My mom is dying *She's gone now **update*

[Iowa Roo Mom]

I am so sorry for what you are dealing with. I will pray for you and your family

 

[tonini3059]

Thanks everyone. She is still coherent at times. She knows everyone and what I say to her and understands it is just that sometimes she will just ramble odd stuff. She is doing worse today her blood work is getting worse. The last two times I took her to pee she couldn't go at all. She is so swollen I feel that if I were to touch a pin to her she would pop. The doctor gave us a form to fill out today on what to do if she coded as to whether or not to put her on life support and etc, but we just couldn't sign it today. She still thinks she is getting better and is going to go home. She won't let me tell the nurses she is in pain and begs us to eat her food for her so they will let her go home earlier. It is just so heartbreaking, I can barely take it. I was wrong my parent were married 35yrs on Sept 20, With everything going on I couldn't remember until my husband corrected me today when I told someone. My dad is finally coming to terms that it is coming, he was able to talk to my one brother a little bit today after he left the hospital. I am staying with her tonight, we have been alternating nights. That is when it is the hardest. My family has been coming throughout the day and we mostly sit in the lounge (we kinda commandeered it it is right next to my mom's room) So when she is sleeping there is someone to talk to. She has been sleeping most of the day these past two days she will be up 5 mins or so and be right back out. She used to hear a pin drop and it would wake her...but not now. Luckily I have my laptop so I can atleast look at stuff on the internet rather than just stare at her and think when is it going to happen.

 

[rodriguezpoultry]

I honestly think you should talk to your oncologist regarding the life support. We knew there was no chance of my mom coming back...to me, the life support is to support life, not to prolong a battle that cannot be won.

 

[chickens4me]

Many prayers &

. I am so heart broken for you & I am so sorry.

 

[tonini3059]

Yeah that is the general consensis with my family. I am the only one who says otherwise. I known I am being selfish and she will never get better, but all I have heard these past two moths was how she is going to fight this and she wants to be around for this and that and I feel as though I am telling her NO and condeming her to death. I know she is suffering...but letting go is so so so hard and I just don't want to do it my life is going to be so empty without her she is my best and only friend.

 

[rodriguezpoultry]

That is very true, but sometimes you have to think of what's best for her, even if she thinks she knows what's best.

All our lives we are taught that living is better than not. What happens when the latter is the better alternative? A life of constant pain. Pain that's only calmed with heavy doses of pain killers to the point that the person you love is no longer there, no longer capable of articulating, no longer capable of feeling anything.

It's a family decision, and should be discussed without your mother. Do not let your mom know what is happening, she needs to keep her strength up and her spirit to fight. Otherwise, well, the outlook is even more bleak.

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. It is an awful thing to have happen. It feels like you want to blame someone for this thing that is taking your mom from you, but there's nobody to blame. Your mom will be there for those things. Not physically, but again, you will be able to feel her presence and know that she is witnessing it with you. That's the only way I've been able to move beyond the anger.

 

[DuckLady]

You are not telling her "no" or condemning her, you are making her comfortable.

If she is suffering, making her comfortable in her last days is the most unselfish thing you can do.

When my mother was on her deathbed, we did everything possible to make her feel no pain. And if your mom has cancer, the pain can be horrific.

We talked to her non stop for hours. We even told her dirty jokes, because she couldn't swat us.

But the point is, your mom knows she is going. The best thing for her is to let her go in comfort.

 

[tonini3059]

yeah i know, but she really doesn't know she is going. like I said she truly believes she is getting better and is going to come home.

 

[tonini3059]

lol we do joke she keeps complaining everyone is coming to she her and i told her she needed to be more of a B*** to everyone else rather than just me. My brother keeps joking around making her smile also. We did watch part of CSI but she kept falling asleep oh and the mentalist.

 

[Mesa]

((((((Hugs))))))))