My best friend has depression and i don't know if i can help

[Jemma Rider]

I guess I’m like you Jemma, I’ve never been a people person, I prefer to spend my time with my animals more than people. But in the past 3 years I have really made some very close and real friends. I never had that many friends when I was little. Up until 11th grade I would go to school, interact with my classmatess and that would be it. When I transferred to a new school that all changed. The people in my class were super nice and welcoming and I found myself actually forming friendships with my classmates. I’m still not much of a people person and I have a small ground of genuine friends (probably around 20). I still keep in touch with them even after high school. Yes it’s hard not having someone who shares the same likes and interests about you, but you will find your group of genuine friends.

Maybe one day, there aren't a lot of people who share my interests, i hope I'll have true friends one day, so far my life has just been one messed up friendship after the other since the moment i started school. I'm sort of just the weird one people keep around for comic relief and the occasional joke at my expense. It doesn't bother me though, I'm always the best through my pets eyes and now i guess that's all that really matters to me.
I'm starting to think that i just belong in a different age group because the people i get along with most are this one five year old that reminds me of myself and my moms adult friends. I guess teenagers are just weird, i think i grew out of it a bit faster i think my animals ground me, but i think i belong with a more stable group. It's fine with me now, my mom will be my best friend for a while. One thing for sure my life is going to be a lot less stressful once i manage to leave all of this behind. I'm getting ahead of myself but i genuinely feel lighter since i managed to explain some things to my friend, i think maybe I'll be able to find new people to hang around now, new friends will be cool, maybe I'll find somebody who likes chickens and lizards too, that might be wishful thinking but then again I've always been a dreamer

 

[Brahma Chicken5000]

Here’s the thing; none of my real friends share my passion for animals. I have learned not to talk about my chickens that much with my friends. It makes things awkward.
My friends joke that they keep me around because I’m funny. Yes they will make a joke at your expense or have a running joke about you and most of the time I can handle it. Sometimes it’s too much for me and I approach one of my friends and ask them to stop, explaining that I find it annoying. They usually understand and comply. There’s nothing wrong with being more mature than your peers. I feel as if I matured earlier than my peers because I was bullied.
I guess what I’m trying to say Jemma is that you don’t have to have all that much in common to become friends. Good luck!

 

[Jemma Rider]

Here’s the thing; none of my real friends share my passion for animals. I have learned not to talk about my chickens that much with my friends. It makes things awkward.
My friends joke that they keep em around because I’m funny. Yes they will make a joke at your expense or have a running joke about you and most of the time I can handle it. Sometimes it’s too much for me and I approach one of my friends and ask them to stop, explaining that I find it annoying. They usually understand and comply. There’s nothing wrong with being more mature than your peers. I feel as if I matured earlier than my peers because I was bullied.
I guess what I’m trying to say Jemma is that you don’t have to have all that much in common to become friends. Good luck!

Thank you

 

[Loopeend]

Maybe mustard after the meal, injection eleven, I don't know the English verb for 'someone that tells something way too late in a discussion and it is already said'. But;

you should allways keep talking to a person in a depression. BUT. I found out. From me with a depression and others. Don't talk about their depression unless they start it. Listen. Never say anything, allthough meant well, that can give a feeling that they nééd to do/feel stuff. No well-meaned advice like 'maybe you should stop smoking/drinking work out more'. etc. Just no advices at all.
This 'listening' can sometimes also involve accepting that they want to die and respect that allthough your feelings scream that you don't want that that person takes their life. But listening and accepting and respecting these feelings works more then denieing them in ways like 'Don't do that because your family will miss you etc.' They often already feel uselees, not important, no use to the world, and every little thing that can sound that they again are 'bad, stupid, etc.' needs to be avoided. Even if you think you mean it well it can sound to them in a different way.
The people that helped me, where the people that treated me like a normal person, allthough I wanted to die, just accepted that listened, never have judged me, ánd helped me foreward. They picked out little things I said, like.. I feel trapped because I can't get a job because of this and that means I can't get an drivers license and I even more can't get a job and etc. etc. and said 'I am not rich. But I believe in you. Let me pay for your drivers license to break this circle. You don't have to pay it back. But I am sure that you will pay it back anyway because I believe that you can do so much more. Just let me give you a kickstart'. Offcrouse my depression had 100 factors; but they listened to them and picked one thing out to change it for me and help me and gave me new perspective and hope. With no responsibillity. I didn't have to sudenly be more happy due to their 'generous gift'. They already calculated it in that It can help but not immediately.

 

[MissChick@dee]

Sometimes just telling someone how you feel lightens the burden. We all have a need to be heard. I always talk to God first. It’s amazing what a conversation can do.

 

[ChickNanny13]

@Jemma Rider Just checking how you are managing?

 

[Jemma Rider]

@Jemma Rider Just checking how you are managing?

I'm doing fine. I'll be seeing my estranged best friend tomorrow. I'm quite nervous, my mother has told me she thinks I seem less anxious since I stopped texting my friend and others in her friend group and I really am, I've had trouble sleeping a lot before and now I'm getting at least six hours every night (a lot of sleep for me) and waking up much less which is always good, I'm trying to get on a schedule where I can get up at sunrise so I can watch my chickens come out, but since it's getting cold now I'm really struggling with gathering up the nerve to walk out my door. I didn't completely realize how negatively she and her friend group was affecting me until I did something about it, tomorrow I'll be going to my book club, her and a few of her friends attend so idk how it will go, I intend to be very friendly of course, I even made them a cake, we are still friends, but now I have the distance I need.
I just want to thank everybody for helping me with this, the people on BYC have once again proven to be one of a kind.

 

[MillersFarm]

It's great to hear you've been feeling better and catching up on your sleep I have a tough time sleeping too so I know how you're feeling Good luck with tomorrow~ Try not to over think things and have a good time~

 

[MissChick@dee]

Hi Jemma
You’ve got some great electives in school. I wish they had vet tec as a option when I was a kid. How exciting!!
Sounds like you’re finding the right balance of things.
Take care.
Best wishes as always....

 

[KiwiSue49]

May Roxy rest in peace - such a cutie.
Being a bit chicken myself i tend to avoid suggesting things to people that might help - especially on an open forum.
I only know what has hugely helped me.
Born in 1965 have tried various things re anxiety depression, etc.
Had the biggest breakthrough when I did The Work, by Byron Katie.
It basically deals to one's stressful thoughts, much of which can set off anxiety, and other reactionary behaviour.
Hope you are sorting out your chicken health issues?
Cheers,
Sue