My husband left me and the kids.

[Elite Silkies]

6chickens in St. Charles :

I HAVENT READ THE WHOLE THREAD EITHER, please forgive me if this has already been posted:

I attended alanon as a 9 year old, then alateen for a few years.

To this day, I have learned "I never have to accept unacceptable behavior", which I have passed on to my children, and to many many people in my care as a fully functional RN.

Another RN joked, "90% of RN's are products of alcoholic parents"

, so consider your kids, if they learn the coping skills appropriate to living with (and without) alcoholism, just MAY wind up in a lucritave, solid career path, highly employable with many a prayer in their pocket from learning how to deal with difficult people and their difficult lives. Alanon can teach your family very good things

Prayers to you.

God grant me the SERENITY
To accep the things I cannot change,
The COURAGE to change the things I can,
and the Wisdom to know the difference.
Amen
(The serenity prayer, a cornerstone of Alcoholics Anonymous)

I found this amusing! My father was a severe alcoholic for many years, and I am now studying to be an RN

You might be onto something! I watched my father beat on my mother, stay out all night, promise things he never came through with, and on and on....................................

I feel the children will be much better off knowing why daddy has decided to leave. Just make sure they know this is daddy's problem and nothing they have caused.​

 

[BigSkyChickens]

Just another prayer for the prayer pile and another yes-vote for al-anon.

 

[weesy68]

Hi, how was your day today? I replied earlier to your post and wanted to reinforce something that another poster mentioned. Please tell your kids REPEATEDLY it is not their fault! My parents fought constantly over my dad's drinking when I was around 8 years old, and I remember laying in bed at night listening to them thinking "If I'd been better today, this wouldn't be happening". Children internalize stress, and it gets all twisted out of shape and becomes guilt. Even if you have to say it every day until they say "Mom, I KNOW!" then you'll be doing the right thing.

When you feel down, just remind yourself......I won't have to put up with his sh*t for the next forty plus years after all......woohoo!

 

[CrazyFowlFreak]

We're plugging along. My kids actually seem happier because all of my attention isn't focused on making sure DH is not going to blow up or get moody suddenly over something stupid. I did text him asking for more money because both little kids need snow boots and DD needs some shirts, he finally answered me and said he'd check and see if he had the money.

Saw a lawyer yesterday re the divorce, but can't afford him because DH left us with $200 after emptying the joint accounts. Don't know what we'll do at this point. I guess a trip to DHHR is in order to see if they can help us in any way. Also I'll call legal aid to see if they can do something for me, too. Thank you for the kind words ad prayers, they mean so much to me right now.

 

[Elite Silkies]

Quote:
I hate hearing that one of the spouses emptied a checking account, esp. when children are involved. That is as low as a human being can stoop!

I can't even tell you on this forum what I would do because it isn't pleasant at all.

You need to go to DHS and apply for food stamps and child support as soon as you can. When you are able to hire and attorney or legal aid, you need to make sure they know he emptied the accounts because he will have to pay you back 1/2 of that money.

 

[NinnyGillaspie]

Hi. I'm a 50 yr old grandmother, and the adult child of an alcoholic, who has passed away due to cirrhosis. My emotional life was hard. I would get my siblings in the closet, and we would draw on the wall while all hell broke loose in the kitchen. After I became a nurse, I went to a seminar, and roll call was taken. Later on, a lady approached me and said my name was written all inside her closet! Don't put your kids through it. It still affects me everyday.

 

[JD4570]

I hate to see this happen to any family because it happened to mine. My father was a functioning alcoholic and left my family for three months. What's worse when me, my sister and brother became adults we followed in his foot steps. We come from a long line of drunks. The good news is we are clean and sober now, my sister for 18yrs, my brother for 16 yrs and myself for 18 yrs. My dad returned after those three months it took fouteen years before we forgave him for what he did, until that moment the healing did not begin for any of us, especially me. My dad and I restored the relationship and we became fast friends.He never kicked drinking but never became falling down drunk again either.Unfortunatley there is no happy ending to my story, he died 4 yrs after I forgave him... I wish I hadn't been so hateful and selfish toward him and forgave him earlier. I pray your children do not have to go through what I went through. Never stop loving him and praying for him! I miss my dad.

 

[HappyRoo]

This hole thread is very sad, just came across it. My Dad was an Alcoholic also , I didn't see him fall much but he spent a lot of money.
I am the oldest of 9 kids. We didn't have much food around my dad made about $ 2.00 an hour, the older kids couldn't eat until the younger ones hate 1st unless my Dad was at Home, "He ate 1st always" My mom loved him until the day she Died "age 53" she would never leave him. He did hit her when we were young. ? all my brothers and sisters are hooked on something, We lost one sister already to liver cancer "age 43" 2 brothers have more than 5 DUI, and one in Prison because of alcohol and pain pills. Yes we might have faired better if she would have left him, it would take pages and pages to tell this story, I also had a drinking problem early on, Some how I found Jesus or he found me I don't know why. I have tried to help my siblings, They think I am better than they are. I have a wonderful understanding wife that loves Jesus also. ........... More Later ?

 

[rancher hicks]

Quote:
Agreed. After I left my loser first husband after he beat me down justifying his need to drink (cheat, beat, snort, gamble) by blaming me for it all, Al-Anon helped me to focus on me and my future not what went before. Because you cannot change someone who is not ready or wants to change. You can only control you and how you let it affect you.

Right now you and your kids are way better without him.

Good advice , wish they had had Al Anon for teens like they do today. The hell we went through when my mother and hers would get drunk and fight. It may not seem like a blessing now, but it may in the future.

Take care and I wish you well,

Rancher

 

[groundpecker]

It may be a blessing that he is leaving. If you are a good person, there is someone else out there for you. I wish you the best in the coming days.