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CarpCharacin

Cyprinus carpio
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Aug 17, 2016
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Salt Lake City, UT
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I'm glad that this thread was posted, it can sometimes be pretty hard to find supportive places, and this appears to be one.

I struggle with various worries, and get pretty depressed sometimes. I also feel emotions very strongly, stronger than most people that I've met. I'm also an extremely introverted person. My home environment is less than ideal, and I've always also had large amounts of difficulty with school. I feel kind of stuck right now, with not knowing what my future will be like. I also think I tend to behave in a certain way in real life, and online to an extent, to reduce the cognitive dissonance between the negative things that I've been told about myself, e.g. being called a "slow learner" and "retarded", and the positive things, by trying to invalidate the positive things that I've been told regarding myself.

But yeah, what has felt the most immediately bothersome to me has been the unsurety about my future. I have an idea of the future that I'd like to have, but it feels very far-off and unattainable.
 

sourland

Broody Magician
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10 Years
May 3, 2009
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@CarpCharacin - James, I was labeled that "slow" "limited capability" kid who could not read in third grade. Grade school was hell - Home environment was also less than ideal - high school sending district testing indicated that the image that had been created by others for me was incorrect. I was enrolled in an accelerated program, went on to college and got my degree. I did not reach my dream goal of being a veterinarian, but found meaningful employment in an animal care related field. Met someone that I like better than anyone else in the world and have maintained a 55 + year relationship. We have raised two people who are raising another 5 who are meaningful members of society. Sometimes I still question myself and my 'purpose'. After all I am only 78 years old. Mostly I look at myself and take pride in the fact that I am a survivor and a basically good person. Don't let anyone else write your story. I have seen enough of what you share here to know that you are an intelligent and sincere person. Your purpose will find you, and you will be successful. If I could do it I am sure that someone of your caliber will be a success in life.
 

CarpCharacin

Cyprinus carpio
Staff member
Premium member
Aug 17, 2016
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Salt Lake City, UT
My Coop
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@CarpCharacin - James, I was labeled that "slow" "limited capability" kid who could not read in third grade. Grade school was hell - Home environment was also less than ideal - high school sending district testing indicated that the image that had been created by others for me was incorrect. I was enrolled in an accelerated program, went on to college and got my degree. I did not reach my dream goal of being a veterinarian, but found meaningful employment in an animal care related field. Met someone that I like better than anyone else in the world and have maintained a 55 + year relationship. We have raised two people who are raising another 5 who are meaningful members of society. Sometimes I still question myself and my 'purpose'. After all I am only 78 years old. Mostly I look at myself and take pride in the fact that I am a survivor and a basically good person. Don't let anyone else write your story. I have seen enough of what you share here to know that you are an intelligent and sincere person. Your purpose will find you, and you will be successful. If I could do it I am sure that someone of your caliber will be a success in life.
Thank you, your story gives me some hope. I guess I try to keep in mind that I'm still young, and that there will be a lot of possibilities in the future, but negative feelings in the moment can be very powerful.

For some reason I was put into a "gifted" class in elementary school, and I did not have a good experience overall, and when I'm feeling down at least, I think that it was due to others overestimating my "innate" capability. I feel like one year was good, because I had a particularly good teacher that year, but the rest was pretty miserable. I guess I did okay "academically" in most areas, yet still struggled with math, and got bad marks for organization, "working well with others", and stuff like that. Then I had a really bad experience with a teacher in the last year of elementary school, and while I do feel that a lot of my experiences have been due to there being something inherently "wrong" with me, the experience I had in 6th grade was something that was pretty damaging. I had trouble even attending consistently after that, and I still do.

In 2018, I was seeing a psychologist about the school issues, and additional family issues, and they did some testing, pretty much the same kind that I had when I was younger which determined that I should be in that "gifted" program in elementary school, and the second test showed that I have very low processing speed and below average reasoning ability, although I think I still did okay on the verbal portion of the test. I should probably note that around the same time of the testing, I had started an anxiety medication which caused me to lose a dangerous amount of weight, as it caused me to lose my appetite, and I was also very tired before the test, since it was in the morning, and my sleep disorder was undiagnosed at that time, but when I'm feeling down at least, I tend to think that I have "regressed", and that I'm now cognitively disabled. Then that makes me search for rare brain diseases that I could have, which could have caused such a monumental regression. Other times, I think that I was somehow overestimated the first time like I mentioned earlier, causing them to put a cognitively disabled kid in a gifted class, which in turn could have developed my bad attitude towards school.
 

Duckfarmer1

Crowing
Jul 23, 2019
1,675
4,324
301
Kane,Pa
I'm glad that this thread was posted, it can sometimes be pretty hard to find supportive places, and this appears to be one.

