My husband left me and the kids.

[WriterofWords]

Hun, first off yes you can love him; you may not like him much, but you can love him. Maybe further down the road if it's meant to be it'll be put back together, but for now it's you and the kids you have to concentrate on. Keep your head up, and your guilt down, it's not your fault, he made the choice to drink, and he's looking for somewhere other than himself to place the blame. It's hard thing to face down, when you've let something take over your life to the extent you are losing everything you love and it's your own fault.
Get some help, AA is for survivors too, not just the alcoholic.

 

[DuckLady]

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Agreed. After I left my loser first husband after he beat me down justifying his need to drink (cheat, beat, snort, gamble) by blaming me for it all, Al-Anon helped me to focus on me and my future not what went before. Because you cannot change someone who is not ready or wants to change. You can only control you and how you let it affect you.

Right now you and your kids are way better without him.

 

[ChikeeMomma]

TerrieLacy -- great suggestion! My grandma attended Al-Anon forever! She made some great lifelong friends through the organization, too! CrazyFowlFreak - if interested, check out the local Al-Anon chapter in your area.

 

[shelleyd2008]

I'm so sorry to hear about your problems. I know how difficult it is to go through a divorce. However, I also know how hard it was to be raised with an alcoholic father, and I can honestly say (now that I'm old enough to realize) that I wish mom would have left him a long time before she did.

It will get better, and your kids will thank you for it later on. No one should have to live in that type of situation.

 

[gamamachik]

Hugs and Prayers!!!! You can do it one day at a time...

 

[cassie]

Attend some Al Anon meetings. Those meetings are for people with alcoholic spouses, parents, etc. They really do help. Also, tell the eight year old the truth. What he imagines is far worse than the reality, believe me.

 

[Fierlin1182]

I'm very sorry you're going through this! I can only imagine how hard it would be. I agree with the other posts, take care of your kids. Stay strong.

 

[newchickgal]

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X2
It is not your fault the path he has chosen. Do not put up with that. Tell him straight out that it is his decision and his alone and that you will not be a part of his life as long as he is drinking and not working at staying sober. For you, the meetings of Al Anon would do a lot to help heal you.

 

[sheaviance1]

He will now spiral down into a depression that will enable him to increase the amount that he drinks because he is going through a divorce. Alcoholics always look for their next excuse to drink more. Right now, he chose you to blame it on, but in six months when he is still drinking heavy, he will be forced to find a new excuse.

My current husband is an alcoholic. However, when it started creating problems in our marriage, he chose to cut back on his own. I am more important to him that his addiction. It is not always just the drink talking to you. It sounds like he is telling you loud and clear how he feels. If not, he would be crawling back as soon as he is even just a little clear headed.

If it were me, I would talk to the eight year old too. I wouldn't try to shield a child of this age. You have already stated what your imagination did to you when you didn't find him until noon the next day. Just imagine what your child's imagination is doing now that it has been days. Not knowing the truth is one of the most torturous things that you can do to anyone. You don't have to disclose everything, but at least enough information to set their mind at ease.

 

[chicmom]

So sorry to hear this! I have an alcoholic sister, so I do know what it's like to be around an alcoholic. She's 49, and still drinks.....It's a very difficult for an alchololic to get on that road to recovery. If you still love him, maybe you can get him into a rehab program, but really, he has to WANT to get sober.

Take care and good luck to you! ALA-NON is a great thing for family of an alcoholic to participate in. Helps you deal with it all......
Sharon