my husband left me

[bgelber]

I have no words of wisdom but

and remember Karma is a b**ch.

 

[jenny_kap]

honey, i can't say i'm sorry for you, just because i'm happy for you. i'm happy you got rid of that jerk. are you crying he did what he did to you? he doesn't deserve it!!!!! you better have a party and be happy that liar is not in your life anymore. party, party

 

[cassie]

In a way, you are suffering the same feelings as you would if you had received news of a sudden death. My friend lost her husband in a motorcycle accident. I will tell you what the deputy who delivered the devastating news told her. I have posted it before, but I think it bears repeating. He told her that she would be in a state of shock. He told her to keep up her normal routine as much as possible and to live by the clock. Meaning to get up at the regular time, eat at the regular time and to go to bed at the regular time no matter whether she was sleepy or hungry then or not. He told her that when she got up in the morning that it was important for her to fix her hair, put on her makeup, and to wear pretty clothes. He said that if she looked better she would feel better. Keep a legal pad handy to write down things that need to be done. Think about what you would like to do at this point in your life and maybe write them down. Don't worry about whether they are practical or whether you think you can do them or not.

There is no reason for you to divorce his family if you are close to them. AND DON'T TAKE HIM BACK!! It sounds like you were carrying the entire responsibility of the marriage by yourself. Bad idea. If the other partner is unwilling to contribute his fair share and to assume responsibility, and care for and about his partner, the marriage is built on shaky ground adn quite frankly isn't worth saving. Particularly since it doesn't sound like there was much to save. Although you may not think so now, this man may have done you a great favor. Take advantage of it.

 

[galanie]

Quote:
Ain't that the truth!

 

[the Pollo Loco]

Quote:
sorry to say but this man was not thinking with his head or his heart... lust it brings down the best of men...

hopefully for you, you will recover from this... being hurt has been part of life's drama, it just takes winners to keep going on..

 

[beckt]

I have been in your shoes not long ago. Yes I was in shock after spending 23 years with him, but after the shock and anger wore off I realized how lucky I was. I even went as far as thanking the other woman for showing me what a jerk he was. Her jaw dropped and hit the floor over that (priceless) and I told him that I never wanted him back in MY house again. Since this has happened I feel better about myself and can truley say I am happy again. Oh please do not give up your pets, mine were such a strong factor in getting me through some pretty rough times. They mean more to me than he does now. Another good thing is that I had always wanted a pet turkey and he said no no no. Well guess what I have now, you guessed it a new sweet as pie turkey baby.
Just hang in there and keep your head held high and you will make it through it all and be a better person for it all. Good luck in what ever happens.

 

[FrenchToast]

Quote:
I don't know how old she is, or whether there is a son or a boyfriend/husband in her life. But there's someone. He has a grown daughter (20) from a previous marriage that ended a very long time ago and never wanted more kids. Can't imagine he'd take one on.

I had a fantastic afternoon visiting with and getting moral support from my aunt. Not one tear shed. Even ate some food for the first time in days. Thought the beer would be a bad idea so passed on that. When I got home there was an email from him asking for loan and insurance information for the boat and SUV. I told him he had to take on those payments or we'd sell both, that I wasn't going to pay for his hobbies if he wouldn't work on our marriage. I guess he's putting that in place. It's sad because it makes this more real, but it's what I asked for and needs to happen. My name is still on the loan so I told him to tell me if he decides to sell, someone buys into the boat, etc. If he could take on the loan in full I'd walk away from them. If I can get those off my roster I can probably take on the house loan in full, and hopefully he'd walk away from it.

God this sucks. I don't understand how someone can go from "i love you very, very much" one week to "i don't know if I want to be married to you anymore" the next. Because of the trollop, I suppose. Can't forget that.

Thanks again for all the support.

It wouldn't hurt to call the loan company and see if you can get your name off of the loan. You won't know unless you ask. Don't blame the other woman. His actions are not her fault. She didn't take him away at gunpoint. Trust me. If it wasn't her, it would be someone else. In the long run, she will get exactly what she deserves. The way he has treated you is the way he will one day treat her. Eventually you may come to realize she has really done you a favor.



You are correct, she didn't take him away at gunpoint BUT if she didn't accept his advances or make the initial advances the fling may not have happened, AND if everyone turned the other way when they were pursued by a married individual that would eliminate alot of heartbreak all around. BUT we know that will never happen. So yes she is partially to blame but she will learn the hard way that what you do affects other peoples lives and even more so your own !! Love is blind, until you open your eyes. Ya kind of have to feel sorry for people that cheat or are so desperate to have someone that they choose to be with married people or that are in relationships. They must truly have such a low self esteem or be so lonely that any time they can have with someone is better then being alone. Sad part too is they often want what they can't have and when it becomes available they don't want it after all. Especially if the wife (in this case) isn't fighting to keep him or basically hands him over on a silver platter. That will be the first eye opener for the mistress !!! "Oh my Gad what have I gotten myself into?" In the mean time destroying relationships, familys, friendships and so much more.
It takes two to get into a situation like this but it would only have taken one with strong enough morals to prevent it from happening in the first place. That's just my opinion, don't want to cause any waves.

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

I don't disagree with you French. Of course you are right that it takes two to tango. Women complain all the time about how men cheat so much and say women don't cheat as much. Well, duh, unless all those men are on the down low they're cheating with some one!

BUT and it is a big issue - I will never understand women who attack the other woman first instead of holding the man accountable for his actions. I have seen more cases than I care to in which the "other" woman had no clue she was the other woman!






Many, many years ago when I was young and naive this guy really pursued me, flowers cards the whole nine yards. I finally agreed to go to dinner with him. As dinner was being served and I was starting to relax thinking maybe he was OK he said, "So you're gonna have to call my pager to get me to call back 'cause I can't let the wife know about you."

I called the waiter over and asked him to box up my food. I said I am leaving - thank god I had met him there - but the least he owed me was the dinner he had promised me. I told the waiter throw in some dessert too its on him. They did! He blustered and fussed and I asked him how big of a scene he wanted because I was wiling to take it all the way! He shut up. I got my food and left.

 

[babylady4]

OP; hang in there. Do not make any major decisions (like selling the property) for at least a year..... and RUN to the doctor's office and have a full workup done (and send HIM the bill). Can you get a restraining order for him so that he can only contact you through legal channels? That way he is not as apt to come crawling back (at least then you could call the police to come and pick up his sorry butt).

Finally: Get a horse!!!!

 

[gmendoza]

Hey OP,

From a guy to you,glad you got rid of the bum.I have been married to DW going on 18 years this Oct and love it.

Sounds like he is the selfish and greedy one. Doesnt sound nor act like a man to me.

Best to be on your own.