I struggle with various worries, and get pretty depressed sometimes. I also feel emotions very strongly, stronger than most people that I've met. I'm also an extremely introverted person. My home environment is less than ideal, and I've always also had large amounts of difficulty with school. I feel kind of stuck right now, with not knowing what my future will be like. I also think I tend to behave in a certain way in real life, and online to an extent, to reduce the cognitive dissonance between the negative things that I've been told about myself, e.g. being called a "slow learner" and "retarded", and the positive things, by trying to invalidate the positive things that I've been told regarding myself.

But yeah, what has felt the most immediately bothersome to me has been the unsurety about my future. I have an idea of the future that I'd like to have, but it feels very far-off and unattainable.
Remember...you have to take one day at a time...I’m not sure if you read any of what I write, but..5yrs ago, I would’ve never dreamed I would have this life...one day at a time, gearing yourself toward what your interests are. Don’t let others invade your mind..first they are fools for even saying such nasty things...but you are smar than to listen to that. I just read your, very intelligent.y written post...you have it within yourself to do good things ahead...you need to realize this first. You need to love yourself first and the rest will follow..I know that sounds cor...I know it’s a catch phrase...but just put in the back of your mind for when you have an off day. And, take it one day at at time..and come and talk to us on this new thread when you need a boost, because clear, that’s what this thread is for! :). I’m very glad to have you as my friend
 

quackiemama

Free Ranging
Dec 26, 2018
2,227
10,171
696
MARYLAND
@CarpCharacin - James, I was labeled that "slow" "limited capability" kid who could not read in third grade. Grade school was hell - Home environment was also less than ideal - high school sending district testing indicated that the image that had been created by others for me was incorrect. I was enrolled in an accelerated program, went on to college and got my degree. I did not reach my dream goal of being a veterinarian, but found meaningful employment in an animal care related field. Met someone that I like better than anyone else in the world and have maintained a 55 + year relationship. We have raised two people who are raising another 5 who are meaningful members of society. Sometimes I still question myself and my 'purpose'. After all I am only 78 years old. Mostly I look at myself and take pride in the fact that I am a survivor and a basically good person. Don't let anyone else write your story. I have seen enough of what you share here to know that you are an intelligent and sincere person. Your purpose will find you, and you will be successful. If I could do it I am sure that someone of your caliber will be a success in life.
:goodpost:
 

quackiemama

Free Ranging
Dec 26, 2018
2,227
10,171
696
MARYLAND
Remember...you have to take one day at a time...I’m not sure if you read any of what I write, but..5yrs ago, I would’ve never dreamed I would have this life...one day at a time, gearing yourself toward what your interests are. Don’t let others invade your mind..first they are fools for even saying such nasty things...but you are smar than to listen to that. I just read your, very intelligent.y written post...you have it within yourself to do good things ahead...you need to realize this first. You need to love yourself first and the rest will follow..I know that sounds cor...I know it’s a catch phrase...but just put in the back of your mind for when you have an off day. And, take it one day at at time..and come and talk to us on this new thread when you need a boost, because clear, that’s what this thread is for! :). I’m very glad to have you as my friend
Yess!!!!!
 

quackiemama

Free Ranging
Dec 26, 2018
2,227
10,171
696
MARYLAND
Thank you, your story gives me some hope. I guess I try to keep in mind that I'm still young, and that there will be a lot of possibilities in the future, but negative feelings in the moment can be very powerful.

For some reason I was put into a "gifted" class in elementary school, and I did not have a good experience overall, and when I'm feeling down at least, I think that it was due to others overestimating my "innate" capability. I feel like one year was good, because I had a particularly good teacher that year, but the rest was pretty miserable. I guess I did okay "academically" in most areas, yet still struggled with math, and got bad marks for organization, "working well with others", and stuff like that. Then I had a really bad experience with a teacher in the last year of elementary school, and while I do feel that a lot of my experiences have been due to there being something inherently "wrong" with me, the experience I had in 6th grade was something that was pretty damaging. I had trouble even attending consistently after that, and I still do.

In 2018, I was seeing a psychologist about the school issues, and additional family issues, and they did some testing, pretty much the same kind that I had when I was younger which determined that I should be in that "gifted" program in elementary school, and the second test showed that I have very low processing speed and below average reasoning ability, although I think I still did okay on the verbal portion of the test. I should probably note that around the same time of the testing, I had started an anxiety medication which caused me to lose a dangerous amount of weight, as it caused me to lose my appetite, and I was also very tired before the test, since it was in the morning, and my sleep disorder was undiagnosed at that time, but when I'm feeling down at least, I tend to think that I have "regressed", and that I'm now cognitively disabled. Then that makes me search for rare brain diseases that I could have, which could have caused such a monumental regression. Other times, I think that I was somehow overestimated the first time like I mentioned earlier, causing them to put a cognitively disabled kid in a gifted class, which in turn could have developed my bad attitude towards school.
You sound very intelligent to me personally. We all have weaknesses but then again we all have strengths. I do not know how old you are now but anxiety, depression and sleep disorders will affect every part of you. Ask me how I know? Thank you so much for sharing your story, we are all so glad you have joined. Chris started an inspiring thread that has good energy. We are always here! :hugs
 

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