 

[SarahFair]

You know... I was the kind that couldnt sit still, mind wonder, couldnt listen...
I wanted to, I REALLY did.. just couldnt.


Even if something intrests me I still have a hard time sometimes focusing for long periods of time.
Some people just learn different.


My parents seemed to think it was always my fault..
Dont feel bad

I KNOW I am going to have problems with my youngest.

 

[CrazyChickieMama]

His teacher in kindergarten told me about 3 weeks into school he had ADD, but she had issues with not being able to control the class and did not come back the next year. So I put that down to "she just couldn't handle it".

1st grade, his teacher was awesome and tried everything to help him pay attention, moving his desk next to hers, giving him special assignments (like helping pass out papers, sharpening pencils, etc). Nothing helped. I think he might have been on green the most with her.

2nd grade, he struggled in math, reading, spelling, pretty much every subject. It wasn't that he didn't understand what he was assigned, or had issues reading the directions, he just wouldn't sit still long enough to finish anything. He was constantly having to stay behind at recess to finish work. I would get notes saying he had 20 mins, 30 mins, etc. to finish this assignment and didn't do it. But if I sat next to him while doing his homework, he would have it done in 5-10 mins! With no help other then constantly telling him to focus, quit looking at that, quit messing with that. His teacher suggested we get him tested, but I wasn't keen on it.

Today, he got in trouble for pretending to stab himself with his pencil to get a laugh out of his friends and for talking during a spelling test. I'm just happy she didn't give him an "F" on the test. But the kid behind him was asking what he was doing after school and he proceeded to have a conversation with him. I know in that instance, it's not completely his fault. But he is always getting his color pulled for not paying attention, getting out of his seat when he's not supposed to, talking when the teacher is...

The school gets stricter and stricter about proper behavior as they move up in grades. I'm worried that by the time 4th grade rolls around, he won't be allowed to go there if something isn't figured out. You only get so many times on blue or purple before they kick you out. If he's on red a lot now, it's only one color away from blue. If his behavior keeps up, he will start getting blue.

Thankfully, they are awesome about working with the parents and trying to solve issues and problems the students might have. Without immediately labeling them. We'll see how it goes!

 

[Tartannik]

Slightly different but my daughter is 13 and we just realised she is a terrible speller, turns out she needed glasses and is probably dyslexic!!! How bad do i feel???? i have 4 children, and luckily as my youngest (8) seemed to have the same problems as my daughter i got him tested and low and behold he needs glasses and is probably dyslexic too, we are just waiting on results!!!!
So, no you are so not a bad mum, we do our best for our kids and thats all we can do!

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

With the exception of 1st grade, it seems like he has not been in a situation that was right for him. Different kids succeed in different environments. Some kids need to change gears every few minutes; others do much better when allowed long periods of time between transitions. Some do better in larger classes, others in smaller ones. Some kids need stimulation; others suffer from over-stimulation. It sounds like he needs more individual attention (usually a smaller class), less stimulation, and probably different amounts of time than "standard" for each topic.

With your school, explore different options they may have. Try to develop a rapport with his teacher and work with him/her to make this a successful year for you son. A change in teachers may help, though.

 

[Stacykins]

A proper ADHD diagnosis can't be made until a child is at least seven. You did not fail him! And you are trying to find a solution to help him the best.

 

[MamaRoo]

Have you tried changing his diet? Some kids are sensitive to gluten, casein, food dyes, etc. Sensitivities can show up as behavioral issues.