My Worst Nightmare

[BCBunnies]

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That's what the big cheesy grin was for on my post.

Sorry with all the bad luck we've had around here lately I've taken snarky to a whole new level.

 

[LittleLady98]

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I know what you're doing.

Naw...You're safe for right now! It's Friday 13th that you have to worry...

 

[EmtheFishLady]

The whole month of May is bad for serial killers. Everybody knows that.

 

[chicmom]

Um....Em, if was thinking about getting a few turkeys......WAS.....I think I'll stick with chickens........


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This.


I don't think you people understand just how this turkey vendetta has progressed throughout my life. Let me give you some examples.


Age 5, petting zoo, big white turkey comes up behind me gobbles and steals my petting zoo food. He proceeds to follow me around the whole petting zoo and continues to do this. (My parents found it hilarious.)

Age 13, we move to the middle of an orange grove. Wild turkeys roam through often. I go outside to feed the cows, get attacked by a turkey. Turkey is riding on my back flapping it's wings wildly while I am screaming and running around like my head has been cut off.


Age 16, driving down the road and a turkey FLIES INTO MY DRIVERS SIDE WINDOW. FLIES INTO ME WHILE I AM DRIVING. I WAS A MOVING TARGET AND YET HE STILL GOT ME! I realize I am safe nowhere.


Age 20, while visiting my uncles farm as soon as I step out of my vehicle, I get attacked by his "pet" turkey. This turkey is "normally very gentle" there "must be something about me he just doesn't like"

Age 23, while picking up a rex kitten from a woman her "pet" turkey tries to GET IN THE HOUSE to get me. She claims the turkey just wants attention. I know better.



So yes folks, they ARE out to get me. It isn't being paranoid if they really ARE out to get you right? So I'm asking you all to do your part to keep me safe. Eat turkey. Every single day, at every single meal until we drive them into extinction.

 

[jojo@rolling acres farm]

OP - This is one of the best things I've ever read on this site - best - EVER!! I just finished wiping tears from my eyes I'll have to re-apply the ol' eye liner but it was so worth it! Thanks - I needed that! I doublt I'll ever look at a turkey in the same way ever again. So Funny!

 

[Moxiechick]

Nowhere is safe... even a locked home! Bwahahahaha!

Here's a thought. Had you recently eaten a turkey sandwich just before the first encounter? Perhaps the turkey from the first encounter smelled it on your breath and issues a vendetta. You are a marked woman!

 

[EmtheFishLady]

See, that's the thing. I've never even liked turkey. As a kid I didn't eat it. Although, since that first encounter I have learned to like it. I do eat it. Feels like revenge everytime I do. Now, everyone do your part as well please.

 

[Moxiechick]

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Ah! Here's the source of all the turkey attention! They were able to sense that you weren't one of the folks who wanted to eat them and they love you for it, and wanted to show you their appreciation by loving you! You have mistaken their advances as attacks, when in reality, they just want to be loved. "Give me a little sugar", is what those gobbles meant.

 

[EmtheFishLady]

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Ah! Here's the source of all the turkey attention! They were able to sense that you weren't one of the folks who wanted to eat them and they love you for it, and wanted to show you their appreciation by loving you! You have mistaken their advances as attacks, when in reality, they just want to be loved. "Give me a little sugar", is what those gobbles meant.

Ok, so turkeys show love by attempting to peck out my eyes with razor sharp beaks? I'm gonna say no they do not.

 

[eenie114]

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Ah! Here's the source of all the turkey attention! They were able to sense that you weren't one of the folks who wanted to eat them and they love you for it, and wanted to show you their appreciation by loving you! You have mistaken their advances as attacks, when in reality, they just want to be loved. "Give me a little sugar", is what those gobbles meant.

Ok, so turkeys show love by attempting to peck out my eyes with razor sharp beaks? I'm gonna say no they do not.

They're kissing you!