Naughty kids

[Dunkopf]

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We always give one present from Santa. The rest are from us.

We have 3 out of 5 adopted kids that have FAS Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. They all have symptoms similar to ADHD. Only one is severe enough for meds. When he is not on his meds he is very impulsive and constantly apologizing. The school sends him home on the rare occasion he sneaks by without taking them. They help a lot but change his personality. He's much more serious on the meds.

You should give her at least some of the presents. Having a child moping the whole time you are visiting will be a drag. Your parents will be disappointed that she isn't happy and it will make it a little less cheerful for all. Christmas is supposed to be a fun time for kids.

 

[Judy]

Bad or ill? You are just beginning to work with ADD; not the time to be hard on a misbehavior unless it was killing the family pet or the like. Mine was no angel but I never even considered withholding Christmas. (He turned out great, BTW.)

 

[EweSheep]

I LOVE the note idea! Just perfect!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why haven't I thought about THAT!!!!!!!!!!!

As for karate, I don't think she needs it at this point.....she has been violent toward other kids in her class after the kid taught her some moves and she has NO self control. She was unable to understand why she needs to keep her hands to herself or why she is being punished or understand why she was getting the punishment or grounding. Her teacher has stated that she has trouble focusing in class even she is very intelligent but unable to keep her jabberjaws quiet when it is quiet time and disturbing the class. While we were in church for a Christmas concert, she could not be quiet, even requested her to be quiet and finally I took her out of the church, missing the concert. She didn't understand "I don't know how to be quiet" "I don't know why I did that" "What did I do" (that has been repeated again and again why she got into trouble with me, and five minutes later, she did it again, then I told her the same scolding. Ten times would be the normal until I got to the point we really NEED to intervene. Hubby has some ADD issues, refused to be tested for it.

Her doctor knew of this problem a long time ago, he saw some subtle signs and let us tell him that we need to have her tested. I do not know if our insurance can cover the neutrology tests. If hubby has some ADD problems, his nephew has ADD/Aspenger difficulty but they are not medicating him, and his mother has ADD issues as well. Genetics, you can say it would be!

Thanks guys, I love this Santa note idea............off to write up a little note! What should I put down???????

I always remember my Christmases was FUN! Hubby, not much so......he didn't have the same element as I did when growing up. Resentment is more like it.

 

[EweSheep]

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I know I have been bad a time or two but never deprived of presents!!!!!!!

 

[turney31]

Give the gifts, punish later.

 

[EweSheep]

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I talked this over with hubby.............we really both LIKE this idea! We decided on ONE gift from Santa (after all, he can not carry ALL those presents on the back of his sleigh!) and the rest of the presents from me and hubby. We are going to write a note from Santa too why she got ONE gift from him.

 

[Cetawin]

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LOL maybe so but not around here...mine know me too well. My DD had to take all of her wrapped gifts to the local pediatric ward and hand them out one year...this Santa does not play that nonsense. But...she also does not suffer ADD or ADHD...

I would give her the gifts from you and DH and one or two from Santa with a note telling her that if her next week's behavior is on par with doing as she is asked and taking care of her room that he Santa will make a special trip to bring her the rest of her gifts...because he knows she can do it! Or something like that.

 

[Lifesong Farm]

I would still look into martial arts for her. IF you get the right instructor (look into an ATA Acadamy for teakwando sp?) It will help with the extra energy, focus and respect. They will also teach her when she can and can't use it. We started dd in classes but had to drop them due to a BIG bill that came up. I hope to get her back in soon. I could threaten her with telling Mr. Hill about... and she would straighten up.

 

[HeatherLynn]

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We had alot of luck with dance with ours. Not adhd but had a really difficult time controling her temper. really really bad. She has the toughest teacher and she loves her. The discipline she gets in the 2 hours of class really back up what we try to teach. Thats because she loves dance and loves her teacher so its not just mom on her back again. Its her favorite person in the whole world demanding control and discipline so she can be a great dancer. If you find the right teacher and if its something they love it really can play a huge role in behavior changes. Self discipline is taught. Martial arts is all about discipline. Might be good for her.

Also I would look not just into medication but into actual therapy. My son was considered borderline autistic. What would have been closer is Aspergers ( I know i spelled it wrong to tired to think it through right now). I was also warned that without some major changes most schools would demand he be put on medication because of his hyperness and lack of attention span. He was 2 at the time and his hyperness and some sensory issues literally made him a danger to himself at times. Anywho he was in therapy with an occupational therapist for 2 years. 3 days a week in a classroom setting where they were mixed with model students. Then twice a week at home with therapists who worked with the family. It worked miracles for him. Enough so where he is not on any medication. At the end of this the therapist said there was no reason to make a formal diagnosis on him because frankly he just did not need it. We now knew how to help him and he had changed so much. It was night and day difference. If you think about it, medication and actual therapy could work wonders even in an older child.

All that being beside the point. I would still give her the presents. However you want to label them. I would tell her she did not get these because she earned them with good behavior. She got them because even when she is bad, you guys still love her so much that you want her to be happy. ( depending on how you say it, its a little bit of guilt trip. My kids would rather a nice old fashioned spanking to a guilt trip )

 

[redhen]

No child is really bad..
Your daughter is still pretty young... no way that i would EVER deprive a kid of presents on christmas day..and tell her its because shes bad...

Tell hubby..Not a good plan!!...
You're the mother.. just put the presents under the tree... (who really cares what he says about it... your child comes first). Period.
NO way i'd let him do that to her. NO way that should be allowed to happen.
Just my opinion...