need advice on a relationship problem,,, update 3-27-11

[blueseal]

hi. i have been with my girfriend for 10 years we got along great for the first 3 years . but has gone down hill since . i have left probably 6 times in the past ten years but always find my way back to her. it is her house everything is hers as she got it before i met her. i work most of the year with 2 months ff in the winter because of layoff that time of year. i pay her mortgage and power bill and other odds and ends. she tells me she wants me to move out all the time when shes gets in a bad mood she says she cant stand me doesnt want me to touch her never wants to be held. thats all i ever wanted was to be able to feel loved and feel close to her. but she doesnt want that. about 2 years ago i left her for 2 months and was seeing someone else i never did anything with the other girl until i was out of her house but because i talked to this other girl behind her back when i was with her she calls it cheating how is talking cheating. anyway after 2 months with the other girl i came back to my girlfriend the first year back was ok but now its getting worse again. she also has a12 year old daughter wich i raised sinc she was 2 . and now i get a attitude from her because she sses her mothers attitude towards me. i know i should just leave and get on with my life . i would have to get rid of my chickens because i wont be able to find a place to take them with me since i have bad credit and wont be able to buy a house. i guess i will just have to start over . my girlfriend never has anything to do with my chickens anyway . i just need to find someone who likes my hobbys i guess. sorry for babbling on about my problems.

 

[calicokat]

Any chance that you and she could go to counseling together?

 

[sgtmom52]

It sounds like you already know what the answer is ~ you just need confirmation.

You haven't had a real relationship for 7 years. You need to cut ties with her and get out on your own. You may or may not find someone else in the near future ~ don't rush it though. Life is too short to spend that much time unhappy in an unloving relationship!

Good Luck and know that you will eventually find a place where you can get chickens once again.

 

[hoppy]

I comend you for trying over and over, but I think what you are saying is, it's time for you to move on. Life can be so much better and there is no reason to keep going back and getting kicked to the curb. there are alot of houses out there to rent with the sales being down, maybe you can find one where you can keep your birds. you need to do what is best for you, good luck.

 

[teach1rusl]

Relationships are hard. Don't know whether either of you have health insurance, but if so, most will cover up to six counseling sessions. So maybe you guys could attend couple's couseling??? Also, is your state a common law marriage state? Worth checking into...as your relationship would/could be treated as a marriage if you guys end up splitting permanently.
As for the twelve year old, she's just at that age. You'd probably be getting attitude from her even if you and her mom were getting along great...

 

[sfw2]

You say that you have bad credit, but you also say that you've been making her mortgage payment for her. Do you have cancelled checks/bank statements to prove that you've been doing that consistently? If so, that could help you build an alternative credit history.

And I agree with previous posters. You know what you need to do. You're already "alone". Why put up with the abuse? Get your own place and live in peace. Might you be able to find a small place where you can keep your chickens?

 

[blueseal]

thanks everyone . i know it will never get any better staying with her. i just need to walk away for good.

 

[jacyjones]

I think the fact that you are telling us this means you know yourself what you have to do and want us to support you in your decision. It is never easy to break a relationship that has gone on so long but, as another poster has said, you have not been in a happy relationship for a long time now. You need to make a clean break and start your life again. You don't say how old you are but I am sure age does not really matter. What matters is that you have a happy life, whether alone or with someone else. I ended a very unhappy relationship years ago and found that friends were brilliant at helping me to do it. I spent many years alone, happy and enjoying my independence before I met my husband I have been with for 22 years. I was living on my own for 12 years before I settled again! Maybe I was a bit too catuious but I just want you to know that you can start again and be happy!
Good luck with your life and plan for chickens again in the future when you are settled.

 

[Whispering Winds]

Do you have any proof that it was you that made that payment and paid those other bills, because that can be used to boost your credit rating. . .ALWAYS save the receipts, with YOUR signature or the money order receipt with YOUR handwriting filling it out . . .might not be able to use that, but I know if you have proof you paid your cell phone bill, an electric bill and other things like this, loan officers can use that to prove reliability and report it to the credit bureau. If they can't, find a credit counselor with a good reputation and see if they can help you. Sometimes, you have things on your credit that is old and useless, but will not be removed unless you "hire" someone to do it for you. Well worth checking into. . .

As far as you and the g.f., you know what needs to be done. Life is too short to live like this, and one piece of advice I can give you from my own visual experiences (not me, just watching other people) is DO NOT under any circumstances get back into a relationship right after getting out of one. You need time to be alone and grieve and get yourself back in rhyme and rhythm. A long term relationship like the one you have been in, when ended is almost like a death and you have to have time in there to grieve and get it out of your heart and soul before attempting another one. Good luck, and don't let that 12 year old get you down either. She probably is imitating her mom, which is a sad thing for the mother to allow, but she is also getting to that age where every adult she meets is about as dumb as a sack of rocks. . .but don't let her get away with it either. Be nice and firm and tell her in no uncertain terms that while she may THINK she knows what is going on, she doesn't, and not to be disrespectful.

 

[Inkheart]

I am throwing in a mans view here too - you know the answer - jsut hard to accept it - the gut feelings we all have are always the right answer - but sometimes we cover those up or let them get cloudied with otther things - like finances - chickens so forth. Its hard to break away sometimes - but really it will be for the best in the long run hang in there man