Married BYCers

[AmazinglyBlessed]

Quote:
The other side of that is, don't take her out for expensive meals during the courtship/dating if you aren't up for it during the marriage.
Be real about money. Talk about it.
Talk about religion, or lack thereof. If you don't agree, chances are, it will get worse when/if kids come along.
Speaking of which, talk about kids. How many? Discipline?

Get to know her mom and his dad. There's a really good chance Mr/Miss Right will turn out to be like them.

Get to know her dad and his mom. This is what they'll expect you to be.

Drugs...including tobacco and alcohol. Do you agree on their usage? Do your definitions agree? "A drink or two" to you many mean one or two beers, to him/her, it may mean one or two cases. Do you want to kiss an ashtray? Does she?

 

[soonerdog]

My wife and I have been married for 21 years. We rarely argue but when we do we each stand our ground for our point of view. Through it all, we have vowed never to belittle each other with name calling. I guess just our way of a respectful disagreement.
I remember my dad telling me before I married that a marriage is not always 50/50 in every circumstance. Sometimes a marriage is 50/50 but rarely. Everyone should strive for the 50/50 marriage, each one meeting the other at the half way point. Dad warned that sometimes a marriage is 5/95, or 60/40, or 20/80, or 1/99, one has to learn to make it through all situations by giving and taking. Whatever the percentage, love, commitment, and respect for each other will survive.

 

[gapeachy]

dont look for the other one to complete you.....you are complete without them.....

 

[CoyoteMagic]

Honesty--if you can't be honest with the one you have married, you shouldn't be married.

Don't give up your independence.---I married the man, I wasn't sold to him. I have my friends, he has his, we have ours. I love to go backpacking and hiking. He couldn't imagine sleeping on the ground! If he trys to control who you can see and talk to, RUN!!!!

Know when to shut up!---keeping an arugement going just because you think you are right gets you nowhere. Come back and discuss why you think you are right when you have both calmed down.

Laugh---even in bed. Life is too short not to have fun along the way. I told my husband when we started going out that when it quit being fun 51% of the time would be the time that it was over.

We never leave each other, hang up the phone, or go to bed without saying I love you.

It will be 16years on Valentines Day for me

 

[pdsavage]

There is just to much to tell all I can say is DON'T DO IT......
If your not happy with yourself how can someone be happy with someone else.

 

[mamabird]

Make sure you love him...even if you don't always like him.

Make sure you both want the same things for the future - kids, place to live, careers, stuff - if your wants and goals aren't similar, that isn't going to change after you are married.

Want a real test for the relationship - REMODEL!

If you can remodel a house (especially while living in it), and not want to KILL each other - that is a good sign.

Don't forget who YOU are before you become part of a 'WE'

Pick your battles, and laugh a LOT!

 

[HennysMom]

Hmm.. maybe I'm the oddball - but I believe you should live together BEFORE you get married - so you can see how each other really are 24/7. Too many people only see the "cutesy" side of a person - want to see the real me? LOL - LIVE with me first...wake up with me, see me when I dont feel good, when I come home from work after a long hard day in not so good a mood and see if you can handle me then

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Be honest - be open. Love each other but dont ENGULF each other - each person needs their private time and space. The old addage "absense make the heart grow fonder" is so very true.

Learn that men and women do not communicate the same way - ever. Learn that the words "could you" "can you" and "would you" and "will you" are separate and distinct words to a man - and imply very different things if you want something done! (ask any man... they'll tell you the same). Could you help me dear? (yes I [i]could[/i] but you sound like my mother right now") "Can you help me dear?" (Yes I can - but I dont want to") "Will/Would you help me dear?" (Yes I will/would because you asked and didnt order me).

To a woman - Can/Could/Would/Will are all the same thing.. to a man.. they are very different - I asked every man I know if this was the case when I posed this question and they all said YEP! Also tone makes a difference....

Any men out here think otherwise? I'd be very interested in your answers LOL

Learn to argue constructively and dont say things in anger - they will come back and bite you in the end

 

[beak]

Quote:
That's so sad. I've heard it a lot though. We've been married 23 years. Yes there have been a lot of rough spots, but when I think of life without my other half it tears me up. There's a soul partner out there for everyone. The trick is finding them. I just stumbled into mine.

 

[gumpsgirl]

My MIL was married three times and none of her marriages ended up lasting. So when my DH and I got married, she asked a friend of hers that had been married forever what piece of advice she could give us. He told her that the thing that had made their marriage last, was that they never expect anything from each other. If the there is a mess in the house that is bugging you, clean it up! Don' expect your spouse to do it! If the grass is to long and you can't stand looking at it, then mow it! If the car is dirty and needs to be washed, then wash it! You can avoid many fights if you don't expect things out of your spouse. I have found this to be so true! If there are no expectations, then you won't have anything to fight about.

BTW - My DH and I have been happily married for 15 years now! This will be our 16th!

 

[onthespot]

What if you handed him your checkbook and credit cards today, and told him you wanted them back in a year and were not going to look at the statements until the year was up? Would you trust him enough to do that? Marriage is a business deal as much as anything else. Build your own credit score in your OWN name, and tally up the bills together. Run a credit check on the other person. If they don't want you to, RUN, Forrest! All the love in the world will not overcome bad financial habits. Makes no difference if your combined yearly income is ten thousand or ten million. Live within your means and NEVER buy on credit, except to build credit, ironically. If you want clothes. Pay for them. If you want a better washing machine, save up some money. Credit cards and lay-away will eat you alive if you make a habit of it. Don't be afraid to run a credit check on him after you are married if you ever think money is not adding up. Do your bills together every month. If you can do all that, you probably won't have to worry about going to bed angry or not.