My Thanksgiving story and why I need to talk to Santa

[aart]

I was 4 and got books about birds that were 3rd grade and 6th grade level.
My cousin got THE doll I had wanted. Yup scarred.

But this kid is 9...still he might not like to read.

 

[Cryss]

Christmas is a time of undeserved love. Maybe he needs to learn what love is.

 

[21hens-incharge]

But this kid is 9...still he might not like to read.

Yeah he is 9 or 10.

Perspective....for those that need it... that puts him in second or third grade.
That is still quite young.

If he is plopped down playing games, watching movies then social interaction is missing. Social skills are not learned in isolation or in a book that makes them sad at Christmas.

Social skills are learned by interaction. While not every interaction will be a good one learning the skills while young will help him cope in life's hard spots.

 

[Ninjasquirrel]

But this kid is 9...still he might not like to read.

He loves to read. He loves violent video games more though my sister is already considered the "fun aunt". She lets them get away with everything

 

[ShrekDawg]

I don’t think books are necessarily a bad thing though. I used to love reading and getting books. It’s just in this day and age with all the technology and games, it’s probably considered “boring” to kids, but I think getting off the screens and doing something other than that would be good for him.

Not even necessarily reading. Maybe get him a bike or scooter or paint set or guitar or basketball or something that gets him off the screens and/or outside. Or, yes, a book.

It’s not torture and won’t necessarily make him sad. Especially if you can find one in a topic he likes.

I do think the manners book might make him sad though and/or he’s at the age where he might just laugh and throw it away. I think a talk with him or his parents may go further.

And this does not have to be an attack on the parents or discipline or anything but your brother needs an awakening and dose of reality that this isn’t funny or cute.

Maybe when he was real little (though even then, not really) but certainly not now.

Maybe you could have some sort of intervention or something.

You said your dad agrees, right? So maybe sit your brother down and talk to him.

Or even try talking to his mother since she clearly seems to understand that there is a problem and I don’t think she would be mad.

And I don’t think she would be mad if you wanted to spend time with him and help him/hang out with him either.

And I don’t really see why there’s such an aversion to that. If it was my niece or nephew, I would want to spend as much time with them as I could, even if there was nothing wrong, and I would hope they would come to me if they ever had a problem. It’s not parenting for them. It’s being a good aunt or uncle and being there for them when they need you. And clearly this kid needs you and/or some other adults in his life that are going to be way better influences.

Also, like I believe someone mentioned here, most behavior is learned and kids are highly observant so if he sees your brother being disrespectful (not necessarily saying he is) or sees it on TV or something, he is going to imitate that. Doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a bad kid or a sociopath or anything and frankly I’m not really sure why anyone would jump straight to that, especially about their own nephew.

The fact that your brother found this behavior funny is very telling.

They need to get serious about being parents and not just friends before he’s a teenager. They won’t find this funny when he’s a teen. It’s not funny now either but will be worse then.

Also IMO kids definitely know when they’re unwanted or being ignored or whatever. Not saying he’s unwanted, I’m sure he’s very loved, but kids want (and need) someone there for them, paying attention to them, guiding them and he is clearly not getting that.

Being a parent is a huge responsibility and if they’re not up for it or don’t want to take the time to do it right then frankly they shouldn’t have had kids.

This kid needs real parents and parenting and for someone to step up otherwise he’s going to have a pretty hard time in life or at least likely to make a lot of poor choices later on without guidance.

But if his parents can’t or aren’t willing to step up, then somebody else in his life needs to. Either you or your parents or somebody.

And I do get that people are busy and they likely both work full time and parenting is hard, nobody is perfect, so I do understand or even sympathize, to a point but they can still parent when they are there. Also the fact that your brother finds his behavior funny is ridiculous. Clearly his mother doesn’t and wants to do right but that’s never going to happen without consistency, which is another thing that kids need a lot of. Your brother needs to start backing your sister in law up and be a real parent.

 

[TwoCrows]

He loves to read. He loves violent video games more though my sister is already considered the "fun aunt". She lets them get away with everything

I wouldn't try and compete with your sister, just stay the neutral aunt. Eventually life will teach this boy respect, he may need you more later in life.

 

[Ninjasquirrel]

Yeah he is 9 or 10.

Perspective....for those that need it... that puts him in second or third grade.
That is still quite young.

If he is plopped down playing games, watching movies then social interaction is missing. Social skills are not learned in isolation or in a book that makes them sad at Christmas.

Social skills are learned by interaction. While not every interaction will be a good one learning the skills while young will help him cope in life's hard spots.

Its a two way street. I think parents relt too much on schools to teach being social to their children. My mom always told me to go out in the neighborhood and find some friends. This was terrifying to me. Still is. I've never been good socially. I guess thats why all my friends are here school only taught me that other people are incompetent, lazy and selfish

 

[ShrekDawg]

He loves to read. He loves violent video games more though my sister is already considered the "fun aunt". She lets them get away with everything

That definitely does not help either. Enabling his behavior will only make it worse.

And if he likes to read then get him some books in some topics he is interested in.

 

[ShrekDawg]

I wouldn't try and compete with your sister, just stay the neutral aunt. Eventually life will teach this boy respect, he may need you more later in life.

Agreed. But I do think he needs some guidance, either now or later, cause he’s clearly not getting it and is likely going to start making bad choices sooner or later.

 

[TwoCrows]

Devote your time to the kids that want attention and look past this one in a non judgemental way.