Mom doesn't acknowledge that I have a job - what would you say?

[tricia]

I wonder is it's a generation thing. It seems that there are a lot of older ones that don't seem to grasp the whole 'working from home' idea.

I disagree very much with the 'cut the cord' comment. Thats not what it's about. I would think it is a majority of people that still like the approval of their family. Or acceptance/understanding at least.

Lengel, I wish I had some good advice, but all I can offer is support.

 

[pdsavage]

Just say mom i love you but the subject of my familys income is off limits.And any time you bring it up ill switch the subject.I refuse to discuss it with you,if you insist ill have to say goodbye and hang up or leave.

 

[fullhouse]

Quote:
I'm in kinda the same boat and no one understands. :aww

OP: Just tell her you are OK financially, beyond that is private.

 

[Nichole77]

I like the idea of the yearly income. That should appease her.

 

[Mini Coop]

Quote:
I need to ask you a question and I'm very serious. When you say "cut the cord", do you mean that I shouldn't care about what she says?

This is very important for me. We do not have a traditional parent/child relationship.

Perhaps create some emotional distance since your mother's comments to you are disturbing you enough to post this thread here. Can you set some limits with your mother?

 

[farmgirlie1031]

My grandparents don't think I have a job since I have 2 university degrees and sit at home all day on the computer. I lost my job due to the fact I came down with a real bad flu and missed too much work last winter. Anyways...I am currently looking for a part-time job away from home but my mother also told my grandparents to back off because I do have a job now also and am not just living at home free. She said my job is to help her and be a starving artist/photographer. I couldn't believe she backed me up.

 

[ruth]

I understand what you're feeling - we all want our parents love, respect, and approval. We would all love to hear "I'm proud of you." Unfortunately for many of us that comes seldom if at all.

I too have a work from home business and after 15 years my mother has no real understanding of what I do and if asked says "something with computers". However, she knows I make a lot of money and travel the world and does tell me she's proud of me. That means a lot to me because all of my life I sought to please my abusive mother. It took nearly 50 years.

In your mother's case - next time she visits - take the time and show her what you do. Say "Mom, I know you don't really understand what it is I do so let me show you." Then tell her, "If it makes you feel better, I make $XX a year doing this and I get to be home to tend to my home, kids, garden, chickens, (fill in the blank) and still make $XX". I'm sure after that she will have a better understanding and appreciation.

Many older people have NO concecpt of computers, internet, and cyperspace.

For example, as a side line I do websites for small businesses and shops. One elderly retail shop owner I was talking to said "I would love to have a website for our shop but I can't because I don't own a computer." Another once said "Everyone keeps telling me I need to put my bills in my computer and pay them with the computer. Where am I supposed to insert the bills??" I kid you not.

 

[ams3651]

I have people ask me how my business is going, Ive only been at it like 3 months and they dont realize it takes a long time. But I agree that its better to stop looking for approval to those that wont give it. When I got my chicks I had to stop at my dads and give him something from the car and he told me I wouldnt get anywhere with them. That day I thanked my boyfriend for supporting me in my project and appologized for my being negative sometimes because I had just realized where I got it from. So I just dont mention it to my dad. I talk about it with those who support me. Just tell her its going well when she asks.

 

[rooster-red]

I guess I'm just the odd one out here.

If a situation works for me and no one else is paying my bills, then why would I need their approval?

I understand that this is Mom we are talking about, but I haven't needed her approval on anything since I turned 18 and moved out on my own.

Its nice when She does approve of what I'm doing, but it is far from critical to my emotional wellbeing.

I am who I am, I'm not going to change, take it or leave it and my Mom knows this and is fine with it.

My Mom does things that I don't approve of, but thats ok, if it works for her then its fine. Everyone has to live their own life.

Maybe I'm just cut from different cloth?

This is in no way ment to be critical of the OP, hope it is not taken that way.

 

[ole-crone]

Rooster, you're not the odd one out. I think I agree with you. I get the feeling that there is always more to these tales than we hear. Just like I carefully type and re-type so make this sound the best, the original comments probably were as well.

I'm not putting anyone down here - just giving another point of view - the mother's.

When I got married, my brother gave me the best advice. He said to "not run home everytime you have problems and complain to Mom".

Good advice. We're parents, we worry. We'll hold a grudge against an in-law longer than they do against each other. The same goes with money. If we know about all of your little money problems, we'll worry about the big ones around the corner and try to protect you and head them off.

Having been married to a guy with a home business, I've been there. It doesn't matter if you work at a factory or at home, if you make X amount of dollars one month and that is enough to hold you throughout the year, as long as you budget it to last - that is fine.

However, if you work at the factory and you get laid off for a few months or if you work at home and have nothing coming in for a few months - just like the factory - you are laid off. Except, the guys at the factory might qualify for unemployment insurance.

Mom is going to worry. It isn't that you are employed at a home business, it might be that she is worried you are out of work.

My dh decided that he didn't make enough in his home business to support the family and have insurance, etc. so he decided to let it go. Too bad, I thought it was starting to pick up but I think he wanted the safety net of a regular paycheck and insurance.

So to all of you complaining that mom just doesn't understand computers - it isn't computers - it's money. Down is down whether your home business is using a computer or cutting trees.

If you don't tell her about the down times she won't know about them. If you only tell her what a great job you are doing at home, that's what she'll hear.

Someone else mentioned having a mother who questions their money use whenever they have to ask for help - afterall payday is only every two weeks. That happens. Most people budget their income to last between checks. If you don't have to ask for money they'll have nothing to complain about. Ignorance is bliss. My mother in law likes to say that at least her sons were thoughtful enough to not let her know they weren't perfect teenagers. The same goes with money. If you blew it - don't ask mom to bail you out and you won't have to listen to her. Think twice when you get paid again.

I never ask my children how much money they make. Once they are out on their own, that is their business, not mine. If they need more money, they'll find a way to make it. We've never been asked to help to make ends meet. Our kids all learned to live within their income. They like to say that they learned what not to do from watching their parents struggle to pay bills.

So don't take Rooster's 'cut the cord' so negatively.

IF averaging your income will make Mom happy - so be it! If it doesn't, then you'll just have to tell her that you don't want to discuss your business or money. As long as you don't bring it up, your mom needs to learn to leave you alone.