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I finally said something to my mother about "Quit asking me; work on my brother and his wife." She began going on about how even if my bro and his wife have kids, she'll never see them because they're out in California and besides, his wife is weird anyway and isn't too keen on his/my family. Sis-in-law and my mother had it out at her wedding shower ... a very elaborate, fancy at a yacht club wedding shower. My mother mentioned that it was a bit extravagant and that HER wedding shower took place in my grandfather's basement. Since we're Polish American, EVERYTHING important in a Detroit-Polack's life took place in a basement in Hamtramck. Brother's wife/fiancee was quite appalled.
My mother had problems with all of her pregnancies, btw. I'm the oldest, she had preeclampsia, I was induced and it took over 40 hours to give birth to me. The child after me died at 13 weeks gestation, not only that but she woke up during the D & C. She conceived almost immediately after that, gave birth to a weak child prematurely who died shortly after birth. Then almost immediately after that got pregnant with my brother. He ended up being over 10 lbs and was born in 4 hours. You would think that she would be a little more sympathetic, but she knows I'm in my early thirties and probably figures that this "is HER last chance."
Any rate, DBF's mother is actually being quite understanding and helpful. He doesn't talk with his mother much, but he spent some time with her after my miscarriage and found out that she had one too, which he never knew about (it happened when he was about 2 yrs old). She had conceived twins and said only "there was a complication" but this was in the early 1970s so the medical tech wasn't what it is today.
In a way, I'm glad that it was *kinda* natural in that my bleeding began on its own. At least that way I knew it was over rather than no symptoms and then having a D&C. I think both DBF and I would be wondering otherwise. He noted last weekend that I seemed happier, at which I felt guilty but had to admit that the pregnancy was causing me so much stress (I was constantly sick from week 6 to week 10--and this was sickness on top of morning sickness and unlike other women, I got no relief from nausea in the evenings, it was a 24/7 thing) and then the stress of losing it, I admitted, "I'm just glad it's all over." He even said that he was feeling some relief about it, and I know he feels guilty about it. I tried getting him to talk about it one night--he's normally pretty laid back but he seemed out of sorts--and he finally blurted out, "Our baby died! There's nothing we can do about it." After that he said that he was also a bit relieved but shouldn't feel that way. He started his new job last Friday and has been keeping himself busy clearing trees to bring the horses home on his days off, so I think he's dealing in hiw own way.
Though not together, we each have a daughter. It's enough for us.
My mother had problems with all of her pregnancies, btw. I'm the oldest, she had preeclampsia, I was induced and it took over 40 hours to give birth to me. The child after me died at 13 weeks gestation, not only that but she woke up during the D & C. She conceived almost immediately after that, gave birth to a weak child prematurely who died shortly after birth. Then almost immediately after that got pregnant with my brother. He ended up being over 10 lbs and was born in 4 hours. You would think that she would be a little more sympathetic, but she knows I'm in my early thirties and probably figures that this "is HER last chance."
Any rate, DBF's mother is actually being quite understanding and helpful. He doesn't talk with his mother much, but he spent some time with her after my miscarriage and found out that she had one too, which he never knew about (it happened when he was about 2 yrs old). She had conceived twins and said only "there was a complication" but this was in the early 1970s so the medical tech wasn't what it is today.
In a way, I'm glad that it was *kinda* natural in that my bleeding began on its own. At least that way I knew it was over rather than no symptoms and then having a D&C. I think both DBF and I would be wondering otherwise. He noted last weekend that I seemed happier, at which I felt guilty but had to admit that the pregnancy was causing me so much stress (I was constantly sick from week 6 to week 10--and this was sickness on top of morning sickness and unlike other women, I got no relief from nausea in the evenings, it was a 24/7 thing) and then the stress of losing it, I admitted, "I'm just glad it's all over." He even said that he was feeling some relief about it, and I know he feels guilty about it. I tried getting him to talk about it one night--he's normally pretty laid back but he seemed out of sorts--and he finally blurted out, "Our baby died! There's nothing we can do about it." After that he said that he was also a bit relieved but shouldn't feel that way. He started his new job last Friday and has been keeping himself busy clearing trees to bring the horses home on his days off, so I think he's dealing in hiw own way.
Though not together, we each have a daughter. It's enough for us.
