My Thanksgiving story and why I need to talk to Santa

[aart]

Its the rudeness and lack of empathy that concerns me.

Not surprising when his mother calls him an ahole.
Tough family situation...is this the same people who won't deal with their dog?

 

[Peepsi]

When we used to still talk to the inlaws, I would always pray for patience. Because if I prayed for strength, I would have punched somebody!!

 

[ShrekDawg]

He loves to read. He loves violent video games more though my sister is already considered the "fun aunt". She lets them get away with everything

That definitely does not help either. Enabling his behavior will only make it worse.

And if he likes to read then get him some books in some topics he is interested in.

 

[Ninjasquirrel]

I don’t think books are necessarily a bad thing though. I used to love reading and getting books. It’s just in this day and age with all the technology and games, it’s probably considered “boring” to kids, but I think getting off the screens and doing something other than that would be good for him.

Not even necessarily reading. Maybe get him a bike or scooter or paint set or guitar or basketball or something that gets him off the screens and/or outside. Or, yes, a book.

It’s not torture and won’t necessarily make him sad. Especially if you can find one in a topic he likes.

I do think the manners book might make him sad though and/or he’s at the age where he might just laugh and throw it away. I think a talk with him or his parents may go further.

And this does not have to be an attack on the parents or discipline or anything but your brother needs an awakening and dose of reality that this isn’t funny or cute.

Maybe when he was real little (though even then, not really) but certainly not now.

Maybe you could have some sort of intervention or something.

You said your dad agrees, right? So maybe sit your brother down and talk to him.

Or even try talking to his mother since she clearly seems to understand that there is a problem and I don’t think she would be mad.

And I don’t think she would be mad if you wanted to spend time with him and help him/hang out with him either.

And I don’t really see why there’s such an aversion to that. If it was my niece or nephew, I would want to spend as much time with them as I could, even if there was nothing wrong, and I would hope they would come to me if they ever had a problem. It’s not parenting for them. It’s being a good aunt or uncle and being there for them when they need you. And clearly this kid needs you and/or some other adults in his life that are going to be way better influences.

Also, like I believe someone mentioned here, most behavior is learned and kids are highly observant so if he sees your brother being disrespectful (not necessarily saying he is) or sees it on TV or something, he is going to imitate that. Doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a bad kid or a sociopath or anything and frankly I’m not really sure why anyone would jump straight to that, especially about their own nephew.

The fact that your brother found this behavior funny is very telling.

They need to get serious about being parents and not just friends before he’s a teenager. They won’t find this funny when he’s a teen. It’s not funny now either but will be worse then.

Also IMO kids definitely know when they’re unwanted or being ignored or whatever. Not saying he’s unwanted, I’m sure he’s very loved, but kids want (and need) someone there for them, paying attention to them, guiding them and he is clearly not getting that.

Being a parent is a huge responsibility and if they’re not up for it or don’t want to take the time to do it right then frankly they shouldn’t have had kids.

This kid needs real parents and parenting and for someone to step up otherwise he’s going to have a pretty hard time in life or at least likely to make a lot of poor choices later on without guidance.

But if his parents can’t or aren’t willing to step up, then somebody else in his life needs to. Either you or your parents or somebody.

And I do get that people are busy and they likely both work full time and parenting is hard, nobody is perfect, so I do understand or even sympathize, to a point but they can still parent when they are there. Also the fact that your brother finds his behavior funny is ridiculous. Clearly his mother doesn’t and wants to do right but that’s never going to happen without consistency, which is another thing that kids need a lot of. Your brother needs to start backing your sister in law up and be a real parent.

I completely agree with you. He definately must have a deeper issue that needs to be addressed. Ive tried talking to my sister and telling her that she needs to step up with him and not let him get away with everything. If hes having a tantrum...listen. Ask him why hes upset and then explain why its not worth it to be upset about it and just go be a kid and have fun. Talking to him is key. But she just says she doesnt want him to be mad at her.

 

[ShrekDawg]

If the parents aren't going to be there for him and he isn't turning to you, you can't force it on him. Life will have to be the teacher.

Hmm that’s true but I still think he may be somewhat just in his own way. A lot of kids act out for attention.

 

[ShrekDawg]

The key to developing a reader is to choose books that have well developed, relevant plots and are written well. Then read them out loud. ...even to a 9yo. Employ some acting skills to set the mood. Read enough at first to get them engaged then a little less than they want you to so that they may pick up the book to see what happens next.

Books my grandson and I have enjoyed are:
• Caroline Carlson's Very Nearly Honorable League of Pirate books
• Jonathan Auxier's Peter Nimble books and especially Sweep for a lesson in the power of relationships (I cried my eyes out!)
• Rebecca Stead's When You Reach Me, also about relationships including how mercurial they are for middle grade kids and what an enduring relationship is about (another one that completely touched me!)
• Sally Pla's Someday Birds
• Damien Love's Monsterous Devices
• JK Rowling's Harry Potter books

There are classics and there is good contemporary literature for kids that deals honestly with relationships, treats the young reader with respect and entertain as well. Skip the etiquette books and the books that preach. We wouldn't read that ____ for long without being insulted. Kids deserve to learn from quality context that presents life realistically as well.

Reading aloud is also a great shared experience that helps create special relationships.

10000 percent agree!!!

Very well said. I don’t think the manners books will do anything other than embarrass him and make him upset and angry.