My Thanksgiving story and why I need to talk to Santa

[CCUK]

Well, I did copy it from the internet.....but holiday consumerism is terrible, IMO.
It has warped us all, some more than others.

Its a holiday that I look forward too but it is more stressful than any other holiday in the year. The expense is too much. Family should just get together and be thankful for all that has been achieved throughout the year. And of course not to overlook what Christmas is actually celebrating.

 

[N F C]

Its a holiday that I look forward too but it is more stressful than any other holiday in the year. The expense is too much. Family should just get together and be thankful for all that has been achieved throughout the year. And of course not to overlook what Christmas is actually celebrating.

 

[aart]

And of course not to overlook what Christmas is actually celebrating.

Yes, Winter Solstice!...well, before the Christians came along.

 

[TwoCrows]

I am not sure an adult should judge the actions of a 9 or 10 year old based on adult interactions. Kids this age are still maturing and many are just not yet ready to make responsible or proper etiquette decisions. Maybe he needs more attention paid to him? Many times kids act out because they are looking for validation. I wouldn't stoop to his level by treating him any differently, it will send the wrong message.

 

[CCUK]

Yes, Winter Solstice!...well, before the Christians came along.

Many places call it winterval over here. However its is viewed its a time for family and celebration.

 

[Ninjasquirrel]

I totally agree with the hugging part. I am not a hugger and close contact with other people usually makes me feel very uncomfortable.

However (and this is the crux of the OP's post)...the kid later did this:
"I then proceeded to ask the ones that hugged me what they wanted for christmas and began to leave the room before my despondent nephew shouted "what about me?!" I said "well you didnt hug me so why should I get you a present?" Instead of giving his aunt a big ol hug he said "well my mom is gonna be mad at you if you dont get me anything. Shes going to hate you.""

THAT is the part that was disrespectful, manipulative and rude. This is the part that makes the kid look like a sociopathic brat. Plus, the OP later said this wasn't a little kid. He was at least 9 years old, which is old enough to be able to respect your elders. If he says things like this on a regular basis, I'd worry about him.

I think a book about manners and treating people with respect would be a good gift for him, as others have said in this thread.

Just got back from the inlaws so I'm catching up. He does say things like that all the time which is why I'm concerned. I'm definately leaning toward the manner book. Maybe I'll hide a gift card in it so he has to read it to find it

 

[Ninjasquirrel]

Some times it is hard to know when a child has passed the point where they get trophies for just participating and move into the realm of actually having to do something to win the prize. People are funny about their children and making them see what their child has done normally results in them turning a blind eye and resenting you instead. I'm not saying to give the spoiled brat what he wants but I am saying don't expect his parents to see that they don't have a little angel either. Good luck with this issue as it sounds like I am going to be no help either way on this one...

If they aren't willing to take the time to raise the kid right it's going to continue to be a problem. I fully agree with what others are saying about meaningful time. I really wish they would but it's not my job to parent their kid

 

[Ninjasquirrel]

Looks like you've already had lots of advice. Not sure mine will be any more helpful but here goes anyway...

My grandson is a sweetheart. At 9 he's sensitive and caring but when he was younger he didn't like hugging or, really, a lot of physical contact. It was frustrating for the adults who loved him but we respected his sensibilities. And now that he's older when he hugs it's a genuine thing that's as nice for him as it is for us.

Basic good manners, OTOH, were something we expected right from the beginning. When he and I went on errands to, say Costco or Trader Joe's where samples are offered, he had to wait for a turn, make eye contact -- something that was also uncomfortable for him -- ask "may I have some?" in a loud clear voice and then say "thank you" so he was heard. Some of the busy sample folks didn't have the time to interact with him. Most of them kvelled and said something like "you have better manners than most adults". And I would tell him how much people appreciated good manner and how well disposed they would feel toward him and how much more pleasant it would make his life to be around people who enjoyed his company. Heavy and abstract concepts for a kid who could barely see over the sample tray but the message got through and now he's more confident and easy in his dealings with people who aren't familiar to him. Most importantly, he's kind.

Seems like it's your nephew's parents you need to have the discussion with. They're the ones who need to understand that his life will be more difficult, colder. He'll be more unhappy and his life will be less rewarding if he's someone who engenders resentment or aversion that could easily be avoided by some manners and consideration for others. Loving and being loved will come harder to him if he doesn't master empathy for others. This is important stuff for them to think about and begin to deal with. And you're right to be concerned about it.

As for Christmas, I wouldn't single him out to not get a present -- especially if gifts are exchanged at a family event. I wouldn't make a present an opportunity for snark like coal but as someone before me said, maybe socks and underwear is the way to go. But it's also a fair point that gifts are an expression of the relationships and affections we share not payments due. Mostly, do what's in your heart. Be genuine about whatever it is you do.

And have a lovely warm holiday with the people you love and who love you!

Excellent advice! Yea I'm not sure he needs any more toys especially since he feels entitled to them. My other niece and nephew wont be here so it will be just him and his little brother. But it might be best not to single him out. Maybe I will get them both a book.

 

[aart]

Maybe I will get them both a book.

Books are Good!!
Something fun rather than, or in addition too, 'self help'.

 

[21hens-incharge]

As someone who got "books" for Christmas....I say nay unless they are something the kid is into.

I was 4 and got books about birds that were 3rd grade and 6th grade level.
My cousin got THE doll I had wanted. Yup scarred.


Not suggesting that you parent their kid but that perhaps mentor, guide, be a good kind aunt to him.

Back in the day the whole family raised, guided, mentored to the kids.....that changed somewhere leaving parents overwhelmed and exhausted. I think having the extended family not participate in making these kids well rounded individuals is rather sad.